The Quiet Kind Of Beauty -Marauder Era

Chapter 15

Before re-entering their dorm, Clara attempted to swipe the smile from her face, without any success. With the two cups of steaming coffee in her hands, she shouldered the door open, and made her way to the cluttered spot of the floor where she and Lily were working. Lily's fiery head was bend over her textbooks, her quill scratching the surface of her ink blotted parchment. When Clara walked in, she looked up and sighed with relief.

"I was beginning to think you got lost," She laughed, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

"Sorry, I made the coffee myself this time," Clara replied, half telling the truth. She handed Lily one of the cups, and they both took a long sip.

"What time is it?" Lily asked. Clara looked towards the clock by her nightstand.

"Nine-thirty," She answers, sitting down beside her.

"When should we stop?"

Clara thought over it for a minute before replying. "Up until our current cups of coffee run out, and the caffeine wears off."

Lily laughs. "But the caffeine high could take a lot time to wear off," She reminded.

Clara shrugs. "Then we'll just work until then."

Lily rolls her eyes, and takes another sip.

They had almost five cups of coffee beforehand, so it didn't take long before they couldn't concentrate any longer.

"Okay, I give up." Clara groans, throwing her quill down. "Five cups of coffee and it's like my body needs to run a marathon,"

"Yes, thank you!" Lily sighed with relief, also throwing her quill onto the empty spot beside her. "I thought it was just me,"

Clara stretched, feeling the least bit tired. "We can't go to sleep like this." She decided.

"What do you want to do then?" Lily asked, standing up to stretch herself.

"I don't know. Let's go be stupid or something," Clara mumbled, shrugging. The coffee had loosened her tongue.

Lily scoffed. "You, do something stupid? Like you'd ever do that."

Clara raised her eyebrows. "What makes you say that?" She asked defensively.

"You're, like, the strictest person I know." Lily answered in a "well-duh" voice.

"I'm capable of having fun and being... stupid!" Clara huffed indignantly, crossing her arms.

"Prove it. Let's play Truth or Dare, just the two of us." Lily smirked, competitive edge to her voice.

Usually, Clara would have backed out of such proposals, but the coffee seemed to pump a certain drug through her veins. "Fine, I'll play the dumb game." She agreed, standing up also.

In five minutes, they had two piles of parchment slips; one pile for truth, and one pile for dares. Clara had tried to make the dares she was writing as ridiculous as possible.

"Okay, you start," Lily says, looking at her expectantly. "Truth or Dare?"
"Dare, obviously," Clara replied, reaching her hand into the pile that supplied the dares, and pulled out a random slip. She opened it, and read it out loud. "Go outside and run around, while screaming "I have lost my voice, please help me find it","

"That's one of yours, isn't it?" Lily snorted. Clara nodded. "Way to have that plan backfire,"

"Shut up, Evans." Clara muttered, but there was a grin on her face.

"Well, are you going to do it?" Lily smirked, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Of course," Clara scoffed, standing up and walking over to the door, her insides squirming.

She could hear Lily laughing behind her, even though Clara didn't even start the dare yet. With a deep breath, she yelled: "I lost my voice! Somebody help me find it!" Before running down the girls' staircases and into the common room, repeating the statement over and over again, each time raising her voice a by a notch.

Lily stood on the staircases, holding on to the railing for support as she broke down in a fit of laughter. Seeing her best friend, who normally didn't participate in something that could dent her pride, yelling such stupid things in the common room in front of everyone... well, it was hilarious.

A few minutes, Clara walked back upstairs, her face flushed and laughing. "One of the kids asked me if I needed to go to the Hospital Wing." She said, following Lily up the stairs. This, of course, led to a fresh wave of laughter. Lily's laughter was contagious, and in a matter of seconds, Clara was sitting on the stairs, tears slipping from the corners of her eyes.

"We-we still have to finish the rest," Lily gasped, pulling her friend up. Together, they stumbled into their dorm again.

"Truth or dare?" Clara asked once they sat down again.

"Truth," Lily announced, reaching over to grab a truth from the pile. As she read the small slip, the grin that quirked her lips was swiped off, and a more horrified look replaced it.
Clara sat up a little straighter. "What does it say?"

