Spectrum (Frerard, Petekey)

15: Pete Dies In This Chapter

Things were different, and oddly so, Mikey just couldn't quite figure out as to whether it was in a good or a bad way yet, or perhaps more likely neither, somewhere in between, some mess he couldn't even fathom figuring out, because it seemed as if the world just lived to make things complicated.

Nothing could ever be easy, it just didn't work like that. And Mikey was learning that, and learning it fast, with every word, suddenly far more personal, from his parent's lips, from kids at school, from everyone he knew besides Pete and Gee; he hated that, this fucking isolation, only allowed to be himself in such a small space, and for fear of everything, because he knew what would happen if he 'came out', or even if he just expressed a slightly homosexual opinion, and he didn't want to chance it.

And perhaps only in that moment did he understand the significance of Pete punching that kid in the face for him on that first day so many moments ago, that had been everything, that had been Pete setting it 'straight' from the very first moment he'd met Mikey, that he did cared so much more for him than he did for what people thought of him.

Mikey wondered if he'd ever truly come to realise just how lucky he was when he saw Pete by his side, with that smile on his face, and his eyes on his, and everything just sitting right, when they were alone, when they could be themselves, and when every worry in the world seemed to dissipate, because, fuck, when Pete was there with him, Mikey couldn't care, and he couldn't care less.

But in that moment, he didn't find himself at such peace with himself, but instead in a classroom, with Pete in another, his eyes focused on a worksheet that made very little sense, and his mind a million miles away; he felt alien, more than ever before, like he didn't belong here at all, like he was spending his life constantly pretending, but there was no better alternative, and he hated it all, and he couldn't even begin to imagine as to how Gee did this everyday, and how she was always so strong and so nice to people, of course, she wasn't that nice to the assholes, but Mikey really fucking needed to yell at someone right now.

He just wanted to be with Pete, because Pete made it all okay, in the weirdest fucking way, and with his eyes moving to the clock on the wall, counting down every second of the last two minutes, with every sound just floating over his head, nothing in that classroom feeling real at all, and seriously, fuck that maths worksheet, and fuck all it stood for, because Mikey didn't care at all.

Pete was waiting for him outside; Mikey wasn't sure how he always did it - getting out of class quick enough to be there to wait for Mikey, or how he even always seemed to know exactly what classroom Mikey was in at all times, but Mikey appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

"You look a little..." Pete began, a little unsure how to put it, "a little out of it, I don't know, just, are you okay?" He stressed, meeting Mikey's gaze, to which the taller boy forced a smile.

"It's just this place, you know? And I just, I don't know what to say or how to explain, but everything's different now I'm dating you- not that I regret it, because I really don't, I just, I feel like everyone's out to get me for being who I am, and I hate that." Mikey confessed, glancing away from Pete as he did so.

"You know I'll punch anyone who even so much as looks at you in the wrong way." Pete spoke without a moment's thought, leaving Mikey smiling for a moment as the two made their way out of school.

"I think I'm scared of people even looking at me in the wrong way in the first place." Mikey continued to admit, his cheeks a light pink. "It's ridiculous, I know, I just, I didn't even know I liked dudes at all until... it was all really sudden, and I don't regret it at all, I'm just struggling to adjust-"

"You shouldn't have to adjust at all. That's who you are, just be who you are." And Pete made it all sound so fucking easy, and Mikey wondered what it was like for him, and how he could ever even possibly come to ask.