The Fall of Alexander the Great (Monteverde Series 3)

35

Chapter Thirty Five

Ignorance is bliss.

When you don't want to lose a person, you're going to do stupid things for them. At kasama doon ang pagpapatay malisya kahit nararamdaman mo ng hindi na maganda ang takbo ng relasyon niyo.

Bumangon ako at nagluto ng almusal. Pagkatapos ay nagtimpla ako ng dalawang baso ng kape. Alexander likes black coffee, samantalang ako mas prefer ko 'yung may creamer.

Nang mailapag ko ang kape sa mesa ay napangiti ako ng mapait. He goes to breakfast with me every morning and goes out on a lunch date with someone else. Nagtubig ang mga mata ko pero pinunasan ko agad ang mga ito.

I have resorted to thinking that there are people out there whose fate are more rotten than mine. Other people have it worse than I do. Mayroong mga mag-asawa na tuluyan ng naghihiwalay kahit may mga anak, mayroong mga magkasintahan na hindi nagkakatuluyan dahil kaibigan pa ng isa ang gusto.

I took a deep breath. The things I can do for Alexander are unbelievable. Nagpapakatanga ako sa kanya. Pero okay lang sa akin, basta hindi siya mawala gagawin ko ang lahat. Hindi ko ni minsan maisip na darating ako sa ganitong punto.

Narinig ko ang pagbukas ng pintuan ng kwarto. Alexander yawned as he walked toward me in his nakedness. I tried to avert my gaze because I started thinking of other things. Things that hurt. Things that I don't know if I want to hear the answers to.

Have they done it?
Where do they do it?

Is she better than me?

My mind was begging me to stop.

The thoughts were enough to crush my heart into tiny little bits. Kinuha niya sa isang tabi ang boxers na nakasabit at doon nagbihis sa harap ko.

"Good morning," I said and smiled. He smiled back. It was an easy laid-back smile. And oh, how I hated it and loved it all the same.

"Go eat, I prepared breakfast for you."

Naglakad lang siya papunta sa akin at binuhat ako at ibinaba sa countertop. "Where's my good morning kiss? Are you still mad?"

I shook my head and held his face. I kissed him the way you would kiss a man you're afraid of losing. I kissed him the way you would kiss a man you love and hate simultaneously. I kissed him with passion and with anger, with love and with bitterness. I kissed him, the way I never did before. And when I detached myself, I was already tearing up. He saw my cheeks and frowned. Pinunasan niya ang mga luha ko at tinignan ako sa mga mata.

"Why?" he asked.

Nagtiim-bagang ako. Shouldn't I be the one asking him that?

Why are you cheating on me?

Why do I love you despite all the terrible things you are doing to me?

"I'm going to ask you one question. I want an honest and straightforward answer." I wanted to stop myself, to just let it go, but at this moment I knew I have reached a point of no return. So, I mustered all the courage in me.

"Sure, love. What is it?"

"Are you cheating on me?"

"What?" Sa una ay kalmado ang tanong niya habang blanko ang mukha.

"Are you cheating on me, Alexander?" I repeated.

"WHAT?!" sigaw niya. Namumula ang mukha niya at naramdaman ko ang biglaang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko habang naghihintay ng sagot.