drown.

they tøld me i was gøne ↠ chapter viii

a/n: sry for leaving you hanging :))) pls don't hate me okay

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//j

i don't know why i decided to ask that. i don't actually like debby, not in that way. and i'd heard tyler's whisper of "i love you", the one he thought i didn't hear. the one i didn't want to hear.

and i said to myself that it was because i couldn't be gay. that's what my parents would tell me, anyway. and that's what my pastor would tell me.

but really?

i couldn't be enough. he couldn't hold on to me.

because i wasn't enough, for anyone. and that's what the voice would tell me, slurring, blurring his words together.

the sun was beginning to rise from its grave, but i hadn't; no, i felt more dead inside than ever. i curled up into a ball, shaking, crying. thoughts raced through my head, suffocating me.

i'm sorry, tyler, but i can't live for you. not for nothing in return,

so be concerned.

//n (tw: post-suicide attempt, blood, etc)

tyler struggled to reach the phone, his scars reopened, littered with bleeding lines, his lifeblood beginning to fall away -- too fast, fast, save me.

he grasped it numbly with one hand, the touchscreen staining with blood, his eyes veiled with tears. after some fumbling, he managed to type in josh's number. tyler laughed to himself; the embarrassment that it took him to ask "hey, what's your number?" was paying off, wasn't it?

no, the voice hissed. because it won't make a difference.

tyler heard the dial tone as his vision began to darken. his breathing slowed.

and yet, he tried to hold on. just this once. to hold on to josh.

"hello? who is this?" josh answered, his voice quivering.

"j - josh," tyler breathed, darkness taking over.

"tyler? tyler?" josh panicked, but he heard no reply. he only heard the sound of a body hitting the floor.

//t

i look outside, see a whole world / 

better off /

without me in it /

trying to transform it.