Chapter Thirty Five

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"Hey, Haz, how are-" Louis started as he opened the door. 

Harry looked up from where he was sitting on the bed, his hands shaking slightly. 

Louis' smile faded a little when he saw Harry's expression. 

"I'm here," Louis said, rushing to Harry's side. "Talk to me, babe, what's wrong?" 

"I got a call," Harry said, his voice shaking a little. "It was from, from my ex... he just wanted to say sorry." 

"Sorry for...?" 

"Sorry that my dad passed away?" Harry said, his voice rising at the end, making it seem like it were a question. "And I looked up the obituary on- online," he stammered. 

"Oh, baby, come here," Louis said, pulling the younger boy against his chest. "It's gonna be alright." 

"I don't know what to do," Harry said, his breath hitching a little as he tried to hold back his sobs. "I don't wanna have to tell," he sniffled. "Don't want to have to tell my mom, and- and Gemma," he said, his face warm with tears. 

"Sweetie..." Louis said, rubbing gentle circles onto Harry's back. "They already knew, hunny... I'm sorry you had to find out like this though- that wasn't how it was supposed to work out." 

Harry pulled away from his boyfriend, his green eyes flickering with confusion. "What do you mean they knew? Did you know?" 

"Yeah, well I-" Louis started, his blue eyes not meeting Harry's green ones. 

"You knew that my dad was-" Harry cut himself off. "You knew about it and you just... you just- what?" Harry's nails were scratching at his arms now, and Louis swiftly moved Harry's hands away from his wrists. 

"I was going to tell you, love. But you have a lot going on this week. And you know you would have..." 

"Would have what?" Harry asked, his voice rising as he swatted Louis' hands away. "Don't fucking touch me," he hissed. He could feel something in him bubbling, his lungs felt tight and his veins felt like they were knotting slowly, making his blood pound through his heart until it felt ready to leap out of his chest. 

"Be reasonable, Haz," Louis said calmly. "You know you would have had really bad panic attacks, you wouldn't have been able to finish that report you had due, it was worth a ton of your grade... it just made more sense this way," he said soothingly. "I'm really sorry for your loss though, can we talk about that, hun? Are you ready to talk about it?" 

"I don't want to talk about anything with you!" Harry said, and if he could feel himself slipping out of it before, it was definitely past his control at this point. He felt as though he were watching himself onscreen, it felt like he'd floated away from his own body. 

"You can't keep hiding from everything like you always do," Louis said. "It would help so much if you'd just talk about-" 

"I'm not the one who's hiding anything!" Harry said, his voice picking up in anger. "You can't just keep things from me like that!"

"I was going to tell you soon," Louis insisted. 

"But you didn't tell me. You didn't fucking tell me," Harry said, his voice still rising. 

"Gemma told me to wait until-" 

"Gemma wouldn't hide things from me!" Harry yelled, his voice booming across the room. He knew everyone in the neighboring rooms could probably hear everything but Harry couldn't stop. 

Harry's yelling seemed to have finally snapped something in Louis, whose eyes looked like venom now. "Grow the fuck up, Harry! Everyone does this to you!" 

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