Words as Weapons

Chapter 8

Alex Anderson. Who am I, truly. Just a faggot in this world. Just a suicidal faggot who shall never amount to anything. Why am I still alive? What is the purpose of my life. What is the purpose of anything about me. No, there has to be a reason even one why I am still alive. Alive still. I was told I wasn't going to survive in this world. Look at me now, doing exactly that, moping around like a- I don't even want to say the word. For the rest of the day I was just out of it. I didn't want to be bothered by anyone. And I wasn't.  I just wanted to be on my bed thinking, talking to my self so I can make sense of my situation. Finally the day was over, and I didn't have a choice but to sit in the front with the nerds and shy people. I sat alone, I didn't want to sit by anyone. I noticed Chris didn't get on the bus, but I didn't care. Wait I did care. But not right now, I'm just not in the mood. The bus leaves the parking lot and soon the bus had arrive to my house.
"I'm home!" No one replied. Nothing new. My parents don't like to acknowledge me as a human being. To them, to society, to the world, I am just a fag. I go to my room and lock my door. I tried to think about how in the hell did Carter know? I didn't want her to tell anyone else but I have a huge feeling she just might. Like I said, she has the power over my life. I go into my bathroom and look in the mirror.  Maybe I can find my answer. I remember my shrink telling me that I need to look in the mirror and say I'm awesome and I love being me. What type of shit is that. When I look in the mirror all I see is a ugly fag who has nothing to live for. Why was I made this way. Why couldn't I be straight. Why was I given this stupid burden. I looked for my knife. It's time to end it all.
My phone suddenly rings. I put the knife down and answer my phone. "Hey Alex wassup?" This is Carter! How in the hell did she get my number! "Umm," I lied "just watching tv thinking." "Okay cool you're free, can we meet up I think we got off on the wrong foot." I hung up. I didn't want to deal with her. Not right now anyways..