"Has anyone ever seen you completely naked? If yes, who?" She said, her eyes wide and a blush colouring her pale face.

Clara snorted in a very unlady-like manner. "That one's mine. Are you going to take it, or wimp out?" She asked, her eyebrow shooting up to her hairline.

Lily sighed. "I'll take it, I suppose." She stared at the ceiling, blowing the hair out of her eyes as she took a moment to prepare herself. "Someone has seen me naked. Well, half naked," She confessed, her cheek reddening even more to the colour of a strawberry.

Clara raised her eyebrows even higher.

"It was last year, when you forced me into trying out for the Quidditch team." She continued. Clara was already cracking up. "I was feeling really gross and, you know, decided to take a shower in the change rooms. So there I was, finished taking a shower and pulling on a fresh pair of clothes I had accioed from our dorm, and halfway through," She paused, becoming impossibly red. A knowing grin was on Clara's face, and she waggled her eyebrows. "Halfway through, I heard something drop behind me, and I turn around, and, well, it was James."

Clara couldn't help but gasp. "James?! Seriously?!" Lily nodded, embarrassed. "Was he shirtless?"

Lily aimed a successful blow at Clara's head. "Clara!"

Clara winced, rubbing her hand on her head. "What? I'm curious!"

Lily sighed. "He was."

"Does he have-"

"A great body? God, you wouldn't even believe it." Lily groaned, covering her face.

"Merlin's beard, you're in deep, Evans." Clara teased. "Was that why you finally said yes?"

Lily looked up and scowled. "Of course not! It's beyond physical attraction!"

"Mhm, I believe you." Clara nodded innocently.

"Just continue with the game, Campbell. Truth or dare?" Lily grumbled.

"Truth." She replied, reaching into the pile of slips that had the truth prompts. She picked a random slip, opened it and snorted. "Have you ever stolen anything? How mediocre, Evans."

She only sighed, rolling her forest green eyes. "Just answer the question. We both know you could never have stolen anything."

"I wouldn't be too quick to make that assumption."

Lily stared. "You're kidding."

"Well, I was seven. I got mad at my father for taking away the puppy I had brought home that night-"

"You smuggled a dog into your house?!"

"Shush!" Clara hissed, clamping a hand over her redheaded friend's mouth. "You're going to wake up the entire house. And I did not smuggle it in! I had Bailiwick the butler help me. We were taking care of it." She huffed indignantly.

"Wow, you really are out of control."

"Anyways," Clara continued. "My father found the puppy - which Bailiwick and I had nicknamed Snuffles, by the way - and, well, he wasn't very happy when he found that were paw prints over his favourite armchair, to say the least. So he ordered Bailiwick to kick Snuffles out, which got seven year-old me pretty angry as well." Clara took a breath. "So I stole his favourite wristwatch and threw it in the fire."

"Oh. My. God. You really are out of control!"

"I was punished for it afterwards, don't you worry." Clara accidentally let slip. She froze, and so did Lily.

"You were... what?" Lily repeated, her eyes widening a fraction.

"Nothing. Anyways, it's your turn." She replied quickly.

"Clara..."

"I don't want to talk about it, Lily." Clara cut across. "Let's just finish this dumb game and then go to sleep."

"I-It's pretty late... how about we hit the hay now?" Lily suggests hesitantly, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Yeah." Clara replied shortly, magicking away the pile of paper slips. With a wave of her wand, she turned off the lights and climbed into her bed, burrowing into the sheets. She heard Lily sigh, and make her way back to her own bed in the dark. The sheets of her bed rustled as she lowered herself onto her bed.

"I just want you to know that if this is still happening, then you need to tell me." Lily said softly.

When she didn't reply, Lily sighed again and lay down, and after a few minutes, and her breathing slowed to a peaceful rhythm.

Clara sniffed, and buried her face into her pillow.

~*~

The next couple of weeks passed without many distractions. Many of the older students had shut themselves in the library, the NEWTs approaching alarmingly fast. The Marauders, Lily, and Clara were among those students.

