You and I

Chapter 43

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I'm going to tell you everything of why I couldn't date you." Will said.

My eyes widened. "Everything?"

"Yes. But I only ask you one thing, that you don't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you." Will said shakily.

"I won't." I assured him.

He took a deep breath. "Cecily and I had an older sister."

My eyes almost popped out of my head. Another sister? What?

"What?" I said, astonished.

"Her name was Ella." Will continued. "She was two years older than Cecily and I. She was a lot like Cecily." He smiled. "They were both fierce and unafraid of anything. Ella tried to protect Cecily and I, from everything. She was the best older sister I could have asked for."

"And then?" I asked softly.

Will took a raggedy breath. "She got killed, and it was my fault. I had been twelve, and Ella had been fourteen. We had been playing tag in the front yard, just Ella and I. I started running onto the road, not looking where I had been going. I stopped in the middle of the street, and I saw a car coming towards me. I was frozen in place. I probably would have been hit, if it hadn't been for Ella. She had ran over and pushed me out of the way, and she had taken the hit. We had called the ambulance, but she died at the hospital an hour later." Will sounded dead.

That's what Will had meant when he had said he knew what it felt like, when Nate had gone missing. My hand flew up to my mouth, and my eyes widened.

"Oh my gosh." I whispered.

"I remember looking at her in the hospital, thinking that, that should have been me." He said bitterly. "I was the one who had stupidly ran into that street, so it should have been me laying in that hospital bed."

"Will, it wasn't your fault--" I started.

"That's what everyone told me." He cut me off. "That it wasn't my fault. But it was. If I hadn't of ran into the street, Ella would have never been killed."

Will's voice cracked, and he stopped talking.

"Will." I whispered. "Will, you don't have to tell me this."

"Yes I do." He said.

He took a deep breath, and began to speak again. "When Ella died, she took a part of me with her. I became cold, and mean, and empty. I didn't let anyone get close to me, except for Jem and my family. I thought that I couldn't be loved, because I would only bring that person pain."

He paused for a moment. "Jem was the one who made me laugh, and made me smile. He basically saved me. You'll see now, why I owe him so much. He kept me alive. Besides Cecily, he had been the only one who could make me laugh, until..." He broke off.

"Until what?" I asked.

"Until you came." Will said.

I felt surprised go through me. Will was looking at me now, his blue eyes bright.

"You showed up, and made me laugh like it was nothing. Nobody had made me laugh, except for Cecily and Jem, in five years. I'm not sure if you felt it too, but I when first met you, I felt something pass between us." Will said shakily.

I thought back to that moment, and I remembered the strange feeling I had gotten when I had looked at him.

"I felt it, too." I said quietly.

"I started to spend more time with you, and I soon realized that I had fallen in love with you." Will blushed. "But I knew that I couldn't. I couldn't let you love me back, because I knew that I was only bad luck."

I was too surprised to say anything, so he went on.

"The reasons I stopped us from having-well, you know what. Was because I knew that if we did it, I would be tied to you forever. I knew that I would love you forever, and I knew that I couldn't let that happen. When you started dating Sean, I had felt depressed as I had when Ella had died." Will said. "I felt so angry at you, but I knew that it was my own fault for not dating you. I started to date Tatiana, just to take my mind off you, but of course it didn't work."

"What changed?" I asked quietly. "What made you tell me this?"

Will exhaled, and came and took a seat beside me. "That kiss, at the dance. I knew then that I had to get over my fear of being loved. I knew that I had to tell you that truth, and so I am going to."

He stopped talking, and took a deep breath. He then looked at me, and I had never seen his eyes so blue.

"I love you, Tessa, and I have since the moment I met you. You're the only person who understands me perfectly. You like the same books as I do. You read the same poetry as I do. We're alike. You and I, Tess. I denied my feelings for you for so long, and then one day it finally hit me. I'll never love anyone else, in my lifetime. It's only you. I completely, and fully, belong to you."

I stared at Will, opened mouthed. Had he just said that to me? He loved me. For real. Will Herondale loved me. I had always dreamed of someone saying these words to me, but I had never dreamed of someone as beautiful as Will saying them.

"I love you too, Will. I have also loved you since the moment I met you." I said finally. "I had tried to convince myself that I loved Sean, but it was you. It had always been you. You were right that day, I am yours. I'll never find anyone who I love more than you."

Will stared at me, open-mouthed. He then leaned forward, and kissed me. My hands went around his neck, and his went around my waist. Will kissed me deeply, and I fell back onto his bed. He was on top of me, in an instant. He went down and started to kiss my neck. I tugged on his hair, and he made a sound.

My hands played with the hem, of his shirt. I ran my fingers over his chest, and he moaned. He took off his shirt, and started to kiss me again.

"God, I love you, Tess." Will said as he kissed me.

"I love you, too." I breathed.

His hands then fumbled with my shirt, and in a second, it was off. Will slid his hands underneath my bra, and I moaned much louder than I had intended. He started to bite and kiss my spot on my neck.

"Oh, Will." I moaned, and clutched at his arms.

His hands then went to the zipper of my jeans. Will looked up at me with a questioning look, and I nodded my head. He then tugged my jeans off, and I was half naked in front of him. Will went back to kissing me, and I felt for the zipper of his jeans. He made sound, as I unzipped them. Will tugged them off. Oh god, this happening, I thought.

Will kissed me very roughly, and his hands slid behind my back. He undid my bra, and threw it aside. I blushed, and he smirked at me. With a cheeky smile, he leaned down to my chest and kissed me where I didn't expect it.

"Oh my god!" I shouted, and my hands tugged at his hair.

Will laughed, and came back up and kissed me again. My hands were running up and down his back, and he was breathing hard. His hands than found their way to the waistband of my underwear.

"Are you sure?" I asked him.

And this time, he didn't make us stop.