Who? (2p Canada x reader)

why?

Staring in my cup of tea I listened as Matt lectured me. "What the hell were you thinking going out like that?" he growled confusion combined with anger filled his voice. "Hey leave her alone" Al tried only to receive a cold glare. "out" Matt seethed quietly "Get the F#ck out?" he bellowed, never since I've met Matt have I seen him so furious, or shout he always seemed so laid back but now was a different story. Al knew fullywell for his welfare to leave now. Allan was shaken up, it's hard to scare him and that fact he was, made the situation all the more tense. Before he left he gave me a small pat on shoulder mumbling "good luck call me if it gets nasty" of course these words didn't help my confidence. The door slammed shut and I took a sip of my tea trying to calm my broken nerves. I could feel matt's gaze lingering on my skull. "Are you asking for a death wish?" he qouestioned harshly I shook my head 'no'. "Why did you do it you're smart enough to know the danger of the cold? You even fell in a F#cking lake the other day!" I looked up to see him placing his face in his palm in annoyance and disappointment. Fidgeting in my seat I felt like a child. I hated this feeling so much. Stepping into action I placed my mug down and stood up on my froze toes. "Why the hell do you even care if I die or not!? If your want to complain so much you should have just left me there" I shouted back half heartedly. He raised his head from his plam his face was much more relaxed "I could ask you the same thing" he sighed and took a seat in his armchair lazily seeming to have calmed slightly. Why is he asking why I saved him now. Of all times. "I-i have my reasons..." I was cut short. "So do I, you saved me I save you in return" his words were cold and hollow. Speechless I sat down staring at the wooden floor. Why was he so bl#ody angery. He's acting so cold. Shocked, I was so shocked, so sad. My emotions were running high. Tears fell from my sore eyes. Why was I here? Why did I even try? Burying my head in my arms I quietly cried. Everything hurts me in this world, everything. I didn't notice intill I was pulled close by an arm that he'd sat down beside me. "I'm not good with crying" he sighed giving me a small one armed hug. "I'm not really good at much but I am good at listening" he mumbled "why did you run off?" I took a deep breath. Should I tell him? The weight loomed over my shoulders and stung at my brain. I needed to tell someone anyone. In distress I started to explain in a panicked way.

"well these pills use to belong to someone I cared about dearly" I started he nodded glancing at the pills in my hands

~flashback~

Placing one foot in front of the other as cars passed us by "So where we going today mattie?" I smiled over at him. Sweetly he smiled back his hand was cold in mine so I held it all the tighter. "I'm not..." forced weak words escaped his vragile lips before his hand shot over his mouth. He was trying so hard to calm his violent coughs. Uselessly I tried my hardest to help him, I pulled his pills from his pocket and passed them to him. He was about to take one but the coughing got worse and worse. What should I do? My mind went into a panic. This isn't good. Finally it struck, I snatched my phone from my pocket and dailed the number while rubbing at Mathew's back. "I need an ambulance at Park Lane, hillan. Yes Mathew is having another bad attack" I anwsered all the qouestions fast with no pause not wanting to waste any time. Realising Mathew's coughs had calmed I looked towards his face. Terror graced his features as he looked down at his hand he'd been coughing into that still held his pills. Crimson, bright crimson blood. "No..."

Mathew spent many days in the hospital were I worked and studied. Checking on him every chance I got. "(F/N)" I hurriedly walked to him "yes" I replied stopping at the foot of his bed "love you" he smiled. His eyes were red and voice hoarse but he still smiled "I love you too" I smiled back almost set into tears by the small gesture. I never realised at the time if I did I would have...

Sitting at my assigned seat I listened to the doctor who was lecturing us that morning "Today some of you are entering the threater room again you've all had enough practice espically you miss (L/N)" he looked directly at me signalling me out. He was right I'd been a doctor in practice for 4 years, ever since I became I nurse I signed up. In those years I'd witnessed many theaters I've even operated on 6 people. Luckily none I've operate on have died if they had... I dreaded to think. Yet I'd still seen death and that's what scared me the most to become a doctor. Death. Everyone filed out the room "I'm expecting after this you get your diploma espically because you already specialising " the doctor spoke I only nodded knowing fully well, after that I'd have to start specialising. Which would take 3 years. For Mathew's sake I'd already started on heart surgery taking every chance I could to improve my skills. I strolled down the hall with the rest of the group. Unaware.

Never had I expected what happened next. "(F/N)!" a nurse come running up screaming my name "we need you in the operating room ASAP. Our heart surgeon won't get here in time to save him" in a flurry of energy I stromed the halls and sliped in my whites, clean my hands and stepped into the threater room. I was in such a hurry the idea hadn't stuck my intill I entered the room. My heart lagged as I saw his face. I should have know. Why? Why Mathew? "hurry up" I was shoved in front of my faince he was laid across the cold metal table tubes monitoring him. His chest already held incision lines. Holding my hand over the tools it shook violently. He looked so peaceful... I can't do it "What's wrong?" one assistant asked "h-He's my faince" I breathed shock still stung at me. Everyone was consumed in confusion one brave soul urged me "All the more reason to safe him then!". They were right I took a deep breath and picked up the cold scalpel. I will save him! I must! Orders flew from my mouth as I fought back my tears and worked away. Praying that he'd pull through that my hard work wouldn't fail me. That my love wouldn't faded away.

I tried so hard, I tried my best but my best wasn't good enough. I can remember watching as his line drew flat through my tears. His warmth faded as I helpless tried to wake his corpse. All because... My eyes became sour, as I balled my eyes out in the plams of my hands. Borh my parents tried their best to comfort me. "Baby it's wasn't your fault" my farther tried in a quite voice rubbing at my back. "(F/N), calm down" my mother tried. Rising to my feet my frustration flared. "I CANT CALM DOWN! don't you see its all my fault he's dead, I Killed him!" screaming harshly I was causing a scene, but did I care? of course not. I'd have just lost my beloved and I was to blame. No matter what that guilt will haunt me.

What was the point of being a doctor now, he was the only reason now I had none. I locked myself away in my room for weeks, months. Intill they started sending me to a man, the man who made me forget.

-End-

"But of course it failed eventually" I sobbed into my hand my words becoming muffled and throat sore. I'd started crying since the doctor's lecture. Matt sat there stiffly. I didn't dare look at him afraid of what he might think. Surprise struck me as he pulled me into him. He didn't seem to know what to say neither did I. The comforting of another person felt so foreign. It been so long I couldn't help but cry. Finally someone else knew, what I did. I'd killed Matthew, my faince. My love. Died infront of me on that cold operating table, it was all my fault.