Bleed Until You Heal

11- Sad Parts

"Are you sure that you want to do this?" Jasper asks me as I'm getting dressed to leave for lunch.

I nod, pulling on a sweatshirt over my tank top that's a light pink color with an ice cream cone on the front. "Yeah, I think so."

"Alright," He sighs from the privacy of his room as I pull my hair into a quick pony tail. I can't see him but with only the hanging blanket between us, it's easy to hear him. "Let me know how it goes."

"I will. I'll see you later," I respond glumly as I grab my bag and head downstairs, grabbing the keys to the truck on my way out the front door.

It's been a few days since the awkward encounter with Scott and I haven't talked to him since. Except for this morning when I asked him if he wanted to go to lunch today and he said yes but that was our only conversation and it was short and awkward.

I'd been doing some thinking- a lot of thinking- ever since Noah left the other day. About what Jasper had said to me about falling for the image of Scott in my head instead of the real Scott. I wasn't 'falling' for him, but I really did like him as a friend. I was friend-falling for him. Maybe that was true or maybe it wasn't but I was wondering, after everything that had happened on Saturday, if the same was true for him. Was he friend-falling for the real me or for the image of me that he has built up in his head after so many years?

I think that's what really got me upset on Saturday when he walked into the apartment and saw my walk of shame outfit. I felt like I had ruined his perfect image of me. Everything that he had expected that I would be, I wasn't that. He might be my perfect Scott but I'm definitely not his perfect Jo.

And to make my mood even crappier, the weather today isn't very summery. It doesn't look like it's going to rain, but it's cloudy and windy, which is why I'm wearing a sweatshirt, but when I'm outside, my bare legs have goose bumps. That's what I get for wearing jean shorts instead of having faith in the weather forecast.

When I pull up in front of the ice cream shop that I'm meeting Scott at, the weather hasn't improved at all but that doesn't deter my appetite for ice cream so I get out of the truck and make my way into the familiar building that we used to have ice cream in all of the time.

Whenever I got really upset about my house or my dad was really violent, Jenny would bring me, Scott, and sometimes Nick up here to the ice cream shop and it'd be really fun.

I see Scott already sitting in one of the booths so I quickly order a chocolate shake and a side of fries (the ice cream shop also sells food), and then I take my food and shake and approach Scott, sitting on the other side of the booth.

"Hey," I offer him a small, forced smile.

He's chewing on a fry of his own and offers me one of his easy-going smiles and it comes so easy to him and it's such a beautiful, charming smile that I just want to stare at it forever. "Hey, what's up?"

"Oh, uh, nothing really," I mumble and it's obviously a lie so I awkwardly clear my throat and my fingers start fidgeting with the bag containing my fries. "But we need to talk."

"Really? That doesn't sound good," He says, his easy-going smile starts to falter.

"It isn't," I admit as my throat constricts, making it harder for me to speak. I can barely focus on the words that I have rehearsed on the whole drive over here but I focus enough to say them.

"Are you okay?" Scott wonders, his smile gone completely now and in its place is a concerned frown.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I guess," I assure him, forcing a grimacing smile as I remember the speech that I had planned and I remind myself that this is the right thing to do, before anybody gets hurt. "Um, it's just that the thing is that I think that I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have come found you like I did. I think that what we had back then, our friendship, it was really special, and I think that by reuniting like this, it's just ruining that sort of."