amnesia ➳ 5sos [au]

28

Dear Luke,

God, I love you. You sweet, lanky, six foot tall noodle. I couldn't ask for a better friend than you. And yes, I said friend. Luke although I do love you, I don't think you're the one for me. I just don't feel right when I'm with you.

I blink at these words. I didn't love Luke in that way? I continue to read, hoping for an answer

But Luke I hope you find the love of your life soon, because I know I have. I'm sorry it's not you, but you deserve so much better then me anyway. And I'm sorry I had to break up with you in my suicide note, but I couldn't bring myself to say it outloud. Love you my little penguin

xoxo,
Thia

I put the diary down. If Luke wasn't for me back then, who was the one I was in love with? I think about this and I have an idea of who it is, but I don't want to admit it. But I have to know, because I deserve to know, don't I?

Ashton,

I don't know where to start. You already know this, but Ash I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I know how cheesy that sounds but it's the truth. I know you're with Ruth, and I don't want you to leave her for me because it would break her heart. So I just made it easier for everyone, and took myself out of the equation. But I love you my little Fishy, with all my heart. 

Ashton was Fishy. Although I think I've known for a while, I never wanted to admit it to myself. I continue to read, hoping to calm my tears. 

But don't think about the past, I'm gone know and there's nothing you can do to change it, so just move one. Don't join me. Please whatever you do, don't join me Ashton. Stay strong baby.

Love,
Thia 

I close the book, tears already streaming down my face and I don't know why. Suddenly my heart begins racing faster, faster, faster and my head spins with millions of thoughts. 

Make it stop, make it stop!

I fall onto the floor, crawling into a ball. I feel my mom rush into my bedroom, calling someone on the phone in a worried voice. But the thoughts don't stop, and my heart just races faster. 

And everything comes back to me. 

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Ok, hi i am back. If i'm being honest here I've moved onto another part of my life and 5sos isn't apart of that. But I still really like this story so I'm going to continue it and I'll be editing it so some chapters may be re-released.

xx
an