Doctor Annabelle

part 27

                                  DR ANNABELLE

My baby was hurting

I didn't have it in me to remove her hands that were holding onto me tightly. I just sat there with Valentina in my lap. She was sleeping on my chest and I made sure she was as comfortable as she can get

It had been over three hours since she fell asleep and my legs were numb. I felt her shift then bury her head deeper between my breasts

"I'm sad" she mumbled still in her comfortable place I believe

"Let's get you some food first" I closed my computer so she would not see what I was writing about her

"I don't want to move or breathe or do anything" she held tighter on my white shirt

"Then what do you want?" I asked pulling her away from my breasts

She became silent. I let her think about whatever she wanted to say. Most people knew what they wanted in terms of material stuff but for something like mental issues, they had no idea

Valentina pulled back and looked at me in the eyes. Hers were red with swollen eyelids and a pale face from tears

"I want to die"

I looked at her without an emotion and let her words sink in

"I want to live so bad. I want to stop hurting and forget all my past memories. I want to breathe without feeling guilty, eat without feeling ugly, sleep to rest not as a way of disappearing from earth.

I want the knot in my stomach to go away

The voices In my head to shut up

The darkness in me to fade

The anger in to die down

I want to sit on a bench holding a cup of coffee, when a man pass by, I don't want it to trigger bad memories in my head

I want it all to stop"

She breathed out looking at me with those beautiful sad eyes

"I am ready to be loved Dr Annabelle"

I nodded bringing my hand to the back of her hair then brought her face closer to me. I gripped the roots tilting her back that she gasped and I took her lips in mine

Valentina was spiraling and I knew whatever I say would not get through her head because her thoughts would be louder than my voice. I felt her calm down and relax then I pulled back

"What you just said, who were you talking to. Dr Annabelle or Annabelle?" I asked

"Uh I.. "

"When you came to my office, who were you coming to? Your psychiatrist or your ..." i stopped mid sentence

"My what?"

"Just Annabelle?" I would love to give her an answer but I didn't know what she was to me. I wanted her and I had her

Valentina was mine

But I couldn't start a relationship with her yet. Not when it's just going to be one of her life experiences. I wanted her to stay mine and only that

"I was coming to my safe place. You are my safe place not as a doctor because Dr Tina could calm me down too but I needed you. I belong to you, I'm yours to take care of and fix. I'm your mess. Now it's up to you to decide if you held me as Dr Annabelle or just Annabelle" she said letting me in her head a bit

"Just me, you are my baby. When you come to your sessions I'm your doctor, when you need me you walk right through that door and let me put you back together. You are a beautiful broken mess Valentina, I'm never gonna fix you"