Spectrum (Frerard, Petekey)

21: It's Not A Bad Dick

Gee found herself laid on her bedroom floor; her head most definitely elsewhere, off in some other universe as time ticked by: the world getting away from her, and the muffled sounds of her father yelling at her mother downstairs.

But none of that mattered, because come tomorrow she'd be staying with Frank, and they'd struggle to explain just where she was to her grandmother, who would ask, because she had indeed always liked Gee, well, she'd like Gerard, and from that, Gee hoped to god she'd like her the very same regardless of her gender.

Unlike her parents, evidently - she wondered how they could even call themselves parents if they could hate their children for being themselves. Gee was a girl, Mikey had a boyfriend, and that was for them indeed all the trouble in the world, and it was all so fucking trivial: nothingness, irrelevant, especially in the scheme of things and the universe and everything.

And Gee laughed.

She laid her head back into carpet and laughed.

Because she was beyond the point of feeling sorry for them: certain that they no longer deserved any form of sympathy, because as obvious as it sounded, understanding required understanding, and if they weren't willing to understand her gender and Mikey's sexuality, then she wasn't willing to understand that perhaps things were hard for them, and that perhaps they'd find themselves in an uncomfortable situation with grandma tomorrow.

Gee just laughed.

Because somehow she reckoned that this was going to change things, and she'd been so fucking bored of this all: this house this mess, and in that light, change was the most welcome thing in the world.

But of course, none of it would matter come tomorrow when she was in Frank's bedroom, in Frank's arms, listening to his stories, and smiling at his mother, because Frank's mother, unlike Gee's actually tried, and sure, Gee had heard her slip up and call her son 'Frankie' once or twice, but it was accidentally and she'd corrected herself, apologised, felt embarrassed, whereas, not once in the past two years had Gee heard anything but 'Gerard' from her parents.

She laughed, because they were stupid, and they were wrong, and she was sixteen, and in another two years she'd never have to see them again; she imagined running away with Frank the very moment she became an adult, and just waving this fucking world good bye, but she didn't know if she could quite ever bring herself to leave Mikey.

It was bad for Mikey here, but it was bad for her too.

She let out a sigh, brushing her hair from her face and sitting up: meeting her reflection in the mirror: bare faced for perhaps once in the past few years, because suddenly she found herself so used to the bullshit that it was insignificant, and she looked herself in the mirror and smiled, because it didn't matter at all - this was just a face, and she never had to be perfect, she should never have striven to be.

And it certainly wasn't the products she put on her face that defined her gender, or the clothes she wore, or what was between her legs, but what was in her head: what she felt was right, and she'd known that, but she'd never really felt it.

Because suddenly everything was so small and insignificant and the world just meant nothing at all, because her whole life, her whole existence, everything was all temporary, all in her head, and her gender, her fucking parents, what people thought of her, her virginity, everything meant nothing in the scheme of things, because it was less of what happened to her and more of what she made happen.

And in the silence as her parents stopped arguing downstairs, she laid back and really thought, thought about herself, the future, the world, everything, and Frank, and Mikey, and Lindsey, and Alicia, but not her father and not her mother because they didn't matter in the slightest at all. She just wanted to be happy; she wanted things to work out with Frank, and she wanted to turn about on herself in perhaps five years time and laugh like she had before, because it was all fucking meaningless and all fucking temporary.