I Hate You, I Love You

Chapter 6: Closer

I leaned over to put my head on hers and rubbed her back. Not knowing what to say, I said nothing, letting her cry it out. Her pain was so palpable it struck me to the core. I hurt out of empathy. We stayed like that for I don't know how long until finally she quieted down and her body ceased to shake. I sat up, remaining quiet as I stroked her hair.

She didn't say a word and after a few minutes I heard the familiar rhythm of slow steady breaths indicating she was asleep. With her head still in my lap, I slowly stretched my legs out not wanting to disturb her and tried to make myself comfortable. Leaning my head back against the headboard, I closed my eyes.

At some point I had fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes I was alone and there was a light on. "Dinah?" I called. The adjoining door was open and I could hear water running. A few moments later the water shut off and Dinah walked out, towel drying her hair. Her eyes looked swollen from crying. "Hey," I said, sliding off the bed to go to her.

Her head dropped and her shoulders shook. I held on tight as she broke down, falling to her knees. "Lauren, I didn't even get to say goodbye," her voice quaked and she started breathing rapidly.

My throat tightened, my chest constricted and I fought back the sudden need to cry with her. "Hey, hey," I rubbed her back vigorously, "breathe, Dinah, breathe." As she calmed down, I helped her to the bed. "I'm going to get you some water."

"No," she reached for my hand and rolled over, pulling me with her. As we lie there, she made circles on my palm and her breathing returned to normal. "Thanks," she murmured, dozing off. It wasn't long before my breathing synced up with hers and I fell asleep.

A while later as I started waking up, I had a feeling someone was watching me. Peering out of one eye, I could see Dinah scanning my face. "Hey," I said, my voice raspy from sleep. Opening both eyes, I looked at her looking at me. "How long have you been up?"

She shrugged. "A few minutes."

"What have you been doing?"

"Thinking."

"About?"

Dinah sighed and rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. "My grandmother," she whispered. "She's gone, Lauren."

I scooted closer and grabbed her hand, holding it against me. "I'm so sorry, Dinah."

She rolled over to face me. "I didn't know it until I felt your touch, but I needed you, Lauren."

"I was worried about you, Dinah." Not giving it a second thought, I closed the distance between us. My lips met hers for an instant before I pulled back. "I didn't hear anything from you all week."

"Monday, when I found out," she said with a heavy sigh, "I didn't believe it. I scrolled through my contacts, ready to call her. When I found her number I stared at it for hours, wanting to call it, but knowing she wouldn't pick up." Tears fell from her eyes as she spoke. "I threw my phone at the wall...and it shattered," she cried, "the same time my heart did."

Tears welled up in my eyes. "Dinah," I hugged her.

She returned the hug, burying her face in my shoulder. "I just want to hear her voice one more time."

"I know." I held her as she cried. I wished there something I could do to make her feel better, but these things took time. All I could do was be there for her. And in that moment my stomach decided to announce itself. I cursed it. Really bad timing, stomach. I felt Dinah's body vibrate against me, her cries turning to laughter. "Are you laughing?"

She nodded. It felt good to have her laughing again.

"At what?"

"You," she said, her voice muffled. She turned her head, her breath hot against my cheek. "It must be time for dinner." Unwrapping herself from me, she rolled off the bed and left the room.