BLEAK

Chapter One

1

My shoulders shook as sobs racked my body, I was quivering worse than before and this was, undeniably, the worst of my episodes.

It hurt, hurt to know that such a fake smile could hide so many feelings and problems that no one could see. I was shocked that not one single person, zero people, have picked up on something that's wrong. That I'm not okay.

I wasn't pretty, I wasn't model skinny, but I had an okay figure and was smart and funny. Well, an idiot is more precise. I've never been the class idiot - we had Cayden for that - but and idiot within friendship groups, always able to make people laugh.

It's been nearly two years since my thirteen-year-old self had confessed to the mass of self-loathing filling every nook and cranny of my head and brain to my parents. They were shocked, to say the least.

That time, that eleven o'clock confession, had certainly contained one of my worst bout of crying. All the pent up emotion had decided to come out in tears. The anger, I could handle, explain that I was under the weather, no one would really take much notice anyway. But the tears and vulnerability? No way. It was entirely against my nature to let people in my head. I would know, I'd made that mistake before.

The whole confession had came about when I had slapped him, my - at the time - eleven-year-old brother. He hadn't really done anything wrong, but anger from school and social issues made me snap. The jar in which my feelings were held, cracked and I saw red. Even two years on, I still remember it vividly.

"So, where's Joe?" I asked, curious. Then I remembered. "Oh yeah! Blue Peris." Blue Peris was a trip that took place in Year Eight at his school, but Year Nine at ours.

"Lozzy, what's Blue Peris?" Elliot, my younger brother had asked.

"A trip," I answered. Elliot seemed satisfied.

"It's so good!" Abigal, a year my senior, commented.

"Lozzy!" Elliot asked again, making me turn to him. "What do you do at Blue Peris? What do you do at Blue Peris?" He repeated over and over again.

I glanced at Abigail in frustration, the boy wasn't even letting me speak!

Then, I slapped his face. Harder than I thought I could ever do it.

Honestly, I regretted more than ever.

Mum and Dad had been furious, and shocked. No one knew I had it in me to be so violent.

Then I'd explained. Explained everything.

How inadequate I felt, how I felt like a tag-along, how I felt unwanted. They had no answer.

Little did they know, those feelings haunted me every single day. Hence this major breakdown in the school toilets one lunch time in June.

I was, to put simply, depressed.

Author's Note:

-SHORT I'M VERY SORRY-

Quite a Bleak start (see what I did there?). But, you know, you're reading this so you're obviously not bored of my writing already! YAY!

Chapter Two SHOULD be out next Saturday/Sunday, maybe earlier if I'm feeling nice! I've almost finished most of the interesting parts of the 'book', so it's only a matter of me being bothered to upload.

BYE DARLINGS!

-Hannah x