Lessons on Love

Don't Look At Me

How do I stop falling for a girl with a boyfriend?

I enter the question on google search and browse through the results while munching on the fried noodles on my plate, sniffling and wiping at my nose every 12 seconds or so.

Damn fever.

I've been sat in the dark for the past two days with my laptop in front of me and four rolls of extra-soft, 2-ply tissue by my side. After I had finished creating, checking, rechecking and correcting my lesson plans and reports for the school, I was left with nothing else to do but to watch movies. Lesbian ones of course. It was when I stumbled upon a movie called Imagine Me & You did I notice that I was in the same boat as Luce.

Jade had a boyfriend. I could have figured that by the way this David guy stalked around her possessively but meeting him was definitely an experience I never wish to repeat.

It drove home the fact that Jade wasn't mine and probably will never be mine. It scorched into my brain the fact that the kiss we shared will never happen again. Meeting David reminded me that Jade was out of my reach, especially after he indirectly insulted my car.

Besides that, I also felt dirty.

I had momentarily believed that Jade was the one and that we would be together. Everything disappeared while we were in the farm and it allowed me to dream, to hope. Being back in the city where Jade was once again the most popular socialite with a hunky boyfriend shattered any hallucination I had about being with her.

It hurt.

It hurt like fuck.

But it was the undeniable truth; Jade and I could never be together. She was with every heterosexual woman's dream boy; rich, fit, decent-looking. A knight in shining Volvo, or BMW in David's case.

Which is why I'm desperately trying to kill off this attraction I have for her and I'm sat in front of my computer googling ways to stop liking her. I couldn't really go to Batchi because she's been busy with Pearl's wedding and her own relationship with Abby. There really wasn't anyone I could turn to except google.

Google is always there.

Google doesn't judge.

Google understands.

Except for all the cliche answers of being a bad person for liking a girl with a boyfriend, I found an interesting site for men. One that talked about how other people will always want your girl especially if she's beautiful, and if she was really his, then there wouldn't have been anything I could have done to take her.

It categorized women into three parts; The Time Wasters, The Not Worth Its and the Green Lights.

Time Wasters are flirts and women who use you to make their man jealous. Not Worth Its are those who are emotionally unavailable, fucked up, or has crazy boyfriends. Green Lights is that girl that has a boyfriend and you realize she doesn't fall into Category One or Two - she isn't a time waster or worse. She's got a man, but she isn't happy with him - she wants you.

I quickly delve into the page and read up on the do's and don'ts of taking someone from a relationship, finding it both appalling and interesting to see into the mind of a man. After some time, my concentration is broken when the doorbell rings from the door.

Moving quickly, I leave the laptop open as I make my way to the door where I see Lauren standing in the hallway. She was wearing a floral printed blue-and-white skirt with a loose white top and white pumps that made her legs look impossibly long, and I had to tear my gaze away just to be able to talk.

"Hey you." I greet her with a smile before giving her soft hug.

She smiles and places a soft kiss on my cheek, "how are you? I haven't heard from you since the club."