Song with chapter is " sad songs by we the kings"
It's almost 2am and I'm in louis room while he's sound asleep next to me while I'm feeling the worse I ever have.
Everything's going through my mind, especially Harry blaming me for killing my own baby.
I slowly got up and made my way downstairs to the dark kitchen.
I kept the lights off and went to the cabinet taking out the bottle of vodka and pulling out my razors.
I felt tears making their way down my face as I opened the vodka bottle taking mouthfuls of the liquid
I put it down breathing heavy, having no idea what I was About to do but not regretting it.
I pulled out my razor brining it closer to my wrist.
"I'm sorry Harry" I sobbed brining it closer to my wrist
I slid it across feeling the sharp solid cut through my skin. I squeezed my eyes shut sliding it again
I take a deep breath dropping the razor as the blood began to ooze out.
I quietly sob setting the note I wrote on the table.. I hope they know this isn't their fault
He's probably going to find some other person to make him happy.. I'm just not good enough
I grab a rope from Liam's supply cabinet and grabbed a chair as tears made their way down my face.
I don't want to do this but this will be for the best. I wipe my eyes and adjust the chair.
I wrap the rope around a hard piece of wood that was on the wall and set everything up..
I stand on the chair as more tears spill out of my eyes. I hope everyone knows they didn't pressure me to do this
I take a deep breath as I bring my head in the circle I close my eyes , my body shaking but felt someone push the chair and I fell into a hard chest quickly hugging me
I don't bother looking up.
" I'm sorry" I sob into their chest and my body starts shaking again. I hear them crying hard and look up seeing Liam..
" Alex why" he cries, his eyes turning red and tears speeding down his face
He holds me closer to him and I cry in his neck.. This is honestly breaking my heart even more.
My own brother.. What if he didn't make it in time.. I look at him and he's just as worse as me.
"I'm so sorry Liam I'm I'm ... such a fuck up I was ga gonna make you happy" I sob harder. This doesn't help at all.
" Alex I almost saw you take your own life Infront of me" he sobs as we finally made eye contact
After a while he set me down still sobbing and so was I. He held my hand in his and saw my cuts and the blood.
He looked up closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Another tear escapes his innocent brown eyes.
" IM SORRY I SHOULDVE DONE IT SOONER!" I cry/yell falling to the floor and he throws the vodka bottle across the room
I feel like he's blaming himself. But he shouldn't be.. He walks to me picking me up and hugged me tight
" Alex I love you so much I'm so so so so sorry for making you want to do this I'm so fucking sorry, I rather kill myself than see you go through this" he sobs into my neck and lays his hands on my hair
" seeing the rope... Razors.. And your note.. Alex why would you think of this please tell me!" He sobs loudly making me break down even worse than before
Oh yeah.. My letter which said
Hey guys.. I'm sorry for causing you all so much trouble for the times I've been here. I didn't mean to but I'm so sorry. You all were actually like a family to me. You made me smile, cry and laugh when I needed to. Your probably all in pain and it's because of me but this was what I had to do. I can't live like this anymore.
I'm sorry Liam for being the worse sister in the world and you tried loving me but it was hard. I love you so much Liam and don't ever forget that. You've been an amazing big brother and I couldn't wish for any better. But You seeing me dead Infront of you doesn't make you proud of me.. But I understand. Love you so much Liam. Don't cry no more, for me.
Hey Niall. I love you so much and you should know that by now. You've made some pretty amazing sandwiches. I know your breaking down and I don't blame you. You were always there when I needed a laugh and now I need you to stay strong. I don't want You crying over me nialler. Your an amazing guy and were honestly considered a brother to me. Love you so much
...
Harry. I'm sorry. I love you so much and I still do. To this day I do. We've been though a lot with eachother but I couldn't go on like this anymore. I hope you find someone better than me because you deserve the best. I love you Harry so much. I've never stopped loving you either.
If I were still alive I would've married you. But we kind of are already married aren't we? You've helped me with much things and I can't thank you enough for that. You were my first real love. You taught me how to be happy instead of sad all the time
I know we've had some bad and hard times but now we're both relaxed. Without you, I have no hand to hold , and I'm torn. But you know how to fix me and I'm sorry we couldn't be that happy family you've always wanted.
Always remember this Harry. I love you with all my heart and I always will because no ones tried so hard to make me happy or even tried hard to stay with me. But you did. Please don't cry, your precious eyes aren't meant for tears. One day we'll be together... Just not these days. I love you to the moon and back Harry Edward Styles..
" it's because of Harry isn't it!" He almost yells making me flinch and starting to shake.
I nod and be slowly puts me down and wipes his eyes with his shirt. He picks up my razors and pills and took all the ropes and hid them.
He takes my hand leading me to the lounge room as he quietly sobs. He sets me on the couch and hands me his sweater and rolls up the sleeves and sits next to me with the first aid kit.
He gently dabs my cuts and then put alcohol making me scream from the burning. He cleans them up and runs his finger through my cuts.
He shakes his trying to contain his tears. I don't know why he would care this much..
" y- you saved m- my life" I whisper. He lays back and I sit next to him laying my head on his chest as his arm is around
" it it's okay.. Don't leave my side tonight Alex. I'm serious" he quietly sobs as I begin to fall asleep
