Castles Crumbling | S. Stilinski

51| I don't know how to be okay..

Three Weeks Later

I look around the corner and see my mom talking to Ashley.

"She's really gone, mom?"

"Yes.."

I walk out the front door to avoid talking to either of them. I get in my car and drive. I don't pay attention to where I'm going until I stop in front of the cemetery. I park in the grass and start walking.

I told everyone the second I got back to Beacon Hills. The battle happened a few towns over. The Mikaelson's stopped the Blackthorns before they got here.

I stop walking when I see Isaac sitting in front of Lizzie's grave. Caroline decided to bury her here instead of in Mystic Falls. I don't know why because it made more sense to have her there.

I quickly turn around before he sees me. I freeze when I see Scott. I've been hiding myself away from almost everyone. I didn't know how to deal with everyone.

I lost Bella and it was my fault. I thought I could protect Lizzie and I couldn't. I lost her too. I don't know how to deal with the pain. Everyday it hurts. It hurts even more when I see Scott and Ashley because they considered her a sister too.

I walk the other direction to avoid talking to Scott but I know he's following me so I stop. I turn around and look at him.

"When are you going to start acting normal?"

I look at him in disbelief. I could barely handle it when Bella died. I turned cold. I threw everyone out of my life including him.

"You don't get to tell me to be okay."

"You're not the only person who lost her, Liv."

"You don't get it."

"Help me understand because she would't have even died if it wasn't for you!" He's shocked he said those words. "Liv, I didn't-"

"I get it.." I hold back my tears. "I'm the reason she's dead, okay?"

"Liv.."

"I hurt every single day!" I yell. "She was so scared of losing the merge and dying.. but I was her death. So, I get it. I don't need the reminder."

I walk away.

"Liv!"

I get into my car and start crying. I grab my head before it explodes. I don't know how to deal with the pain. It's getting harder and harder.

Not only does Scott resent me for Lizzie's death, I wasn't here. I missed the fight with Jennifer and Deucalion.

I wipe my tears and lean my head against my headrest. I leave the cemetery and drive into town. I drive to the old park that plagues my childhood.

I get out of my car and stare at it. Recently this place has become a sort of safe haven. Just looking at it tugs at something in my heart.

"I figured I'd find you here."

"You know this place is what kept me sane when I was getting tortured.. this and you." I look over at Stiles. "I don't know how to be okay.."

He pulls me in, rubbing my back. I've spent more time at Stiles house than I have my own home recently. I didn't want to be alone and I didn't want to see my family.

"We'll get through it.."

And although Stiles has helped me through this, there's still the feeling in the pit of my stomach anytime I think about our future. It has an expiration date.

I came to terms with it. That I'd get the time with the my family and him, and then I'd spend eternity with the Mikaelson's and try to form that bond again. My bond with Klaus was starting to grow. But now that is at an end.

He lets go of me and starts walking to the swings. I follow him and sit down on it. He starts pushing me. I close my eyes, focusing on the wind hitting my cheeks.