He laughed at my awkwardness before pulling me towards himself and kissing my lips.
And at that moment, I realized something that would have been good to know about three minutes ago.
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Friday March 18th, 2015 - 12:03 pm Cleveland Ohio - hotel
The day before I left to go back to work, punk had asked my to be his girlfriend. I said yes. This whole time since then and now, I've been a mess. I've made a mistake I keep telling myself. How could I be so stupid? I kept asking myself.
Why am I a mess? Why do I feel as if I made a mistake? Why am I sitting at the edge of my hotel room bed biting my nails feeling like a complete and total bitch and on the urge of crying? Because when Phil had kissed me, I didn't feel it. I didn't feel anything actually. When he use to hold me, like he did that one time, or hug me or touch me basically, it felt nice. Honestly. But it compared nothing to someone else I realize now. And now I realize Phil was right.
Why do I feel like crying? No, why am I crying? Simply because I feel like shit. I should have just said no to Phil. Now I've messed everything up. I'm scared as fuck because I don't know what to do - I don't want to hurt anyone either. Although it's a little too late for that.
"BEAUUUUUU, OPEN UP YA LITTLE SHIT!" Seth jokingly yelled as he banged on my hotel room door.
I quickly whipped away my tears and walked over to the door opening it with my head down.
"Hey- Beau?" He quickly noticed that I was sad.
"Beau?" He repeated as he stepped into my room closing the door behind himself. He placed one hand on each shoulder. "Hey, look up at me.. what's wrong?" He said softly.
I slowly looked up at him revealing my red and puffy eyes.
He sighed before standing up straight and hugging me tight.
"S-Seth" I sniffed. "I fucked u-up really really bad" I cried into his chest.
"Shhhh" he rubbed my back as he hugged me tighter.
I couldn't get rid of this guilty feeling.
"I'm- I'm so fucking stupid" I cried louder. "Why did I- I just wanna fix things-" I looked up at him with fresh tears coming down my cheek.
"What happened bee?"
I paused for a moment and gave him an odd look. "Bee?"
"Really? You're standing here crying about something that's obviously wrong and that's what you're gonna focus on? The nickname?" Seth raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah- Uh, I mean no. Sorry" I stepped away from my best friend and sat down on my bed.
He took a seat next to me and placed his hand on my knee. "What the hell happened?"
"I just- I just, fucked up" I said before biting my lip.
"How so? Tell me everything Beau, seriously! You're kinda scaring me" he nervously chuckled.
I stared at him for a few seconds before taking in a deep breath. "Okay, when I went to Vegas with Dean, we kinda sorta kissed, okay?! Don't freak out or anything because that's just the start of this!" I said quickly.
Seth opened his mouth to say something but chose against it. So he just licked his lips and nodded.
Story time I thought. Hopefully Seth doesn't think anything bad of me after this. I only say this because Seth's opinion on me matters to me. It really does.
