Alex

Falling Apart

     I sat on the floor at Joe's house, my knees pulled to my chest and my forehead resting against them. I was leaning against the wall outside the bedroom Joe had put Alex in. It had been over an hour since we had brought him here and put him to bed, but I couldn't stop crying. My phone rang non stop as Katie and Rex both tried to call me. I didn't feel like talking. I didn't even know what to say yet. I could feel someone standing in front of me, I could see Joe's black shoes in between my legs but I didn't look up at him. "Mia, you should rest." he said, standing there. I didn't respond. It's like my body and mind were too tired to even try to form words. "Come on, I'll just put you on the couch okay." He said, crouching down now. I still didn't move as he swooped me up into his arms, effortlessly moving me over to the couch. I let my arms swing back and forth as Joe walked me over to the couch, I was too tired to protest. He laid me down, grabbing a blanket and covering me. "Sleep now Mia." he said and walked away, the lights turning off as he left but the sunlight from the day peaking through the windows. I closed my eyes but only tears found me, not sleep.

     I woke up to a slamming noise, then loud whispers somewhere near me. "The fuck happened Joe?" it was Katie. I slowly sat up, rubbing my eyes and wondering what time it was. "Mia? Fuck, you had us scared to death. You just left and didn't tell us." Katie rushed towards me, engrossing me in a hug. I hugged her back, ready to start crying again but I held it back. "I'm sorry Katie, I just needed to find him." I said pulling away from her. Rex and Joe were watching from the kitchen. "How is he?" I asked, getting up from the couch and walking over to them. Katie followed me like a lost puppy, not letting me too far out of her sight or reach. Joe was silent, making a cup of coffee. "Joe?" I asked, wondering why he wasn't answering. He sat the white mug in front of me. "No, how is he Joe?" I pushed the mug away and headed for the bedroom. "Mia, don't." Joe's voice rattled through the house and stopped me in my tracks. I turned on my heels to face him. "He left Mia." Joe said, looking away from him. I could feel my heart start to clench again, my palms sweating with anger.

     "You let him leave!?" I yelled, heading for the front door. Joe and Rex rushed after me, Katie standing in the living room, watching with a shocked look on her face. "Mia stop!" Rex grabbed me and turned me towards him and Joe. "No, get off me. Take me to him, now! I can't believe you let him leave without waking me up!" I shoved Joe away, zoning my anger in on him. Joe stepped back, staring at me. "He didn't want to see you Mia...He wanted to go clean up before seeing you." he said and I closed my eyes. "What the fuck is going on?" I put the palms of my hands against my eyes, pressing the tears back. "Mia..." Joe whispered. "Can someone just take me home? I just want to go home now." I said, pulling my hands away and staring at Rex and Joe. "We will Mia, come on Rex." Katie appeared now, grabbing my arm and heading out the door. Everything was moving in slow motion, even my heart. 

     I stood in the shower for a long time, letting the water consume me before I finally got out. I wrapped a pink towel around my body, letting my hair drip along my shoulders as I walked into my bedroom. My phone blinked at me from my bed. I stared back at it, holding my breath. I wanted it to be Alex but a feeling deep in my stomach told me it wasn't. I grabbed the phone and fell back on the bed. Two missed calls from Joe, three texts from Katie, one text from Rex and one from Josh. "Hmm." I clicked on Josh's message. 

Josh: Heard about Alex, I'm sorry Mia. If you want to forget the world for a little bit you know how to find me. XOXOXXXXX

     I smiled at Josh's text, forgetting the world might just be what I needed. But not tonight, not right now. Right now I wanted to see Joe. I opened his message thread and started typing. 

Me: Can I come over?

Joe: Please do.

Me: Be there soon, just need to dress. 

Joe: Just let yourself in, Mike and Josh are here. I can ask them to leave if you want.

Me: No, that's okay. I'll be happy to see all of you. 

     I sent my message and stood up to get dressed, taking a deep breath before searching my closet for something to wear. I needed to get my mind off of Alex. The anticipation of waiting for him to call or text was killing me. I wanted to see Joe, he stepped up when I needed him. I could feel that pang in my stomach for him, the one that never really went away.