Rainbow Kisses | Tyler Posey | ✓

Pixie

Loner // Only You

Pixie.

Only Time Will Tell.

Thirteen.

When you're thirteen you're not even supposed to know the definition of being depressed. But I did. And I was the definition. I mean, I had all the symptoms. Unhappy all the time, I didn't wanna eat as much as I used to, I felt alone, as if no one gave a crap about my existence. I felt like I wanted to die every second of everyday.

It all started since I started with high school. I was younger since I started with school earlier, and I lost all my old friends from primary, they all changed.

Do you know how hard it is to pretend that you're okay? To pretend as if you have friends and your life is going peachy?

I sucked and still suck at socializing, so I was alone for almost half of my freshman year. I was all alone, with no friends, already struggling to keep my grades up. I lacked concentration, because I lacked sleep every night, staying awake crying. Because I felt so alone. I pretended to be sick most of the time, to get out of going to school and having to sit alone under the oak tree eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich while reading.

Until Raye and her friends invited me to join them during lunch. They were nice and made me smile after months of not having. We literally became besties and hung out more. They motivated me to do more my best, so I did. I went to school everyday and did my homework properly.

I felt happy again and the sadness went away. Well not completely.

All until Nyx was born.

My parents gave me barely any, to no attention. Unlike they always did. It always was 'baby this', 'baby that'. Give me a fucking break. I was already alive and breathing, but still you have the nerve, the audacity to care more about a creature that isn't even out of the womb yet.

They abandoned me. All until Nyx was one and I was nearing towards the big fifteen.

Fifteen

Well it isn't that big but it was one year closer to having my own car license so it was big for me.

They worked more leaving me to take care of Nyx on a daily basis. Their business was in danger since barely anyone was visiting their stores.

My hate for Nyx became less and she actually became my everything. But then the bullies came in. They started bashing me and my friends since were low on the popularity list, like really low.

That's when every bit of depression hit me in the face again. Without the support of my parents, it was harder than I thought. I felt lonely again and just like I did a year ago. Not knowing how to deal with the pain, I let it out on my body. I saw that depressed girls did it on television, so I thought, I hoped that it would make me feel better. And it did.

That was all until Raye and her boyfriend Zayn catched me doing it. Raye got beyond mad and Zayn was just in shock by seeing all the blood pour out of my legs. It was a lot, maybe even too much.

She gave me a slap to reality, literally and threw every harmful thing within my reach away. Zayn was a popular guy, with many popular friends so they stood up for us and threatened for them to leave us alone, which happend.

We were higher on the popularity list, thanks to Raye and Zayn, so my friends and I had to act like it more. We started going to parties, became cheerleaders, ate at the popular table etcetera. But it made me even more unhappier. Not wanting to damage my skin anymore, knowing that Raye will find out and my parents too, I started drinking.