Marauders - Always - Part One

Things You Can't Say

Lunch wasn't anything special. They just went to a little cafe that had sandwiches and soup. Remus got himself a cup of tomato soup and some soda crackers while Spencer got a salad and some cut up fruit in a cup. Remus listened while Spencer talked, rambling on about anything that wasn't Lula, it seemed. He was talking about the Art History course he was taking and how they were studying various art periods of Picasso and how he felt that he, Spencer, had gone through a period of fantastic realism but was ready to move on to more detailed art.

"I want to find one thing that really fascinates me and draw it over and over and over again until I'm perfect at it," he said. 

Remus laughed, "I've been doing that trying to draw my husband's eyes. I can't ever get them right."

"Eyes are hard," Spencer nodded, "Capturing all the life in them and the emotion is impossible."

"I drew a portrait of my brother-in-law that captured the eyes right," Remus said.

"Portraits just seem to come alive, don't they, when you get the eyes right?" 

"Mhm," Remus nodded, keeping his eyes on his soup.

Spencer was waving a bit of melon that was pierced on the end of his fork as he talked, "All the great artists repeated subjects, it's like they wanted to see how they'd grown over time."

"It makes sense."

"I have an entire series of portraits of Lula I've done - ranging from when we were kids to just a couple weeks ago - the last time she sat for me..." He sighed, "I feel like it's my fault she's into the modeling thing now. I've always encouraged it. But I suppose I won't be doing that any longer..." Spencer frowned and looked down at his fruit.

Remus sighed, "You lot have been going out so long, there's no way you won't be able to make it up. Just give it time, Stewie."

He shook his head, "Not this time, I don't think... Too much stuff got said."

"Like what?"

Spencer looked up at Remus, then back down, "Just a lot of stuff that's been bubbling under the surface for... years." He took his fork and pushed the salad around as he spoke. "You know how sometimes you don't say something for such a long time that it becomes something you can't say? That's the type stuff we were saying. All the things you can't say."

Remus stirred his soup as he thought of the prank in fifth year and of the whole debacle that took place over the summer. He wondered what could ever come between him and Sirius that could be worse than all that? Nothing, he reckoned. Perhaps they'd been through their worst of times already? he theorized.

"Do you and Sirius ever fight?"

Remus laughed, "Of course. All the time. Everyday, nearly. Sometimes more than others - or at least about things that are more worth fighting about. My husband has a very Sirius opinion about practically everything and once he's made his mind up in a way, it takes a miracle to talk him out of it. He's stubborn as hell and unfiltered. You never know what sort of rubbish is going to come out of him. But does that mean I love him any less? Even when I want to strangle the bejebus out of him, I still don't stop loving him."

Spencer said, "I don't stop loving Lula, either; I could never stop loving Lula. She's been my best friend since forever..." He shook his head. 

Remus sighed.

"I've told her every secret that I've ever had," Spencer said, "And she used them against me in an argument."

Remus frowned, "I'm sorry. That's not fair." He hesitated, then said, "Sirius has used my secrets against me before, too; and I know it's not very fun... You feel all... raw and exposed. Betrayed, almost."