They were in the very back of the library, spread out across the floor and the single table. Lily and James were sitting on the table, Remus and Clara were by the large window (Clara was actually sitting on the window pane, with Remus sitting on the ground and leaning against the wall), and Sirius and Peter were lounging on the floor, doing absolutely nothing.

"This is it, I can't do it." Lily cried, throwing her quill down for the hundredth time that day. "I'm going to fail, and end up being a nanny!"

"You'll be a very attractive nanny," Assured James. This earned him a soft whack from Lily.

"That's not helping!" She groaned. She glared at Sirius. "Why don't you study? You're going to fail!" She reprimanded, channelling her despair towards chastising Sirius.

"I don't need to study, I know it all." Sirius replied lazily, tracing patterns into the air with his wand.

"Really? What common ingredients are needed to brew the antidote to common poisons?" Lily inquired, raising her eyebrows.

"Bezoar, mistletoe berries, and unicorn hair." Sirius replied unenthusiastically, nonverbally casting a small avis spell and conjuring a small blue jay. The light cobalt bird fluttered down onto his knee, and he used his index finger to lightly brush the underside of the bird's neck. The bird cooed, and flapped its wings twice and fluttered off.
Lily opened her mouth to retaliate, when Remus cut her off. "The more you try to trap him, the more infuriating he's going to become, Lily."

"I'm appalled by your statement, Moony. What on earth are you talking about?" Sirius replied, watching his tiny bird flutter towards where Clara was bent over, feverishly writing revision notes. The small bird landed on the middle of her parchment, causing her to furrow her eyebrows in surprise. The bird chirped once, and a small smile graced her features. She used her finger to lightly pet the blue jays soft head. The bird warbled, and nipped her finger affectionately, and Sirius smiled at Clara's delighted reaction. He loved how Clara acted when she thought no one saw her. He loved the way her eyes lit up, unaware that Sirius was marvelling her beauty. Most of all, he loved how gentle she was with the small animal, treating it with just the right amount of strength. The thought made his insides feel unusually warm.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Padfoot." Remus continued with a sigh, looking up from his parchment paper briefly to give him a disapproving look. "But Lily is right, you should be studying."

"Oh alright, mum." He teased, as his blue jay disappeared in a puff of smoke, the spell wearing off. The small explosion caused Clara to jerk her hand back in surprise, as if she had completely forgotten that she was in a library, and not outside. How can she get so caught up in her notes that she didn't even realise that the bird was a spell? Sirius wondered miraculously.

"Just hurry up and open a damn textbook," Remus sighed again, returning his focus to his own textbook. Examinations always dragged Remus' tolerance for idiocy from his friends. Sirius decided it was best to do what his friend advised before he threw a fit.

Sirius groaned, and pulled himself onto his feet. "Come on, Wormy. Might as well do what mummy says," Getting over her shock, Clara turned to their conversation, a light smile playing on her lips. Sirius grinned back, if not somewhat shyly, causing her to blush very lightly.

Peter groaned also, standing up beside Sirius. "Don't be a buzzkill, Moony." He whined. Remus responded by giving them both Sirius' favourite finger.

Sirius barked out laugh, and patted Peter on the back. "Come on, Wormtail, before mummy Moony comes after us with a spatula."

Sirius had steered Peter away from him before Remus could come after them but he did hear an unamused 'fuck off' from Remus.

"Just pick a random book off the shelf, Padfoot. They're so highly strung by their revision to even notice it." Peter mumbled, grabbing a random hard covered book off the shelves.

"Already way ahead of you, Wormtail." Sirius chuckled, reaching up above his head to grab a bright red book. He didn't even glance at the title before they sauntered back to where they were sitting. Sirius scanned his group of friends, and found them all still bent over in concentration, except for Clara, who had her head in her hands.

"Hey, Wormtail, I'll be right back." He mumbled, leaving his short friend behind. He walked towards where Clara was sitting, sunlight illuminating everything it touched. This included Clara's russet curls, highlighting them with gold streaks. Remembering their little moment a few weeks ago, his stomach squirmed as he sat down in front of her. When she didn't look up, he tentatively called out.

"Clare?"

She looked up in surprise, a sheepish look on her face. "Oh, Sirius. Sorry, I didn't see you," She mumbled.

