Monsters (Big Bang fanfiction)

Tuesday May 19th 2015

Hello hello journal.

I'm okay. I'm strong. I'll deal with not seeing Seunghyun for a while even though I already miss him a lot. He has found a home. He has found his memory back. Now he is not T.O.P, second subject of the first generation of boy-soldiers anymore. He is just Choi Seunghyun, son of Choi Man-Shik and Choi Myung, born on November 4, 1993 in Ansung. He is a very clever, funny boy and the most adorable man on the planet.

During breakfast, as none of the three of us would say a word at first, Kwan and Mum kept trying to engage us into conversation. So we kept talking about anything but today's program. Our faces, at least Seunghyun's and Seungri's, would show other emotions than our tone.

Once we all got in the car, as we were heading to Ansung again, Seungri kept saying how sorry he was and tried to convince us to turn back and go back home. His guilty attitude was cute at first but after an hour, as we kept driving closer and closer to Seunghyun's city, it was more and more useless and his whining was getting annoying. So much so that Seunghyun even started beat-boxing as to cover Seungri's voice and make it sound like he was rapping his protests which, I must admit, sounded pretty funny ^^ I started rapping along and the maknae, in defeat, joined me and the three of us went on as I tried to find my way in the city.

However, as Seungri and I were still improvising, the closer we got to the street of the orphanage, the quieter Seunghyun became. After a while, he had completely turned towards his window, scanning everything outside, barely blinking. He didn't even notice when I took his hand and asked him if he was okay. When I stopped the car a few streets away from the building and we opened our doors, as I turned towards him, I saw he had his cold blank face again. We walked together towards his orphanage without a word. I tried to do small talk with him, commenting about the beauty of the streets and the weather just to get a reaction from him... All he did was barely nodding or grumbling monosyllabic answers. I saw Seungri stay behind him for some reason. He looked strangely determined and focused on his hyung. Suddenly, when the building was fully in our field of vision, Seunghyun froze for a second, then turned back and started dashing in the other direction. Luckily Seungri was there to catch him. As he was now struggling in the maknae's arms, he suddenly grasped his hair, which made him scream, then planted his eyes on his. Thinking fast, I instinctively rushed towards them both and covered Seunghyun's eyes with my palms, hugging him from behind like I would to a terrified animal. As he tried to shake us both off, he pushed Seungri hard and turned to try to hit me. In the blink of an eye, I brought my arms to my face for protection and Seungri quickly moved to stand between him and me. As he was about to throw a punch, Seunghyun froze and the three of us stood in our positions, immobile. He then unclenched his fist, ran towards me and took me in his arms.

"It's gonna be harder than I thought." he whispered against my shoulder.

I shushed him reassuringly and he tightened his hold on me. Even Seungri tried to comfort him by patting his shoulder, even though he kept his arm extended at maximum in case he'd try to throw a punch again.

Seunghyun didn't let go of my hand as I talked to the receptionists through the gate, then talked to them in person. As one of them guided the second one through the archives of former residents, they both mumbled to one another as they seemed to be unable to find the file. I myself was starting to have doubts: were we in the wrong city? We obviously couldn't, judging by Seunghyun's reaction and the name on the document from the lab. Then why wasn't his file there? As both young ladies were beginning to panic, they called a third member who explained to me with a bright smile that they were still in the photocopy room since someone had come about an hour ago to collect Seunghyun's file as well as any documented trace of him: every report card, every list in which his name appeared, every teacher's note about him, every the drawings he made as a kid were gone! I felt myself pale and couldn't believe my ears. When I asked the three of them who asked for these documents, they said it was confidential. Of course it was... I took Seunghyun by the hand and, as Seungri followed, the three of us left the building.