The College Experience [Larry Stylinson boyxboy]

Chapter Thirty One

Trigger Warning: Intense Chapter Unfortunately, I can't put anything here without spoilers, so just stop reading if you need to, or message me first and I'll tell you what happens so you can decided if you're comfortable reading. (Also, the writing's style's kind of jumbled because he's been drinking).  

"What are you doing?" Louis whined, turning away from Wes' touch as his hand ran along Louis' arm. 

Wes sighed, moving his hand to Louis' thick thighs. "Why are we playing these games, Lou? We both know what you want. Same thing you always want." 

"I don't know if I want it though," Louis mumbled.

"Are you trying to break up with me?" Wes laughed. "We're fuckbuddies Lou. Fuckbuddies don't have breakups... just hookups." And he leaned closer and he was trailing his hands up Louis' thighs now and Louis was screaming stop in his head, everything clattering and clamoring but nothing making it past his lips bit a tiny squeak of surprise. 

Louis' throat didn't catch up with his head until Wes' hands had made it up underneath his shirt and then it was like a dam had burst and Louis' vocal chords were buzzing as he let out a barely coherent cry of "Boyfriend! I have a, Wes I don't- I have a- Harry, he's mine, my boyfriend."

Louis couldn't stop babbling once he'd started, but his heart felt like it was going to fly out of his chest and the room was dark and someone was paying attention to him and he had a boyfriend but that boyfriend always seemed scared of this and maybe it was because Louis wasn't good enough, that his body wasn't good enough, and every time Harry seemed hesitant to do anything, every time Harry's trembling hands stopped and he whispered maybe next time, Lou I'm really sorry Louis suddenly felt the little pudgy bits under his boyfriends hands where his tummy stuck out too far and he bit his tongue and tried to tell himself that that wasn't what this was about but that's what it felt like and Wes' hands weren't shaking and he wasn't scared of Louis' body. He knew it better than anyone.

"I have a boyfriend," Louis said and he was crying. He was crying on a bed in a dark room, so drunk he would barely be able to slur out his full name if he tried and he was sobbing quietly now and Wes still had his hands on him, rubbing up and down his arms, still expecting Louis to change his mind like he always used to. Pushing. Pulling. Expecting. Taking. 

Wes raised an eyebrow. "Are you good?" 

"I'm good, yeah, just. Want to. I want to," Louis nodded, but the words in his head were different than the ones on his tongue. 

The world went quiet and Louis was back in Harry's bedroom, back with his pretty and comfy and gentle boyfriend- the night they became boyfriends. The haze of his memory veiled everything into a sort of pastel version of that night; soft colours, soft boyfriend. Louis had been drunk then but not as bad as he was now. He was slurry and muddled and out of sorts and he thought Harry wanted him to... thought Harry expected something from him. Like everyone else always had.  

Lou, of course not, you're too drunk...  

Wes was tugging at Louis' shirt, cold hands splayed across Louis' stomach. His lips had latched onto Louis' throat, still unable to meet Louis' lips since he had turned his head away while hot tears splashed down his cheeks. But Wes was never much for kissing anyway. Said it was bullshit. Preferred Louis face-down.

You're more than just a body, Lou...  

Maybe losing part of himself was a good thing. Maybe he could fill up the missing spaces with Harry's breathy laughs and his gentle fingertips and his bubblegum lip-chap and maybe he could get rid of the pieces of him that used to be okay with this. It didn't feel okay anymore. 

"Wait, no. I can't do this, please stop touching me." 

And Louis knew his words were slurred but they weren't that slurred so Wes had heard him and Louis was still crying. 

He was sobbing. 

He had to push Wes' hands off him. 

Louis stood up on trembling legs and headed for the door, and his hands were shaking when he turned the doorknob and he was trying to get away faster even though Wes wasn't chasing him he was just on the bed laughing, a little irritated, calling out, "God you're no fun anymore. Come back when you've had another drink." 

Come back when you're the old Louis. 

Louis was still trying to get the door open. 

He stumbled out of the room, faltering down the hallway, his voice trembling as he called out for Liam. Liam would probably be appropriately buzzed right now, laughing it up with some friends over a few beers, not stumbling down the hallway crying forgetting which way to go in his own friend's house. Louis had been to Michael's so many times in the first years of college he almost felt like he should pay rent, but now it all looked rearranged to him.  

Louis managed to get outside before he tripped on something and fell. He wanted to get up off the grass, but he felt tired. All he wanted was Harry... warm and clean, smelling like soap and floral cologne, murmuring to him that he was such a good boy, that everything would be okay and maybe Louis could admit that he was the smaller one for once- just once- and let himself be tucked up into the younger boy, and Harry could make little shhh shhh sounds and pet through Louis' tangled hair. He whimpered for Harry, pulling his phone out of his pocket and sniffling as he tried to dial but his hands were too shaky and the numbers kept switching places. Every time he pressed a number it was in different place then where it started and he tried to just type in 'Harry' but he typed in 'hatty' by accident and nothing was okay anymore. 

And the Louis heard a yell, a scream, a terrible wail that he would hear every night, for so many nights. 

And then it was Louis screaming, letting out a completely inhuman wail because Michael was maybe twenty feet away and Louis knows it's possible to survive falling out a window but he doesn't know how could survive the fall when Louis might have a heart attack just from seeing it happen and Louis still has 'hatty' typed into his phone but he's trying to call anyway like maybe his phone will realize this is an emergency and Louis can't even remember the number to dial for an ambulance but someone is yelling that they're calling the ambulance and then Louis doesn't have to worry about it. He found his contact list and managed to call Harry's phone, sobbing into the line as his boyfriend picked up. 

"I love you don't leave me," Louis sobbed. "I love you I'm sorry." 

"Louis?" Harry said, sounding like he'd just woken up. Of course he had, it was almost two in the morning, time for being curled up in sweatpants and fast asleep, not time to be drunk and curled up on someone else's lawn, sobbing over the screams of strangers. "Louis, are you okay? Where are you? Why is there screaming? Louis, talk to me please. Tell me where you are, I need to know what's happening!"

Louis can't respond, because his eardrums hum like a turntable crackling with static and he can't hear anything and the words 'my drug dealer fell out a window at a party you didn't know I was at' can't seem to make it out of Louis' mouth even if he wanted them to. Everything is empty and Louis' insides are turning out coming out and he can't even pretend to keep himself together he's crawling to the bushes hands rubbed raw from the rocky patches and Harry's yelling into the phone now but he's throwing up again.

Again. 

             Again.

                            Again.

Author's Note: The characters in this aren't meant to be role models, but it's important to know you can't consent when you're drunk, and I don't want anyone to think that what happened to Louis is alright. I know Louis' character seems to think he's consenting to sleeping with guys when he's drunk, but he genuinely can't. And even though his character might not realize that, it's important that readers know that because your lives are real and not in a story. Wes trying convince him to sleep with him (and what other guys have done to him) shouldn't have happened when he's intoxicated, and even though Louis may not understand that in the story, you should understand that in your own lives and stay safe. 

Anyway, next chapter should be up soon enough and it won't be this sad, I pinky promise :)