Sirius stared. "The library is dead silent. You could hear a pin drop in here." He stated.

"Oh."

This made him furrow his eyebrows. "Are you okay?"

She took a deep breath, and folded her hands in her lap. "Can I ask you a question?"

Sirius was a little taken back by her reply, but he nodded. "Ask away, Captain Clara."

Clara rolled her eyes, though there was the tiniest hint of a smile on her face. "At least you didn't call me Clare."

"I still can."

"No thank you."

Sirius laughed gently. "But anyways, ask me the question."

The sombre expression returned to Clara's face. "What drove you into finally leaving your parents' house?" She asked hesitantly. She regretted ever opening her mouth immediately.

The corners of Sirius' mouth drooped, and his eyes seemed to become sad before he masked it with a mischievous grin. He rarely ever talked about what happened that night, unless if it was James. "My mother told me that I would go to hell after I died, so I told mummy dearest that she was such a nightmare that even the Grim Reaper would to be hesitant in offering her a place in hell. Apparently that pissed her off." He grinned.

Clara stared, her mouth slightly open.

"I'm kidding."

She sighed. "What did you actually do?"

Sirius sighed and leaned against the opposite end of the window. "My brother let slip that I was friends with people who are not pureblooded-" He lowered his voice. "And that I was friends with Moony." He through a furtive look at Remus, but the golden haired boy was still deep in his revision. "She got pissed, and so I got pissed. I said a few... bad things, and she hit me."

Clara didn't trust her voice, eyeing him with a sympathetic light in her eyes. Her heart clenched painfully in her chest. She knew firsthand what he was going through.

"It's fine. Anyways, she told me that she never wanted a blood traitor as her son, so I told her I didn't want a bitch for my mother, so she hit me again. I was so fed up at that point I just hexed her, got my things, and booked it for Prongs' place." Sirius reminisced softly, focusing outside. "A few days later I received a formal letter telling me I was no longer invited back to the family manor, so I never went back."
His attention was brought back to Clara when he felt a hesitant touch from her fingers on his hand, which was clenched in a fist.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." She said gently, using her fingers to diffuse the tension in his hand.

"No, it's okay. I want you to know." He replied, feeling his cheeks slowly heat up. "But why are you asking me this now?"

A shadow passed over her azure orbs. "I just want to know when it's appropriate to leave." She replied hesitantly.

"I don't think I should be the one telling you that. Although, personally, I feel like you should have been long gone from that place."

Clara frowned, a sudden far off look in her eyes. "I know, but it's not as simple right now." She sighed.

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Why not?"

Clara reached up with her other hand, brushing a few strands of hair that had escaped her ponytail. "A few things came up." She confided. "I want to take care of those before I leave."

Her tone made it clear that she did not want to go any further, so Sirius just frowned to himself, wondering what on earth she was talking about as she went back to work. It took him a while to realise that they were still holding hands. Neither of them made a move to unlink their fingers, though, much to Sirius' pleasure.

~*~
[[Warning for those who are triggered by reading panic/anxiety attacks happening to a character. It's going to be a few paragraphs. Stay safe, lovelies. Xx]]

Two days later on a Sunday night, the night before NEWTs, Lily came into her and Clara's dorm after her corridor rounds to see Clara sitting on her bed, clutching her chest with wild eyes.

"Clara, oh my God, are you okay?!" Lily cried before running over to her best friend, who shook her head over and over.

She was shaking from head to toe, her skin pale. She drew in a wheezing breath, as if her lungs rejected any oxygen that she took in. "I can't... I'm going to..." She croaked, her eyes filling with tears.

Lily was at loss of words, so she took Clara's ice cold hands in her own, and rubbed her knuckles soothingly. "Clara, it's alright." She assured softly. Clara shook her head, a few tears falling down her cheeks. Her body temperature was irregular, with her chest ice cold and her feet screaming with heat.

"N-No it's not." Clara gasped, feeling her heart thud painfully hard. "I'm going to fail these d-damn exams... a-and if I do my father-" She clamped her mouth shut, and a shudder shook her frail body.

