Regret (Ianthony)

Five Months, One Week Prior

Leaning back further in his seat as Ian drove faster, Anthony automatically cringed. Ian's driving always scared the living shit out of him, but he knew Ian was only doing it for kicks. Ian loved it; Anthony could almost believe Ian when he said that the purr of a tuned engine turned him on.

There was still no reason to be speeding to the grocery store.

Like every other house in the world, the Smosh house would run out of food once or twice a week, which meant it was time to go shopping for groceries at Walmart. Usually, the two were preoccupied with editing and filming videos, so they took turns going to the store. Although this week was Ian's week, Anthony had insisted on tagging along. Somehow, the idea of doing such a tedious chore with Ian would solidify their relationship status in his mind. It was quite appealing, especially since Ian told Anthony that in the next week's Ian is Bored episode they would be revealing that they were each other's boyfriends, with his consent. Of course, Anthony agreed immediately. He had been secretly worrying that Ian would be shy and pressured by the public eye into hiding the fact that he was gay, but, as per usual, Ian surprised him by going along with it.

So, it would be their first time doing a couple's chore together, or grocery shopping together at all for that matter. It would be a completely new experience, and Anthony couldn't wait, although the anticipation was heavily enhanced by his fear of Ian's reckless driving. It didn't occur to him that Ian was only driving dangerously for his sake; to impress him.

Regardless, he was eager to arrive at the local Walmart.   When Ian finally turned the curb to enter the parking lot and stopped the car in a parking space between two large trucks, Anthony was practically expelled from the vehicle from his own excitement. Ian followed at a much more relaxed pace, chuckling slightly at the sight of Anthony's childish glee. However, within seconds, Anthony calmed himself down by tenfold. It wasn't quite natural to rush to shop (for a man, at least).

"So... Any idea what we need?" Anthony asked. He honestly had no clue, and was admittedly guilty of just snatching whatever looked good off the shelves.  

Shrugging, Ian replied, "I just buy whatever looks good."  

"You are not alone, my brother." The two shared a laugh briefly before entering the superstore.  

Making their way efficiently over to the fruit and vegetable section first, Ian questioned, "Anything catch your eye?"  

Anthony only shook his head. "Dude, I thought you were well-aware that I'm American. No veggies or fruits for me."  

"Same here. Grease flows through my veins like blood," Ian joked right back. Again, the two broke out in a shower of giggles and snorts until a woman looked at them questioningly. Eyes narrowed, she quickly picked up on the fact that they were two men. Together. In a grocery store.  

Ian wasn't having it. After noticing her irritating stares, Ian widened his eyes and slowly walked over to the cantaloupe section, careful to retain full eye-contact. Then, he gently lifted two of the largest cantaloupes and held them to his chest as mock-boobs. The lady only muttered something inaudible and kept moving, trying to put some distance between her and the strange man fondling cantaloupes with his "friend".  

He couldn't contain himself. Anthony broke out in chortles, eyes watering from the pure idiocy of the situation. Ian began grinning too, failing miserably at holding in his laughter. The two were gasping for air by the time their chuckles faded into giggles, which in turn faded into grins. Then, Anthony walked over to the cucumber section and snagged a cucumber, holding it over his crotch and making humping motions, which started up the laughter once again.  

"Dude... You're killing me..." Ian gasped, crying from happiness.  

Also guily of joyous tears, Anthony panted, "You started it..." Then, his glee was swiftly replaced with a scared expression as he whispered, "Oh, shit." He was staring over Ian's shoulder, and when Ian turned to see what was bothering Anthony, his jovial composure also straightened considerably.  

Standing before the comedy duo was an employee of Walmart. His face was covered with acne, his short black hair spiked with some sort of gel, and his name tag that boasted the name "Johnny" all pointed out in bold that he was clearly still in high school.  

"A lady reported that you two were harassing her in the produce section. Is this true?" Johnny's voice cracked on practically every syllable, and Anthony had to hold in a snicker. Ian's face was blooming vibrant red with amusement.  

"I'm afraid so, Officer," Anthony joked, almost unable to look the kid in the eye for fear of bursting out laughing.  

"Why?" The words were clearly meant to be serious, but with the combined factors of Johnny's profile and the fact that he meant to be assertive just pushed Ian to the edge. Chortles bubbling out of Ian's mouth, Anthony also broke and the two doubled over, about to piss themselves because this was all so damn funny at the time.  

Clearly, this did not amuse Johnny. "Please exit the store now, and maybe I won't ban you from shopping here forever."  

Tears of laughter coursing down his beet-red face, Ian sassed, "Psh. Like that's gonna really matter when there are like five more grocery stores around here." This comment only made Anthony laugh harder, and now he was sitting on the ground, struggling to breathe over his snorts and giggles.  

Voice dangerously low, the kid commanded, "Get out before I call the manager." Ian grabbed Anthony's hand and helped him up before they both skipped out of the store, still dying from the humorous situation that had just occurred.