The College Experience [Larry Stylinson boyxboy]

Chapter Sixteen

[Louis talks about his weight a little in this chapter, not sure if that's a trigger warning for anyone, so just letting you know!]

"You working tonight?" Louis asked Liam, making himself a sandwich, struggling to get everything to fit into the bread. "Oh, you're out of mustard, by the way." 

"Go home, you leech," Liam said, rolling his eyes. "But yeah, I'm working from nine until two in the morning, I think. Why?" Liam asked. 

Louis lifted himself up to sit on the kitchen counter. "Just wondering... think I might join you or something." 

Liam raised his eyebrows. 

"Don't," Louis said, closing his eyes and sighing. "I can make my own decisions." 

"Okay," Liam said. "I'm leaving in fifteen... if you don't change your mind by then, just meet me out by the bus stop, alright?" 

Louis finished his sandwich and slipped into Liam's bathroom to brush his teeth before he left. He shot off a quick text to the RA that worked on the floor beneath him. They weren't usually supposed to be away from their floors, but when most of the students were gone on reading week, the RAs usually just covered each others floors and took some time off. Louis texted Andrew quickly, knowing he'd never say no to Louis. Most people didn't.  

L: Hey mate, sorry, can you cover my floor tonight again? ?they should be fine I think theres less than ten kids left that havent gone home yet for reading week. just like check up on my floor a few times tonight ive got you covered for when you visit your family tomorrow !  ! 

He waited until he got back a text saying everything was fine before he started trying to fix himself up. 

He pulled off his t-shirt, about to change into his spare shirt he'd packed, when he stopped and really looked at himself in the mirror. 

The rooms in residence didn't come with mirrors, so unless the students brought their own (which Louis didn't) they only really had to face their reflection whenever they were brushing their teeth in the common bathroom. 

Louis stood with his shirt off, hands over his stomach. His weight was always fluctuating, and there was always a sort of distance that he saw between himself and the mirror... it never really felt like him. 

As much as his weight went up and down by a few pounds, he'd never actually been overweight before. He knew that. But for some reason that's not what he saw... he saw his tummy, always a little round no matter how much he worked out, and his thick thighs that he had a hard time getting into skinny jeans, and his ass that he knew guys loved, but to him it just felt like more fat. Lou pinched his belly, thinking about what he'd look like if he were a little smaller, even though he already knew the answer. He'd lost a lot of weight in second year, and he could barely manage to smile anymore, he was so exhausted- constantly. Liam helped him gain everything back before it got too bad, and started going to the gym with him to build muscle- but the worst part was that even at that point, at the lowest point of Louis' life and his lowest number on the scale, it still didn't feel like enough... he didn't feel like enough. 

Louis quickly slipped on a black shirt (black was slimming, right?) and ran some gel through his hair that he found on the counter that was probably Niall's. He knew he shouldn't be drinking two nights in a row, but he just needed something. 

He met Liam at the bus stop, and spent the whole bus ride checking his phone for messages from Harry. 

He didn't get any. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Liam, I want another one," Louis slurred. "Make me another one, I don't know what it was, it was blue though. Make me something blue, okay?" Louis leaned against the bar, batting his eyes at Liam. "Hurry up bartender," he whined. 

Liam sighed. "I'm not making you a drink, Lou. I don't know who's been serving you," Liam shot a quick glare at his coworker, "But you should have been cut off a few drinks ago."

"But I want a-" 

"No," Liam said, wiping down the counter and taking Lou's empty glass from him. "I don't even know how many you've had but it's clearly too much. Just go dance for a little bit or something." 

Louis pouted. 

"I'm seriously not making you any more drinks, Lou." 

"But that's your job," Louis slurred. "That's your fucking job, you fucking loser," he mumbled. 

Liam pushed a glass of water across the counter toward Louis, and Lou ignored it, heading for the dance floor. 

He was just on the edge of the crowd when someone grabbed his wrist, making Lou gasp a little and spin around to see who it was. He stumbled a bit and wound up bumping into the stranger. 

"Hey gorgeous," the older man said into Louis' ear. "Let me buy you a drink. What are you drinking?" 

"I, I don't know," Louis slurred. "But I've already, I think I've already had seven of them, maybe... I don't remember." 

"Well your eighth drink is on me tonight, babe," the man said, returning a moment later with a mixed drink that tasted like peaches. 

Louis swayed a little bit, but downed half the glass in his first swig. Louis closed his eyes and brushed his hips against the older man, struggling to follow the beat of the music as he danced. He tried to move his hips against the older man, but all he could think about was what it would be like to be moving like this against Harry, their hips pressing together with the music, the younger boy flushed pink with too many drinks, Lou grabbing hold of his waist to pull him tighter...

"God you've got a nice body," the man said, looking at Louis like he were for sale, interrupting Louis' daydreams. 

"Thanks," Louis mumbled, sipping on his drink. The bar felt hazy now- it was really more of a club than a bar, honestly- and the pounding music felt as though it were going straight to Louis' headache.

"You should come home with me." 

"I... I can't," Louis stammered. 

"C'mon, you gonna play hard to get, pretend you're not that type or are you gonna come home with me like I know you want to?" The man asked, running his hands across Louis' hips and down to squeeze his bum. 

"I... I... I'm sorry," Louis said, fumbling over his words, and sprinting for the bathroom. Everything around him pulsed and swayed, the lights piercing through his thoughts, the music feeling heavy on skin. Lou struggled to make it in the right direction, but everything seemed to be tipping and twisting. He burst into a bathroom stall and crouched by the toilet, his stomach contracting over and over. He held onto the seat, feeling his eyes burning with tears and shame. 

He hadn't drank himself sick in a long time. 

Louis sat on the bathroom floor, knowing fully well how disgusting the floor was but he was already feeling gross enough that it didn't seem to matter. 

He couldn't stop thinking about Harry. He wanted him... in every way. Wanted to be close with him, connected. He knew it wasn't something that would happen right away, even if Harry wanted it to, but Louis couldn't stop worrying about it now that him and Harry were... were something. 

If anything happened between him and Harry, Louis would be Harry's second, which was more than okay with Louis- he didn't feel threatened at all by not being his first or anything. 

The thing that made Louis' head spin (besides all the alcohol pounding through his bloodstream) was not knowing which number Harry would even be for him. Harry didn't deserve to be with someone like that, someone like him. 

But he was. 

Louis stood up from the floor, his legs shaking a little as he left the bathroom and headed for the exit, his fingers already fumbling through his wallet for his bus pass, drunk but determined.  

"Hey, pretty boy, where are you headed?" a man asked him. Louis thought it was the man he was dancing with earlier but he couldn't tell. 

"To see my boyfriend," Louis slurred, closing his eyes for a moment to stop the room from shaking. "Gonna go see my boyfriend now."

"You have a boyfriend?" The stranger asked. 

"I think so."