warning: may be triggering for some.
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worthless.
it's the only word to perfectly describe how i feel in this very moment.
how to describe me.
you would think i'm a happy person. i have an amazing boyfriend, a lot of friends, two trustworthy parents.
but, you see, this is all what a stranger could see.
not what's really happening.
my boyfriend is currently on tour. he face times me and texts me all the time but it's not nearly enough, i just can't stand to be without him. he's my anchor.
my so called friends, have decided to forget about me after my best friend made a nasty rumor about me. i only have two people who still put up with me. maybe not even that.
my mom, oh my mom. if you don't believe in physical abuse, emotional abuse is honestly almost as bad. spoiled bitch, unappreciative brat, stupid slut. lovely things to be called by your own mother.
i cry myself to sleep almost every night.
i have a plan. i know it'll make me happy. it's not like anyone would really care if i was gone anyway.
•
shawn's pov
the smile on my face won't budge. there's no way i'm gonna stop smiling till i see my princess, probably way after that.
i'm surprising her. i haven't seen her in three months.
it's been killing me inside. not seeing her gorgeous smile, amazing personality, sassy attitude.
god, i just want to hold her in my arms and tell her i love her over and over again.
•
(still shawn's pov)
i walked up to the steps, leading to her big mansion like house.
i wasn't fooled for a second. her parents, especially her mother, liked to hide the pain inside the house with the beauty of the outside.
i shook the thought of what y/n might have been up to, quickly denying it, knowing she wouldn't just leave me without at least saying goodbye.
not to my surprise, her parents were at work at the moment. i quickly unlocked the front door with the key that stayed in a plant pot beside the door, hidden under a fake rock.
i even knew the security system so i turned that off as well.
i wanted to surprise her to the fullest. make this the best surprise of her life.
i quickly tip toed up the stairs to her room, trying to be careful of making sounds.
i opened her bedroom door, seeing no one inside.
without thinking, i rushed to the bathroom door that was connected to her room, and opened it quickly.
there lay my beautiful princess, trying to get the cap of a medicine bottle off.
•
your pov
my vision was clouded with tears, uncontrollably streaming down my face. it's like they wouldn't stop.
as if i was saying goodbye to everyone with my sobs.
i was sloppily laying on the tile floor of my bathroom, my wrists bleeding, just not enough to end it all.
frantically, i searched and searched for something else.
and i found my way out of this cruel world.
i sat back down, more like collapsed, my legs shaking as my whole body was trembling out of my control.
just as the cap flew off, the bathroom door opened, reveling a tall boy, his face beaming with a smile, immediately turning into a frown as tears cascaded down his face, his eyes wide.
it wasn't just any old boy, he was the only thing i had left.
shawn's pov
i quickly flung myself next to my beautiful baby girl, slowly taking the pills from her, as her blood shot and teary eyes, flickered to mine.
i had never seen her in such a state.
her eyes, which were once bright and full of life, were turning a darker shade of color as if they were dying inside as well. her hair, once so glossy and voluminous, was flat and dry. the tears streaming down her face is what killed me the most.
it got me wondering though, how can someone in such distress, still look impeccably perfect to me?
i saw her bloody wrists and thighs, the blood not prominent enough to end her life.
tears freely streaming down my face without control, i quickly engulfed her in a tight hug.
her body tensed and she didn't hug back at all.
i couldn't let go though, in fear of, if i did, she would die right in front of me.
"b-baby girl..." i stuttered hopelessly, my breathing hitching in my throat.
her loud sobs made me want to cry harder, if that was even possible.
"i'm right here, b-baby. i-i love you, i love you, i love you."
her voice was horse, still sobbing uncontrollably, "m-my life savior."
-
well, i'm in tears. so, some of this is based on personal life. no, i'm not suicidal, but i was anorexic. i got over my problem, you can too.
the friend part and mom part are, for the most part, true.
some of the reasons for being anorexic.
but, screw that.
why should i let someone tell me i'm not good enough, when me myself, know i am.
you are too, love. you are worth it. you are important. you are perfect.
just the way you are.
i love you, who's ever reading this. if you ever need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open, for anything.
i'm here. i'm here for you.
