My anxiety has been absolutely destroying me recently... I think I'm even starting a decent into a depressive state again...
How do I know?
My birthday is tomorrow and I completely forgot...
'Yea...and?'
I'm always so excited about my birthday... Every single year I'm always over the fucking moon about it and can never sleep the night before...
But this year I haven't even thought about it... I'm even having a party this year with all my friends (which I haven't done since I was 8) for my 18th and I just can't get excited about it and it's making me really upset...
And my mum keeps telling me when I tell her I'm super anxious before school (which I have been for the past 3 weeks) "just think that each day is just another day..."
I get what she's saying... But I don't want to think that way... I think that's what's making me so on edge and upset...
Every day's the same... Wake up, eat, shower, dress, pack bag, go to school, sit through an average of 6 mind numbing classes, go home, eat, sleep... And then repeat for 5 days... But even the weekends are getting repetitive...
I miss laughing at stupid things on tumble and YouTube... My dad even mentioned that he hasn't heard me laugh in weeks and that made me cry... I'm finding YouTube boring...
I want to sit with my friends and not feel off...
I want to feel excited about my party...
I want to go out tomorrow and do 18 year old things and be enthralled by the new experiences... But I just don't care...
I want to care...
I want everything to be exciting again...
I want to be me again...
Where did I go so suddenly?
When will I be back?
~Bash is not here right now...
