Waiting For You

Chapter Seventeen

Again and again

I stopped saying since,what if,when etc. That connects me with my past with him...years went on and the love and longing that i had turned into depression and then it turned into something powerful.Hate.i hated everything that connects with him i hated the fact that i loved him,the fact that i used to kiss him with all my heart,i hated the fact that in every song that i hear every word that the people around me speaks reminds small parts of him small parts that then will become big parts and what i hate most is i Krista Reign am guilty for lying to myself all these years that i could keep myself innocent,pure and kind hearted after all i'ved been through and i'ved learned something since he left.that people only go through your life then later on go

Its better to live like this...live with no love except for your family and never hope.at least this way im happy...well not so happy like i used to be but im not asking much.basta ayaw ko ng masaktan.

"Ate!" Kristal.i dont get my sister sometimes she's normal and happy and sometimes nababaliw sya pag naalala nya yung ex nyang...namatay...and im happy when she's happy.im happy she's normal.today

"Yeah?" Im infront my mirror brushing my hair

"Sorry kung nag tantrums na naman ako kagabi ahh" i smiled at her,it's okay "Ate i wanna go shopping" as always gusto nyang mag shopping. I rolled my eyes,in mind kasi halos everyday na syang nag s'shopping

Im 24 now.i was 18 when i studied in Paris for 4 years then after i graduated i came back to my so called home

Kaya lang naman ayaw kong nalabas is because mahirap magtago sa media they're always chasing me pero as much as possible i always try to hide my face kahit may mga events ako.if have to dress up like Sia,Lady Gaga or Vice ganda i would just to hide my face...because i dont want him to see me,i so hate him i dont want him to see me or for me to see him because 2 years ago i received something,something that reminisced all of my bad memories,a letter that brought back my sadness and fear,i was okay after i graduated,but that's what i thought

Dear Krista,
            Im sorry if i cant go through every little things that is happening in your life and i am also sorry for leaving you.i'll always come back for you wait for me

I.am.never going to wait for him again.all i wanna do is hide from him.

We both went to the mall.ewan ko ba kung bakit gustong gusto nya oang nabili sa botique ng iba if i could just design clothes for her and she will never have to go to malls but this is what she likes so i guess its fine...pero di ko alam kung bakit parang may weird akong nararamdaman ngayon parang may gut feeling ako na i should'nt go.i hate it when i have a gut feeling but still i continued to go

We drove our way through the mall and after we arrived there she came running through all the botiques like its her first time I prepared myself for this shopping spree of hers.kung lagi akong nag su-suot ng heels this time im wearing flats kasi im sure kakaladkarin nya na naman ako

"Hey ate look at this.does this look good on me?" Everything will look good on you.we look alike.she's 18 now bata pa siya nung pumunta sya sa puder namin and since then kami na yung naging family nya buti nalang mabait si mommy and mom treated her like her own daughter

"Everything will look good on you magka mukha kaya tayo" i said and she giggled.and i remember myself through you but unlike you you're still innocent and sobrang gastos -_-
"Kristal you have got to control that spending problem of yours oo nalulunod na tayo sa pera at hindi ako naghihirap kaya kita pinagsasabihan pero gosh mag c'college ka na di ka parin marunong mag manage ng pera mo" she's annoying me she's making faces again binato ko sakanya yung throwpillow sa sofa nung botique

"Ouch sama netong kapatid" eh kung di ko kaya bayaran yang pinamili mo.this is her normal self -_-...i cannot believe that she is taking is going to be a future pedia if she looks more like a fashion designer like me

"Ate i really never knew kung bakit kayo naghiwalay eee you both look so happy in your pictures"

"Didn't i told you na ayaw kong pinag uusapan yan? And san mo nakita yung mga pictures?! Diba sabi ko sayo wag mong gagalawin yon? Bakit ba ang tigas ng ulo mo?" I have to calm myself,ayoko lang talagang pinag uusapan si...basta

"Ate you do know that he will always be a part of you kahit anong gawin mo he played a big role in your life,isa sya sa dahilan kung bakit ka ganyan and kahit anong gawin mo pag sinabi yang pangalan mo,you will always be remembered with him.its like a tattoo you'll always have them there's no other way to get it out of your body but to accept the fact that he was a part of you and admit the fact that you were once the world of each other that unfortunately drifted apart and also accept the fact that you once loved him and maybe until now because you would'nt feel that anger inside you if you dont love him anymore" she cried.naalala nya na naman "im sorry ate pero ayoko na mag shopping.i wanna rest eto nakang yung mga bibilhin ko." We both went home after that naka bukod na ako ngayon sa parents ko i have my own house now and the flower shop is still living after all these years and doon parin ako tumatambay pag may free time but today i just wanna rest

I threw my flats to the side of the door and called my maid so she could give me a snack inside my room...after i entered my room i dived myself in my bed and look up through my ceiling then to my window and tears falled down like a fountain...my eyes bursting all of the fluids i could...and my brain processing what i am doing and thinking of the reason why i'm crying once again maybe because of my sister's words...maybe because she's right

I keep on denying that he was once a part of me...or no...bigger than that.he was once my world.but i keep on denying that.it's true he is a part of me but denying him makes me feel good in a good way.it's one of the way to lessen the pain that im still going through everytime that i remember him...and im sure in time i wont have to deny him because like i wish in every night i sleep someday i will just laugh at all these bad memories that will later on turn into a good memory and someday there will come a day that when he bumps into my head he will be remembered as just one of the man i used to love but i know that today is not that day.but there is one thing im sure today,and that is i dont love him anymore what im going through now is just the fruit of no closure and curuosity that is up until now unanswered

I just cried and cried myself until i drifted into a slumber of him again like how i used to sleep when i was eighteen like how miserable my sleep was because even in my sleep its still him.and i dont know why im in a slumber of sleep of him again and again and again