Boun had a girlfriend of eight years - they had planned their future together; adopting dogs, getting their own house, traveling the world, and surpassing his girlfriend's illness together.
Cancer's a bitch, though.
Boun would be conflicted when h...
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"You can just sit.. uh-" I scanned the messy apartment, looking as to where I could let Boun sit. All there is to see here right now though are boxes and boxes and piles of boxes. Oh and a bunch of other clutter.
"No worries, I came to help anyway." He offers me a smile, going over to one corner where I still have a few kitchen stuff left to pack. I scratch the back of my neck, biting my lip as I felt my cheeks heat up once again. "Should I pack these?" He asks, pointing at the various baking stuff and equipment on my kitchen counter
"Uh, why're you here?" I ask again. He didn't really give me a clear answer the first time I asked him. Just a smile that I know should come off as reassuring and non-judgmental but with my anxiety through the roof and embarrassment right now, I can't seem to find his presence comforting at the moment.
"Just to help." He says with a shrug. Scribbling words on one side of the box that he's currently holding - probably labeling it.
"I- I'm sorry, Boun. Um, it's just that.. I'm kind of in the middle of getting kicked out so..." I trailed off, pushing the words out of my mouth with the remaining courage that I have. He didn't respond and I can only feel myself getting more and more embarrassed with my current situation.
I should've closed the door behind Ms. Frances a while ago.
"I know." He shrugs. Well, way to make me feel any more awkward, I guess? "You could've told me all about it, though." He says. I looked at him with sheer confusion. I could still feel my cheeks getting hotter by the second but now I'm riddled with confusion, too. "I kind of saw your eviction notice from last time.." He trails off, trying to explain further.
"Fuck." I barely whispered over an embarrassed chuckle. I sat down on the floor, fingers fiddling with the packaging tape that I've been holding before he unexpectedly popped out of nowhere. I can't bring myself to drop it. I need something to hold or else, my hands wouldn't know what they'd do. "This is so embarrassing." I mumble again, still adding a chuckle as I shake my head a little. I've always showed everyone how okay I am. Especially Boun. I've learned how to bottle everything. To keep most things to myself because really, what good would it bring me if I were to spew my problems to other people? At the end of the day, I've only got myself to help myself anyway. Right?
Not even my friends are fully aware of what I've really dealt with. They know bits and pieces. I tell them the stuff that brims to the top. But at the bottom of this glass that I so delicately cradle between my muffled thoughts, are the things that I keep to myself. Stuff that I know no one would fully, truly, understand.
Ignorance is bliss. I'd rather let people believe what they want to believe in rather than me, explaining myself. It's better this way. It's better that people have their own version of stories rather than the full truth, right?
Considering the past. Our past. I would always choose to not let him know the full truth.
Not once did I ever let Boun see me this pathetic. Especially not him. I couldn't. I have to always let him see how okay I am with everything. He has dealt with so much stuff in the past. The least that I could do is to not add up to his baggage.
