Despite The Flaws

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ANDY'S POV

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It's safe to say I'm getting first show nerves but at the same time I'm so excited! Tonight Warped Tour kicks off for us and I can already tell this is going to be one of the best tours we've done. Of course, all the ones we've been on - no matter if we were headlining or opening - have been fantastic. We got to meet great people and see all these amazing cities and meet such dedicated fans. That's what keeps me going really, along with my band brothers and Ashley. I remember the day we got the call from the Warped Offices asking if we would be interested. We'd just finished the AP Tour and were ready to relax a bit before the next one - our UK tour- but we were all enthused to get straight back on the road again; desperate to be back in our war paint and under the stage lights. We all celebrated and partied hard that night; earning ourselves killer hangovers and a craving for coffee and Advil the next morning. However, I had another motive for drinking. Within all the good there was some bad and that bad came in the form of keeping secrets.

Ashley doesn’t want our relationship to be constantly in the public eye, he doesn't want it public at all. I can understand that he may not be ready to come out after having and maintaining a reputation of a ladies man for so long but I still don't like it. Sometimes I feel like he's ashamed of our relationship, like he's ashamed to be with a guy even though he re-assures me he's not. I want to be able to hold his hand in public and kiss him on stage and act in the restaurants like we do in the privacy of our tour bus – like a couple. He still wants it to be a secret kept between the band and our assistants only though. Yeah, the assistants know but only because they don't knock when they come into our dressing rooms and there are only so many times we can pretend we weren't kissing.

In a way though, I guess that we each have something we're not ready for; he's not ready to go public and I'm not ready to go the whole way with him.

My reasons are obvious.

His?

The main and most obvious one seems to be reputation and the way people see him. He won't admit it but I find it rather obvious. He's scared of what people will think of him, what people will think of us, what people will think of the band. Sometimes I get envious of Jinxx and Sammi; their relationship has been public since they first got together. They don't have to hide or be careful about what they do in public, they can just be happy in their relationship with each other.

I thought about this as I lay in bed next to Ashley; we'd decided to retreat to our bunks for a bit and rest before we arrived in Pomona, California for our first show. He'd been really bubbly all day since Jake and C.C got together. While the rest of us had been slightly shocked, Ashley just sat there smiling at them. Even though everyone knew that they were going to get together at one point I don't think anyone was quite expecting it to be then. Their feelings may have been rather obvious to everyone around but I didn't think they would have the courage to talk to each other without a little nudging. That's probably why Ashley was smiling; I bet he had something to do with it. Good thing that he did that too; it saved me a talk with Jake and now they're happily each other's boyfriends.

I wonder if C.C and Jake will go public... 

Probably not straight away but I’m sure it won't be long - intentional or not. C.C has always been so open with his feelings, he'll probably start making out with Jake in public and then only realise when the flashes of cameras start. I doubt they'd really care though.

Ashley's warm voice drew my attention away from thoughts about the group's newest couple and towards the man I loved. Despite the minor things that kept our relationship from being "normal" I loved him more than anything. He saved me from Craig's hands and made me feel wanted again. He made me feel beautiful and loved, like I'm someone special.

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