gasoline | y.min

don't go

;I don't know what I want,;

- jimin

The moment my eyes open, the bright light kills me, making my eyes cringed and suddenly a loud cries is heard next to the bed, screaming for doctor and that was when I realized, he is holding my cheeks and his eyes were puffy with tears.

"H-hyung .."

"Jimin, you finally awake ! I missed you so much baby, oh god."

I look at him and I had myself smiling in tears. I had finally get out from that odd world. I am free, back again with Yoongi. No one will ever beat me again, no one will treat me like a dog.

"Baby, w-why are you crying ? No no don't cry, you're okay with me. I'm here for you, you're safe here with me."

And Yoongi had his arms wrapped around me so protectively. His smell, his warm body.

I missed him so much.

-

Doctor said I am no longer depends on my lungs and I need to use oxygen tank with these long tubes connected to my nasal cavity. The feeling of the tube around my face is so disturbing but that's what I need to have. So that I will stay alive with Yoongi by my side.

Yoongi brought me home and he spends all his time with me, never in any seconds did he let go of me and I am too clingy today. Too relieve to get to see his face again, to be by his side. The weird words keep slurring in my head, the word ugly, fat, useless. These weird word. And that is how my nightmare was when I was in my deep slumber. I was bullied in a local school and people keep shouting curses and of course that weird things. That ugly, fat, useless thing. I don't want that to be happen and I'm afraid if Yoongi will leave me.

"Baby? Why are you spacing out? Do you need some rest?"

I shake my head, and look at Yoongi's pale face.

"Hyung, will you still go to the Army ? Will you leave me ?"

My question seems to make Yoongi intrigued and his face dropped to zero. I quickly hug him and tears cascaded down my delicate cheeks, dirtying the tube and fogging my facemask. I know that he will leave me, and he know that he will leave me too. But he just don't have the courage to say that and I am too coward to say goodbye.

I don't want to say goodbye.

"You know that I love you, right baby ?"

I hummed a soft yes against his shoulder.

"I love you so much, okay ?"

I love you too, hyung.

-

Pain

When morning came, the first thing that came to be my morning greeting is the lack of oxygen. The scream that blared to the entire house because of the nightmare I had. The moment I had in my dream make me feel like a coward I am. And in that dream, there will always be me staring at Kook's body, rolling down on the hard ground, bleeding so badly that it makes me feel like shit. And when I woke up, Yoongi will hugged me and soothed me down so that I can breath properly.

And back again today, the same pain that I had try to endure coming back again like a pressplay video making me sick.

Yoongi's eyes were full of sadness and sometimes I found him crying, in that vulnerable state, in that no I-don't-give-a-fuck face, in that Min Yoongi that long gone.

Everynight, I will pretend that I was asleep and Yoongi will come inside my room and whispers sweets things into my ear, saying that he love me and at the end of his words, his voice will cracked and he will cry again. Just like everyday.