Howl

Pathetic

My feelings of guilt finally caught up with me not even ten minutes after Sara left to get something from her home. The discussion we had was so confusing for me, I brought it on but I still hadn't figured out what the hell she meant.

Turning the stove off, I also made sure everything else was off. I slipped on some shoes and grabbed my keys, then basically sprinted to the stairs and headed to Sara's home. I was feeling giddy for some odd reason now, a smile causing an airy giggle to escape me. As much as Sara confused the hell out of me, I'm always excited to see her. I walked up to her door and heard muffled shouting, everything slowed as I reached for the handle and easily pushed the door open.

"...In everything! This pathetic Tegan woman is not even in the same category as us. Remember that old saying, 'To love the humans, is to lie in the dirt.'? Why are you getting dirty for this...this piece of trash?" I walked up to the open door and my heart stopped. A breath was caught in my throat and pain just blossomed across my chest as I saw Sara hang her head slightly as the woman across the room started crying.

Tears stung the back of my eyes and I let out a shaky breath. I wanted to run away, I didn't even mean to come up to check on Sara but something told me I should.

And it was the biggest fucking mistake I have ever made.

Sara rubbed the back of her neck as she glanced around until she caught sight of me, she stood straight and took a step towards me. "Tegan I-"

"Fuck you, Sara." my feet took me back to the stairs, and I hurriedly stumbled down them as I started crying. A searing heat ripped across my chest and a strangled cry squeezed its way out of my chapped lips.

I didn't know where I was going but the cold night air whipped my skin as I ran down the sidewalk.

I was hurt so bad that Sara didn't stand up for me, and also the fact that she has this gorgeous woman in love with her and she has the audacity to flirt around with me. that woman was right, why was she messing around with me? Compared to her, I was fucking trash.

I stumbled into the building and sank to my knees as sobs racked my body. I held the back of my hand to my mouth and felt all the strength in my body leave me. Why is this affecting me so bad? Why am I not surprised that this would happen? I heard rumors of Sara being a 'player' but I didn't think much of them because I figured, why the hell would Sara be attracted to me?

But I also couldn't shake the feeling that I felt more for Sara than I was realizing.

-

The glass hit my front teeth as I threw my head back to get what was left in the bottle. I gulped the alcohol with a small grimace, I leaned against the bar and glanced hazily around for my friend. She was sitting on her couch with her laptop illuminating her face.

I tried standing, bumping my hip into the chair and dropping my bottle. It bounced but thankfully didn't break.

"Jesus, Tegan. What the hell? I said if you needed help, to fucking ask me." Christina was at my side in a flash. I grabbed her arm and tried to move my floating legs. "Do you want to talk about it now? You've had like a whole bottle of wine to yourself."

"Just a whole bottle, and I can't get her off my mind. Fucking Sara, Chris..." She helped me onto the couch as everything around me swirled and blurred.

"This Sara must be the reason Lindsey is pissed off." I nodded as I lifted my hand, remembering I had already finished my bottle off. Christina laughed as she handed me something else. "Water, bottoms up." She grabbed her own bottle and took a sip. I copied her and almost spilled some on me.

I held the plastic bottle in both hands and tried to focus on it. "Sara wants me."

"Wants to date you?" her voice was soft that I barely heard her over my inner war.