Waiting For You

Chapter Twenty Eight

Fedora Hat

I've cried so many times and up until now hindi parin ito nauubos,may mga panahong gusyong gusto ko ng tumigil sa pag-iyak kaya paulit ulit kong sinasabo ko sa sarili ko na wala akong karapatan umiyak,wala akong karapatan na mag inarte,na hindi ko deserve ni umiyak man lang dahil merong ibang tao na gustong gusto ng umiyak pero hindi nila ginagawa iyon.

May mga tao na mas maraming pinagdadaanan kesa sa akin kaya anong karapatan kong umiyak?

Palagi kong pinipilit ang sarili kong pigilan ang pag-iyak.Pero siguro kahit anong pilit ang gawin mo magmamakaawa parin itong lumabas,parang isang tao na hindi titigil hanggat hindi nakukuha ang gusto ng kanyang puso.

So sa mga panahong naghahanap ako ng taong aayos sa akin.Sa tingin ko ay nakahanap nga ako at kasabay nito ang pagsira ko sakanya.

Maling mali ang ginawa kong pagbago sa kanya,sobrang mali.Sising sisi ako na ginawa ko iyon.

Wala tayong karapatang diktahan ang isang tao sa dapat niyang maging,dapat ay tinatanggap natin sila sa kung ano man sila.

I wrote Cale a letter of how much he meant to me,he said he appreciate it.After that umalis na siya.I asked him how long is he going to be there,nginitian niya lang ako.Isang ngiti na alam ko ang kahulugan pero di ko lubusang mawari,basta ang alam ko ay isa itong ngiti na pinaghalo-halo ng lungkot,saya,at panghihinayang.

Sa mga panahon na iyon nadama ko at alam kong kahit anong mangyari kahit pa na umalis siya ay magiging magkaibigan parin kami.

Hindi sukatan ng pagiging kaibigan ang kung gaano niyo kadalas nakikita,nakakausap o kung ano man kundi ang koneksyon na meron kayo na hindi masisira kahit gaano pa katagal,ang contentment sa puso at isip ng isa't-isa ang siyang batayan nito.

Yung tipong pag isang araw.Pag nagkabanggaan kayo magagawa niyong makangiti,tumigil at ikwento ang buhay ng isa't-isa.

"You take care there okay?" I hugged him for the last time.At least now i have the chance to say my goodbye and give him the contentment smile.

"I will,and please this time hold on." I nodded my head and took one step backward.

Slowly,painful,sadly,happily.

I looked him in the eye,and with that we had our silent promises embedded in our heads and a lullaby song good for God knows how many years to keep our hearts patiently waiting.

It's not a very good timing to be so dramatic that I'm literally left with mom.

Ethan left and Cale left but i know in time they'll come back again.

We have a whole life ahead of us and there are times that we have to wait,we have to pause,we have to play,we have to stumble then stand then repeat the whole cycle again.

I know that by the time that they come back we each have our own lives that we owe to each other.

Mahigpit kong hinawakan ang aking fedora hat na nagpupumilit na umalis dahil sa hangin habang tinitignan ang mapa ng Norte ng Pilipinas habang ako ay nasa isang camp site katabi ang aking kotse.

So this is what I've been doing for the past 2 years that Ethan and Cale left.

Enjoying the adventures that I didn't had because I was too busy weeping myself to death.

Ang wavy kong buhok na hanggang taas na lamang ng aking dibdib ay sumasabog na dahil sa hangin at taas ng lugar kung nasaan ako ngayon kaya ng wala sa isip ko iyong tinalian ay lumipad ang mapa pati narin ang fedora hat ko,pati tuloy ang pagtatali ko ng buhok ay naantala.

Ng sinubukan kong habulin ang fedora hat ay may nakakuha na pala nito at wala sa isip akong nagpasalamat at pumikit ng na realise ang katangahan ko.Kinuha ko ang fedora hat sa lalaki ng hindi man lang ito tinitignan sa mukha.

Sumalubong sa akin ang isang napaka pamilyar na balat at amoy.

Tiinignan ko ito mula paa hanggang sa mukha nito.

Natulala ako ng wala sa oras.

His now bronze skin is as sexy as fuck and his dark blue polo shirt that's folded up until his elbows are struggling to hold the biceps that he has.His brood shoulders made me shudder for a while.

We stood there.He smiled at me.Still i stood there,still at the mode of being shocked until he took one step forward making me look at his chest and he took the fedora hat off of my hands and placed it in my head.

Inangat niya ang aking ulo at doon lamang ako natauhan.

Damn! He's real! Like...Woah real!
I hugged him and felt giddy so i jumped up and down like a child while hugging him.

My God! I miss this guy so much.

"That felt good." Sabi niya ng kumalas ako sa yakap niya habang maluha luha ako dito.

Ibang iba na ang pagkikita namin ngayon kesa noon.

Kung noon ay umiiyak ako sa galit at lungkot ngayon ay dahil sa saya.Purong kasiyahan lamang na nandito na ulit siya uwi at dala dala ang tahimik na sumpaan namin.Kung noon ay galit ako salanya ngayon ay sasalubungin ko siya ng buong puso at ng buong saya.

He kissed my forehead and then my nose.

"Let's get married.Right here,right now and to every country you know...Baby let's live far far away from all of this.You have no choice but to marry me."

I nodded.

"I will.I will marry you,wholeheartedly."

Tumulo ang luha na patunay sa labis na kasihayahang meron ako ngayon.

"Hindi ko na kayang patagalin pa ito,we'll marry right here.I think we both waited long enough."

May nakita ako doong lalaki at kaagad niyang nilabas ang papel na magpapatunay na kasal na nga kami.

"I'm so sorry for having you to wait this long.You won't have to wait again this time.Love me eternally,please I'm begging or else I don't know what will happen in my life." Nagmamakaawa ang mata niya at tinitignan niya ako na para bang kahit kailan ay kaya kong umalis sa tingin niya at mawala.

"I've learn so many things in life because of you and I don't think i can bear a life imagining you not as my husband and the father of how much as children as you like.I'll willingly marry you." I kissed him in the lips.

We signed the paper and it was immediately processed after that.

This was the assurance that i was saying.When he left he didn't say anything but he guaranteed me everything and every possibility in this world.

There's a world that would make us wait for forever but not really...In the end it's always worth the wait and worth the pain.

So far so good...I think now i can officially say that I'm not afraid to anything now,because the only fear i have is what I didn't know I had back then and it was the fear that I might not end up with him.

a/n:Soooo this is the end :-( this is like two and a half years in the making...Makikita niyo dito kung gaano kalaki yung pagbabago na nangyari sa buhay ko...Etong story na ito yung naging part ng halos dalawang taon at kalahati ng buhay ko...

Sobrang thankful ako sa mga taong nag bear sa akin hanggang dito...especially to "M" and "J" yes guys kayo 'to

Tandaan Malkokayolahatngbumasangstoryngito!!!

SOBRANG THANKYOU!!!

and oh----may one chapter pa :-)