Monsters (Big Bang fanfiction)

Friday May 8th 2015

Hey, journal :D! OMG thank God you're still there with me! ><

So many things happened today I can barely remember my name right now @_@. Everyone is asleep so I'm enjoying the first moment of quietness and solitude in hours. Who knows how long it will last? Especially with these two staring at me. Yeah, I know you're watching me! But just because I'm behind my computer doesn't mean I'm not watching you too, guys! There's no need to speak any language to know what my stare means, right?

So, once again, reading my previous entry helps me a lot putting the pieces together.

I remember I was still very groggy when I arrived at work this Friday morning. Even the weather was pretty cloudy. That was not a good sign. Joseph and I had barely exchanged a word in the car. Not that we had anything to say to each other. Some people hadn't showed up, knowing they were out of job from now on so half of the rooms were empty when we arrived. Others were waiting to be officially fired in the afternoon. When I went to the surveillance room, the guard was gone as well. I didn't want to be near Joseph so I hung my coat on the guard's chair and sat there. I let myself zone out, gazing at the metallic curtain which was closed for good between me and the broken window. I stayed there for a solid minute doing nothing, like a lifeless doll. When Joseph came in to ask me to come pick up my stuff and then kissed me on the top of my head before he closed the door, my eyes welled up, feeling like I was sitting on a bomb and couldn't get up. Just then, as I raised my eyes, I glanced at the monitors. The boys hadn't moved from their cells in three days. T.O.P was sitting still as usual. His look was sterner than ever. Judging by the tension of his jaws, I assumed he was also clenching his teeth. G-Dragon had torn down his rubber ball. Seungri was not looking at the camera anymore. Taeyang couldn't care less about his training. They were all either standing or sitting on the ground with their back against the wall and a lost expression on their faces, so quiet and still, one might as well have hanged pictures of them in front of the cameras in their place without seeing a difference. When I saw even Daesung bow his head, pull his mattress as far away from the door as possible and lie down with his back at the camera, I put my elbows on the control table, put my head in my hands and cried.

There I thought I heard talking. Thinking I had been heard, I got up and quickly wiped my tears before I went to the door. However, nobody was there. When I went back to the monitors and sat down again, I saw T.O.P looking straight at me. I immediately covered my eyes in reflex and held still, anticipating the effects of the hypnosis. When nothing happened, I slowly spread my fingers and looked between them. He was still looking at the camera, as immobile as a statue. I relaxed a little and crossed my arms on my chest with a sigh.

"What are you looking at?" I said out loud at the monitor. "So you found your camera. Big deal. What are you gonna do now?"

"Joan."

When I heard him say my name, I stayed transfixed on my chair. That was the same sound I had heard a few moments ago. I looked at the button of the microphone and noticed it was way closer to me than I thought. I realized I had probably pressed it by accident when I started crying. That's how he knew that I was there! I regained my composure and pressed the button again, looking at the monitor.

"What do you want from me, T.O.P?" I asked in English.

He then pointed at the door without breaking eye contact with me.

"Open, please." he asked in a neutral tone.

To my surprise, I didn't obey him. It seemed he could instill any emotion he wanted to people but couldn't manipulate them enough to make them do what he want. But I can neither tell if he knew that already nor if the way he had asked me was just a request or a command.