My Horrible Ex-Husband

Chapter Seven: A Most Horrible Circumstance

“Dad, could I borrow like ten dollars?” Michelle asked, as I stumbled into the living room. God, I was stiff. Why was I so – Never mind I think I know why. 

“Yeah sure,” I replied as I sat on the couch. “My wallet is on the dresser.”

“Why are you walking like that?” Michelle continued. “You hurt yourself or something?"

“Yeah, there was a raccoon in my bedroom,” I replied. “I must have pulled something trying to run away from it.”

“A raccoon? Hmm thanks for the money,” Michelle said running upstairs. God, where did these kids go? One day I swear I’m going to follow them to see what keeps them out on the beach all day and night. This family trip was turning out quite interesting. Maybe I’ve been a little too lenient. 

“Thanks so much, sir,” I heard Eli mutter. I glanced around to see him talking to who I assumed to be a plumber. I mean he had a tool belt on and looked particularly dirty. He definitely fit the stereotype of a plumber. 

“No problem,” he said as Eli paid him. I grabbed a magazine and began looking at it, as I heard the door slam. I did not want to talk to Eli especially not about what happened last night, when he and I – Oh my god, I couldn’t even think about it. He and I actually kissed like full on Titanic, Nicholas Sparks’ Novel, “We’ve been separated so long and I’m happy we’re back together” kind of kiss. We haven’t kissed like that since we were married. 

Hell, we never did half of that when we were married. Eli really shocked me last night. He was different. 

“Caleb, you’re awake,” Eli noted sitting beside me. Great – he noticed me on the couch. This was awkward. Act cool, Caleb. Last night meant nothing to you. It was just sex – mind blowing I had like five orgasms kind of sex but all in all it was just plain old sex. This didn’t change anything between the two of us.

“Yup,” I replied flipping through home magazine. 

“The plumber just left – he fixed the shower yesterday, but then something happened with the sink this morning – I don’t know,” Eli huffed. “So, what are your plans for today?”

“I’m probably going to go to the grocery store,” I replied casually. “I’m cooking dinner for Michelle’s boyfriend and whomever Michael is bringing over.”

“Do you need my help?” Eli asked. What was going on? Eli was offering his help. Something was definitely wrong. Why was he being so nice? Hell, why was I being so nice? I didn’t like this. Oh dear lord. I need to get out of here. 

“Nope,” I replied standing up off the couch. “I have to get dressed. I’ll be back later. Keep an eye on the kids.”

I moved as quickly as I possibly could. 

“Caleb,” Eli called out to me just as I reached the stairs. I paused for a moment, biting my lip. 

“Yeah,” I replied glancing at the steps. 

“Nothing – forget it,” he said. 

Thank god. I hurried upstairs quickly before he changed his mind. God, my face was burning and I was blushing. I walked into my room, slamming the door shut behind me, quickly getting dressed. I had to get to the grocery store hell, I just had to leave this house. As soon as I was dressed, I was gone. 

“I’ll be back in a few,” I called out just as I slammed the front door shut. 

When I got the store, I shopped very slowly. I inspected the fruits longer than usual, and walked around a few times. I was really milking this. I didn’t want to be home alone with Eli. I couldn’t handle whatever was going on between us. I didn’t want to handle it. God – Why was I saying us? Stop it, Caleb. There is no us. You and Eli are divorced for god’s sake. Divorced.