The Fall of Alexander the Great (Monteverde Series 3)

26

Chapter Twenty Six

Hinugot ko ang cellphone ko at sinubukang tawagan si Alexander pero hindi siya sumasagot. Dahil desperada na ako ay sinubukan ko ring tawagan si Daze pero nagriring lang ang numero niya. Binuksan ko ang Facebook at hinanap ang profile ni Alexiana. Tumulo na ang luha ko nang hindi ko ito makita.

Pakiramdam ko ay unti-unti akong nauupos sa kawalan ng pag-asa.

Nahahapong pumasok ako sa unit ko at ibinagsak ang sarili ko sa sofa. Hindi ko na napigilan ang malakas na paghagulgol. I am such an idiot. I screwed up. Sana ay hindi ako umalis ng Bicol. Sana ay hindi ako nagdesisyon agad. Sana ay magkasama pa kami ngayon.

Biglang bumukas ang ilaw sa buong unit. Takang napatigil ako sa pag-iyak upang tignan kung sino ang nagbukas nito. Napako ang tingin ko sa pigurang gulat na nakatingin sa akin mula sa kinatatayuan niya. Nanginginig ang balikat ko. Kumikibot ang labi ko kaya kinagat ko ito. Panandalian akong hindi nakagalaw habang nakatingin lang sa kanya.

He is standing on my bedroom doorway wearing dark blue boxers. He looked like he has just gotten out of bed - my bed.

"Alexander..." I mouthed his name.

He smiled weakly and opened his arms wide, signaling an embrace. I wasted no time. I ran to his direction and let him bury his face on my hair. He kissed the top of my head sweetly as if the past two weeks did not happen, as if we spent absolutely no time apart.

"Nandito ka." I cried as I hugged him back. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

"Shhh," he whispered. "Welcome back home, love."

I missed hearing that endearment.

"I knew you'd come back." Seryoso ang tingin niya habang pinupunasan ang luhang naglalandas sa magkabilang pisngi ko. He is too gentle, too sweet, that I am finding it difficult to swallow down my guilt. My lips quivered under his deep scrutiny.

"Sorry." Alam kong hindi ito sapat para sa katangahang ginawa ko, pero I still want to say it out loud, so he knows I regret leaving.

"You came back and that's what matters to me."

"I let my fears take over. I let myself be blinded by my doubts about life, about love, about you. I wasn't thinking straight and..." I can't stare at his eyes. "and I hurt you." I sniffed. "All my life I've been evading love, thinking I don't need it. But you came and showed me how wrong I was. I thought solitude was bliss, but you proved me wrong."

I wanted to say more words. I wanted him to understand the depth of the things I feel. But he placed a finger on top of my lips to stop me. His touch seemed to be charged with electricity. It was galvanic.

"I've missed you so much." Nginitian niya ako, ngunit hindi ito umabot sa mga mata niya. Seeing him wear that expression ignited another wave of self-repugnance.

Tumingkayad ako para abutin ang labi niya at tila hinihintay niya ito dahil sinalubong niya ang halik ko. Parang sasabog ang puso ko sa sobrang saya. Kanina akala ko ay umalpas na sa aking kamay ang tsansa na maging masaya, pero heto siya, naghihintay sa akin.

Buong buhay ko, hindi ako masyadong nagtiwala sa mga tao sa paligid. I was so used to having a small circle - my parents, Amanda, Roselynne, Terry. They're all I have because I was unwilling to let people in. While Alexander let me enter his life, I pushed him away from mine. He introduced me to Daze whose energy I miss, to Alexiana whose cooking is spectacular, to Vane whose playfulness is endearing.

He's right.

I'm not alone anymore. I have him. And from now on, he'll always have me, too.