To Die Is To Awake

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A/N Hey guys! That over there is Pierce The Veil (which I’m sure you knew,) but oh well, enjoy this chapter. =]

[Erin]

          I awoke.

“Fuck.” I muttered and closed my eyes tightly. Someone rushed to my side from a small chair across the room, which I assumed to be a hospital room.  It was Vic.

          “Thank God you’re awake.” He said solemnly.

          “Screw God I want to die.” I told him and he looked into my eyes as if searching for the answer, an answer he wasn’t going to get because it wasn’t his business or my duty to tell him the inner workings of my oh so very disturbed mind. 

          He sighed deeply and opened his mouth to say something, but that is when a dark skinned women with think matted-looking hair dressed in a nurse’s uniform walked in and cleared her throat, before flashing perfect white teeth and walking over to me like she thought she was Mrs. All-that-and-a-bag-of-chips. I rolled my eyes, which seemed to turn her off slightly.

          “Hello Erin.” He smiled and flipped a page on her chart.

          “Hi.” I mumbled, because I knew how this was supposed to be. I’m supposed to feel awful for trying to kill myself, everyone suddenly starts caring about me, they all think I’ll be fine. Not this time. I am beyond angry. Coward. Loser. Failure. I can’t even kill myself right, I buried my head in my hands to force the tears away.

          “Your mother and sister are in the waiting room, if you’d like them to come in?” She smiled and nodded at Vic, who stood and left.

          “You’re lucky we let him in here.” She winked and left, probably heading to get my ramshackle family.

          Ria ran in with her arms outstretched towards me like a 3 year old hugging a poor young person in a sweaty Elmo costume at Six Flags. She had tears streaming down her face and as I hugged her they seemed through my johnny.

          “Shh it’s fine, why are you crying?” I said smiling, my mom was leaning against the door watching the sister-sister encounter. Ria leaned in real close as to not tell mom something,

          “We aren’t telling Mom, she thinks you fainted. Shh.” She whispered in my ear and motioned for mom to come over.

          God bless my sister and her ideas.

          “Hi mom!” I waved and smiled at her, she smiled back and positioned herself on the side of my bed.

          “Feeling better Erin?” She patted my leg.

          “Much thank you.” I said.

          “Well the nurse said we are free to take you home now, but that you probably shouldn’t drive and I must really get to work.” She said solemnly.

          My heart sank, though she didn’t know it, her daughter just attempted suicide and she was leaving after a 30 second visit to go to work. I almost wanted to tell her what really happened, tell her all of it and see if she would put off work for her suicidal daughter. But what if she didn’t and then I told her, and what would the consequences be? I sighed and she handed me my cell phone, and said to call a friend for a ride before kissing me and Ria on the head.

          “I love you girls.” She smiled, waved and walked out. I looked at the door longingly for her to reappear and tell me she really didn’t need to go to work, but after 5 minutes, Ria sighed and said Vic was already bringing us home, to get dressed and meet them in the waiting room.

So I did. 

-      - -

[Vic]

I sat in the waiting room rocking on my feet and letting a few tears slide down my face. Erin was actually mad with herself for not succeeding. I couldn’t believe it. The feeling she gives me makes me feel like I can fly, or swim underwater for minutes on end, or discover a new species or even cure cancer. And all she wants to do is die and leave me all alone.

I can’t help but wonder why she was so broken, in so much pain.

My thoughts were interrupted as Ria sat next to me, patting my knee reassuringly.

“How’s she holding up?” I asked. She just nodded, and within a few minutes Erin walked out. Head hung down toward her black vans. Dressed in a Nirvana t-shirt Ria had brought and gray yoga pants that hugged her slender legs, accenting the unhealthy thigh gap she had. I stood up quickly and engulfed her in a hug so tight. I didn’t want to let her go ago.

“Let’s just go.” She said, not hugging back, but I didn’t care that she wasn’t returning the hug because she was here, in my arms and not being prepared for a casket. She had only slept until 11 the next morning, and the hospital just said we had to make sure we monitored her when she took her medication, because Ria insisted we couldn’t let anyone know what happened, we just told them that we think she took too many pills. I found it weird that they didn’t question how someone accidently takes more than 1 sleeping pill, but they didn’t.

Ria sat in the back, Erin in the passenger seat, I drove towards their house. Erin staring blankly out the window, pain and confusion carved into her features. 

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