I've always been happy with my ability to just... not exist....
Ever since I was in Kindergarten I have taught myself to stay silent and not attract attention...
It was like some sort of animal instinct to not get attack by the predator... or more commonly known as bullies...
but as of now... I'm not enjoying it as much...
Because I've blended in with the walls for so long... No one truly knows me... Meaning that there isn't really any conversations starters that pop to mind when you see me...
It makes me feel alone... I was just too good at what I did which had negative effects on me later on in life...
I want to speak up but no one takes me seriously... No one really connects with me because they have always seen me as quiet and reserved when really... I'm pretty bubbly and love to be loud and laugh my ass off...
Its tough when you crack a good joke but everyone just looks at you like "What... You're suppose to be silent... did you just make a Joke? Thats incredible!" as if I'm some sort of baby learning their first words...
They dont laugh because they are too shocked at the fact that i'm speaking and it really bothers me... I just want to speak without having people glare at me with judging eyes...
I want to crack a joke and have people laugh... I dont want to waste my jokes on unworthy people!
It's difficult being the silent type...
