Fading Echoes

Diez

That same day that I saw her talking to her lawyer was also the same day that I should be letting her go. It's not because I'm giving up on us, but because I love her...

Ilang beses na niyang ipinakita sa akin na talagang desidido siyang tapusin na kung anong meron kami. At sa bawat beses na pinipigilan ko 'yon pakiramdam ko lalo lang kami nasisira. 

So, I decided to let us go. 

When she reached the car, I plastered a smile on my face, pretending I didn't see any. I unlocked the door when I saw her approach the direction;

"Sorry for keeping you waiting. Did you wait that long ba?" Irene asked with her soft voice as she buckled her seatbelt. 

I gave her a smile, kahit alam ko kung tungkol saan ang pinag-usapan nila, I still tried my best to sound excited. 

"No, no. It's okay!" I answered and started the engine. Buong byahe pauwi ay hindi ako umiimik. It was just Irene who was talking, telling me stories about how was her day with Liv and Maggie went, she enjoyed their company and I'm glad she has friends who always have her back. 

"They said nga na we can go to Amanpulo with our husbands once you've fully recovered!" Irene sounded excitedly. I glanced at her nang iliko ang manibela ng sasakyan; 

"That would be great!" I reacted and pursed my lips. Nanghihina ako ngayon...

When we arrived home, dumeretsyo ako sa study room ko. Irene was about to protest, "do not dare join any of the meetings ha. I already told kuya David na hindi ka puwede i-accept sa online meetings" she warned, giving me a stern look. 

"I promise! may hahanapin lang ako" pagdadahilan ko, Irene nodded, "okay, sunod ka nalang sa kuwarto ha para makapagpahinga ka rin..." she smiled at tumungo na sa master's bedroom. 

When I reached the study room, tinawagan ko agad si Joaquin, a college friend of ours at lawyer ko. 

"Bro, napatawag ka? how's your recovery going?" bungad niya agad pagkasagot ng telepono. 

"Quin, I'm filing for annulment" kaswal kong sagot, ilang segundo bago uli magsalita si Quin;

"Huh? bro? seryoso ka ba? I thought you two are getting there? ano nangyari?" 

"I saw her talking to her lawyer earlier when I fetched her... And I think this is for the best. Alam kong pagod na siya at desidido na siya sa desisyon niya. At ayaw ko na siyang pigilan kung anong makakapagpasaya sa kaniya, so--" I was cut off when Quin talked;

"So you're giving up now?"

My breath hitched, I bit my lower lip at tinitigan ang litrato namin na nasa la mesa ko. It was a photo of us during our honeymoon trip to London. I was hugging her waist while her hand is resting on my chest. We were both smiling, we seemed so happy since the beginning... 

But looking at it, I realized, she never loved me the way I loved her. 

Hindi ko hinihingi na mahalin niya ako tulad ng pagmamahal na meron ako sa kaniya. 

Siguro nga natuto nalang siyang mahalin ako dahil ako ang andito, o dahil mahal ko siya kaya minahal niya ako.

But it was never because she loves me. And I don't deserve that kind of love. And neither she doesn't deserve this kind of relationship that we have right now. 

A relationship that consumes us. 

Siguro nga sumobra ako...

"Yes... I'm letting us go. We're not growing anymore as a couple. At ayaw kong patagalin pa 'tong problema na meron kami. Ayaw kong umabot sa punto na pareho kaming maubos..." I replied.