Word count: 1,285
Type: Based on the song ILYSB by LANY (which I attached) and it's an amazing song and also the TRONNOR SONG go listen to it.
WARNING: If you don't like sad stuff then don't say I didn't warn you.
Please don't kill me.
-
Ain't never felt this way
Can't get enough so stay with me
"Connor, don't leave," I whisper. He looks up at me and smiles. I can't handle that smile, that smile that got me addicted. That smile that made me never want to let him go.
"Okay, Troye," he whispers back at me. "That meeting isn't important anyway."
I take his hand and admire him as he blushes. I feel free with his hand in mind, like just our fingers touching somehow gives us some deep connection.
It's not like we got big plans
Let's drive around town holding hands
"Let's go out," I say. I mean, that sounded a lot better than a boring meeting to me. "Maybe see a movie together?"
Connor bit his lip. "Like, like a date?" He suddenly seemed really uncomfortable.
I choked up. "N-no," I said quickly. I wished I'd said something else though, because he looked even sadder and let his hand drop from mine. My palm felt cold without his in it but I didn't take his hand back.
And you need to know
You're the only one alright, alright
And you need to know
That you keep me up all night, all night
"Connor, I need to tell you something," I say, my voice shaking.
Connor looks over at me. "Yeah?" I watch him look at me. I suddenly doubt myself. It would be weird to tell him now, and I wish I had just told him the first chance I got. The truth was, when he asked if we were going on a date, I really liked him and really wanted to, but was too shy to admit it.
I look at Connor and sigh, shaking my head.
"Nevermind."
Oh, my heart hurts so good
I love you babe, so bad, so bad
Oh my heart hurts so good
I love you babe, so bad, so bad
I love Connor. I realised that when we went to a festival the other day and a girl at one of the booths started flirting with him.
"Hey," she said and smiled at Connor as we walked up just to get some popcorn. She winked at him and giggled, swinging her hips as she went to get the drinks. I squinted my eyes at her, not liking the way she treated Connor.
"Hey," Connor said, "You okay?"
"Y-yeah," I said, not feeling okay at all. We sat down on a bench as we watched the fireworks. I looked over at him, watching his hair blow softly in the breeze and the explosions reflected in his glossy, green eyes. I wanted to kiss him so badly. I loved him. I really loved him.
Mad cool in all my clothes
Mad warm when you get close to me
Connor snuggles close to me, the blanket wrapped around both of our bodies. I feel him rest his head on my shoulder and smile, the chilly, late autumn air lingering in the house no longer bothering me. I feel warm and snuggle closer to him. He looks up at the same time and his nose brushes against my cheek. When we lock eyes I feel my cheeks flush, hoping he didn't notice. Why do I have to blush at all the wrong times?
"You're cute," he giggles quietly.
And here I go again, blushing like an idiot.
Slow dance these summer nights
Our disco ball's my kitchen light
"What song is that?" I ask from my spot on the kitchen counter. I'd heard him playing it before.
"Huh?" Connor looks up from his phone, looking so adorable with his flat hair and his grey beanie. Well, our beanie. "Oh, um it's called I Love You So Bad." He smiles a little. "I thought you'd like it."
"Play it, then," I say and he grins and presses play as he comes into the kitchen. He starts mouthing the words while looking at me and I blush again and dance jokingly. I watch as Connor sings the lyrics, having memorized them. Huh. Funny how they kind of apply to me.
He stops for a little bit and we both stand still, our eyes locked. The music plays in the background as I step closer, our arms touching. The lighting makes half of Connor's face in shadow but his eyes catch the reflections of the chandelier. We're so close that I can almost feel his breath. Suddenly, I back away, realising what just almost happened.
No, Troye. It's a bad idea. He can't know yet. It'll probably just make him uncomfortable. I turn away from him as if almost shoving him away. His eyes almost look hurt when I glance at him.
And you need to know
That nobody could take your place, your place
And you need to know
That I'm hella obsessed with your face
"I don't get you, Troye," Connor says, his eyes tired and his voice weak.
"Connor, please," I say.
"Please what?!" He's practically yelling now. "Troye, I just don't get it! We've been so close! So many times I think that you like me. You've given me so many signs. Tell me that's not true." I don't say anything. "We've been through so much. Hasn't it been obvious how I feel about you?!" I feel weak and my eyes start to tear. Maybe it has been obvious. How have I not noticed?
"Troye," Connor says, almost breaking down, too. "I thought you wanted something from me. Because that's what it seems like! But when I try to talk to you, you just shut down. Troye I can't live like this. I can't live my life trying to get you to tell me something you won't tell me. I can't waist my time on you when you put in no effort. I don't get it."
A tear drips down my chin, my body shaking as I'm barely able to look at him. No. He can't leave me. He can't.
"I'll give you one more chance," He says, taking in a breath. "I'll give you one more chance if you just talk to me. Tell me now, right now how you feel. What do you want? What do you want from me? Please just tell me something and maybe this will work."
I look up at Connor, my face wet and my mouth dry. I open my mouth, ready to tell him everything. Tell him how much I love him and that I just want to be his and that I don't want him to leave me. I want to be his last chance.
I open my mouth and no words come out. Connor just looks at me. A minute passes and I haven't said anything. Connor just raises his eyebrow and shakes his head. "I knew you had nothing to say." He turns and opens the front door. "I just don't understand you, Troye Sivan Mellet. And I don't think I ever will."
The door closes and I sit alone. I break into tears, unable to hold anything back. I let my flimsy, soaked body fall into the floor.
I wasted my last chance. I lost the one I love. I lost the one I love more than anyone else.
And it's all my fault.
Oh, my heart hurts so good
I love you babe, so bad, so bad
Oh my heart hurts so good
I love you babe, so bad, so bad