A cold feeling erupted in the pit of Lily's stomach, who was feeling slightly disturbed by Clara's comment. Still, she took a deep breath and shook her head. "No you're not, Clara." She said, using a tone she normally would've used around the younger students. "You'll whiz through it, and you're going to get marks that will impress everyone." She spoke calmly, using the heat in her hands to warm up Clara's. "You'll make your family proud." She wasn't sure if that was the right thing to say, considering the implications between Clara and her father, but Clara's eyes seem to become less frazzled when she heard it.

"Do you think so?" She whispered, her round eyes vulnerable. She sounded so brittle it broke Lily's heart.

"I do. But you can't get those marks if you have doubt." Lily reminded her, feeling relieved as Clara's stiffness dissolved a little. She was still breathing heavily, but it had gotten better.

"What if... what if they don't?" She mumbled, and she started to pale again.

"If they don't, then they don't matter. We'll all be proud of you." She continued, standing up to sit beside her. "Me, James, Remus, Peter, and Sirius." She wrapped an arm around the shorter girl's shoulders.

"Yeah, maybe." She sniffed, laying rubbing the tears away from her eyes. For a moment, she just sat there, trying to regulate her breathing. Lily sat beside her, rubbing her back and occasionally murmuring soothing encouragements such as "you'll be okay" and "we believe in you".

They sat like that for a good twenty minutes, until Clara broke the silence, her voice quiet but otherwise sounding less constraint.

"How are you feeling?" Lily whispered gently.

"Better." Clara said. "Thank you, Lily."

Lily smiled warmly. It was now twelve am, but if Lily was feeling drowsy, she didn't show it. "As long as you're feeling better, you don't need to thank me for anything." She glanced up at the clock. "It's getting late. We should sleep."

Clara patted her hand and nodded, feeling her way back to her pile of pillows, her vision slightly blurred from the lack of her contact lenses. As she lay down, Lily turned the lights with her wand, and Clara stared at the ceiling of their dorm, which were decorated with floating, star-like lights she and Lily had conjured a few years ago.

As she stared up at the ceiling, she tried to ignore the dread that had begun to build up in her chest again and instead focus on the gentle swaying of the lights, which helped calm her down a little. "Lily?"

Lily was quick to reply. "Yes? Are you feeling-"

"No, no. I'm feeling okay." She took a deep breath. "I just want to let you know that you're my best friend, okay? I want to stay friends with you till the day I die." Clara's cheeks reddened. Admitting something as intimate as this... she hadn't done it before. And she'd never admit this, but her little episode had embarrassed her. She probably looked weak, and breakable, and those are the two things she never wants to come off as.

"Don't worry," Lily said from the dark. "We're going to stay friends for a long, long time." Clara was sure she had said more, but watching the orbs of light drift around in the air made her eyes droop, and in no time she was asleep.

~*~

Clara opens her eyes to a harsh glare that burned against her eyeballs. She was in a starch white room again, except this time there was someone else with her. He was male, with straight hair that just brushed the nape of his neck, and was the colour of russet. He was tall, raising almost two heads above Clara, and had his broad shoulders pushed back. Long arms that were built with enough muscle to make a grown man hesitate to approach him. His hands were concealed with a pair of white gloves, hiding away long, slender fingers. He was dressed like a prince, with a coat that split into two tails the colour of snow, and matching slacks. His polished shoes were the colour of the moon. Even though she had not seen his face yet, he radiated power and control.

Cautiously, she took a step forward. "Um, excuse me? Can you tell me where I am?" Her voice sounded louder, amplifying in the room.

"Not yet, my dear." His voice was pleasantly smooth, and it wrapped around her conscious like a spell. "The time is not right. But it shall be soon. For now, rest your mind."

Clara opened her mouth to speak, but found that her eyes were growing heavier with every passing second, and that her mind was reducing its activity, as if it too were being controlled. With a sigh, her eyes slipped closed, and the only thing she remembered thinking was how this mysterious man sounded a little like Sirius.

This took forever to write. But it has been one of the longest chapters I've ever written, so at least there's that. Anyways, here's a little bit of perspective to Clara's home life, even though it's a little shady.

As usual, comments are highly appreciated, even if there are a little harsh, but only as long as its constructive criticism