beautiful pain | kai parker

darkest secrets// chapter 17

in this chapter you will get to know emma like forreal, y0

omg i have written like four chapters in one day im not publishing all of them in one day cool

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"Y-You do?" My eyes lid up. My stomach was filled up with butterflies.

"Yeah. I had to google it though. But I know now for sure, that I do have feelings for you." He smiled at me.

A relationship with me means no lies, honesty and trust. So, I blurted out the dumbest thing, ever. "Kai, I've lied to you."

His face expression turned from happy to confused. "What?"

"Remember when I told you my brother killed my dad?"

"Yeah?"

I swallowed hard. "It wasn't Stefan, it was me." This was probably the hardest thing ever, I've never told that to anyone, ever.

"What?" His face was calm, and it made me feel like I could trust him.

"I'm only telling you this because I trust you. I can, right?" I asked him.

He nodded. "Of course you can."

We intertwined our fingers again. "In 1864, there were loads of people coming to live with us. They were vampires. While my brothers went to play with Katherine, another Petrova Doppelganger, I became best friends with another girl, named Anna. I was having a hard time with my father. Damon was never home and Stefan was busy doing his things." I said, and I lied down on my bed, with Kai laying beside me, still holding my hand.

"I got to know about the vampires, and I wasn't afraid, I was amused. I wanted to be a vampire. So Anna, her mother Pearl and I got into an agreement; They would take me with them when they were leaving and make me a vampire. So Anna fed me my blood, and broke my neck. I think that is the reason why my neck hurts so much after someone breakes my neck. Anyways, when I woke up, they were gone. The council found out they were vampires. And when I looked for my brothers, both were dead." I said, and tears were filling my eyes. Can you even imagine finding your own brothers, dead?

"I was furious. When I came home, my father told me that it was him, who had killed Stefan and Damon. Because they wanted to help Katherine, which means they knew she was a vampire. My dad was so mad. I had to feed to complete the transition. And when you are in transition, all of your feelings are extremly heightend. So when he told me that, my vampire face was showing, like when you crave blood. When he saw my face, he didn't hesitate to grab the stake he had on his table. He tried to stake me, but I managed to turn the stake the opposite way and I staked him, in the stomach. I touched his wound, and got blood on my fingers. I tasted the blood that was on my fingers, and then I was turned into a vampire." I said. Kai ran his thumb on my cheek. Tears were streaming down my face.

"After realizing what I did, I sat next to his body fourteen hours straight. I just sat there, I didn't even go to the bathroom. Then Stefan showed up. I couldn't believe my own eyes. I thought he was really dead, but Katherine had fed them her blood, and when my father shot them they were in transition. When Stefan showed up, I started to cry. I've never cried so hard, and Anna had told me about the humanity switch thing, so the only thing I screamed was that I had to turn it off. Stefan had also heard about it, and he screamed for me not to, but I did. I turned my humanity off, and left. Stefan and I had a long talk about it fourty years later, and he said he could take the blame for me if anybody ever asked. I couldn't live with the fact that I killed my own father, so when he said he could take the blame for me, I felt finally free. Only Damon knows the truth. But it doesn't change the fact that I killed my own father. But the thing is, now I know how it really was; It was either him or me. I chose to defend myself, which I was taught to do." I said. I wasn't crying anymore, I just.. sat there, with no face expression.

"That old man deserved it, you were defending yourself. It's totally understandable that you did it, he had just killed both of your brothers, aka your bestfriends. Your emotions were heightened, you shouldn't blame yourself. As you said, you were defending yourself, and you were raised to do that." He said and kissed my face. He kissed my forhead, cheek, nose and then my lips. He then sat on my lap and hovered over me. He kissed my jaw and moved to my neck. He found my sweet spot, and started sucking it lightly.

"Kai," I giggled. "Don't give me a hickey." I laughed.

"Won't it just heal?" He asked through the kisses.

"After a couple of minutes, I guess," I said while I moaned slightly.

"Do you want to know another secret?" I looked at him, and he rolled over to the side of my bed.  "My real name."

"Isn't your name Emma?" He furrowed his eyebrows.

I shook my head. "My mother and father wanted me to have the same initials as my dad. GS, his name was Giuseppe Salvatore. So, my name is Gemila Claire Salvatore." I said. I hated my name, it just didn't fit me, to be honest.

Kai's face lid up, and then he started laughing. "Gemila Claire?" He said, and then he was smiling at me. "It's beautiful."

He rested his head on his elbow, and he was literally smiling like an idiot. "How did you come up with Emma?"

"When Stefan was little, he couldn't say Gemila so I just told him to call me Emma. It just stuck to us. Damon started to call me Emma, and everybody who called me Gemila I told them to call me Emma. But my dad hated Emma, so he always called me Gemila." I said and rested my head on my elbow, getting really close to Kai.

"Why not just Camila, Gemma, Mila or something else?" He smirked. "You would have been a good Camila."

"I don't know, but my name is Emma, sooo" I said, moving closer to Kai so our bodies were touching.

"I feel sorry for my dad, who names a kid Giuseppe?" I said, and started laughing uncontrollably.

"Who names a kid Malachai? It's like they expected me to be evil." He said with this serious look on his face.

"Who names a kid Gemila?" I fake gasped.

"Stop it, it's beautiful." He said, and kissed my lips. Our lips moved in sync, before I slowly pulled away.

"But just so you know, my name is a secret! So don't you dare use it on me ever when we are with other people, or I'll kick your ass," I said, and he started laughing.

"Can't promise you anything babygirl."

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this was actually supposed to be a hell of a lot longer but i decided nah yolo

i like the name gemila actually it's just emma who is a bitch towards the name ;//

i know Kai speakes more polite in this book but who gives a shit i don't