The College Experience [Larry Stylinson boyxboy]

Chapter Twenty Six

"Have you talked to him about your dad yet?" Niall asked.

"No," Harry muttered. "There's nothing to tell," he added, picking a little at the bandage on his arm.

Niall gently slapped his hand away. "Two more hours," he said. "If you get an infection, it's all your fault."

"I just want to see what it looks like," Harry sighed impatiently.

"It was a rose when I put it on, it'll still be a rose when the bandage comes off," Niall said rolling his eyes. "God, you have a tiny dorm room," he added, looking around at Harry's cramped living space, barely a few feet away from his roommate's unmade bed.

"I know," Harry said, "There's a reason why we never hang out here."

"I thought it was because your roommate was an ass," Niall commented.

"He's fine," Harry mumbled. He kept telling himself that his roommate was fine, that Dax just had a different sense of humour that Harry didn't get... Harry found a hundred different ways to somehow make everyone one of his Dax's comments into his own fault.

"Just tell Louis that-" Niall started. 

"That what?" Harry snapped. "That my dad fucking walked out on me? That I miss him every single day anyway? Thought you didn't even like Louis," he muttered. He was pouting and feeling a little like a child right now but he didn't know how to stop it, part of him just felt so irritable, like it was bubbling under his skin making it impossible to focus on anything else.

"Yeah, I think you should tell him," Niall said. "That's something that's important to know, H. And yeah, I like Louis I just don't like that you're so different around him. You're bottling things," Niall said. "I can tell... if you just let things go a little-"

"I'm not bottling anything!" Harry insisted, his voice raising in frustration. 

Niall reached out for Harry's hands and held them in his own, rubbing his calloused thumbs across the slim tattoos on the back of Harry's hands. "Mate, you are a mess right now from holding things in and I don't even know where to start with sorting you out, but you're gonna explode if you don't start talking to someone about all the things you've got going on."

"I'm fi-"

"You're not fine," Niall interrupted. "How bout we start with something simple, huh?" He gave Harry's large hands a gentle squeeze. "Why was I finding so many engagement videos in my YouTube history?"

"I just... I like them?" Harry tried.

"Ten in a row isn't liking- it's obsessive."

"Okay," Harry said quietly and then took a slow breath. "I'm worried that no one will ever do something like that for me," he admitted. "Not, like that no one will propose for me or whatever, marriage is still a while away," he added seeing Niall's panicked expression. "But it's more like, that no one would ever do something like that for me, that I'd never have anyone that cared enough to, you know, do something that elaborate. That I won't ever mean that much to someone, you know? Maybe it's stupid," he added hastily, pulling his hands away from Niall's. 

"It's not stupid at all," Niall said gently. "I don't think you realize how much people really care about you."

"Maybe you're right," Harry said, closing his eyes a little and trying to take a steadying breath. His panic always started in his lungs and seeped and clawed its way out. But it always started in his lungs.

"Just stop bottling, okay?" Niall said- he said it like it was the easiest thing to do. 

"Okay," Harry promised, but every breath he brought into his lungs felt like it just stayed there, like he didn't know how to let go of the air that settled into his lungs, just collecting like a balloon that was about to pop. He needed to let go, needed to scream and sob and just talk about every tiny little thing that was chipping away at him, talk and cry for hours- maybe days... maybe under a blanket fort with a steady stream of lattes and shhhh it's alright babe, I'm here now and his boyfriend's arms around him and his stubble tickling Harry's soft skin and maybe a bubble bath and Louis could just hold him from behind and wash him up while Harry leaned against his chest and let go of all the tension, skin slick with bubbles. Maybe that would help.