I Hate You, I Love You

Chapter 22: Daydream

6 Months Earlier

"You've been planning this for weeks and this is the first I'm hearing about it? The night before you leave?" I tossed the remote onto the coffee table and threw my blanket aside before marching into the bedroom and slamming the door.

"Lauren," Dinah pleaded through the door. "Please let me in."

"No, just go." My voice broke.

She took a deep breath before speaking again. "I didn't want the last few days to be...like this."

I opened the door. "That's selfish." I walked to my bed and sat down, pulling a pillow to my chest and holding it tight while resting my chin atop it.

She followed me to the bed, sitting beside me. "I don't want this." A pause. "I need this," she implored.

My eyes fell to my lap...she needed this. Her passion, I'd noticed recently, had waned. When I'd try to talk to her about it she'd conveniently change the subject, which I found confusing, but if she didn't want to talk about it I wasn't going to press her on it.

The tone in her voice told me there was nothing I could say or do to make her stay. "Go," was all I could manage to get out.

"I hope you can forgive me," she said quietly. I blinked and she was gone.

*****

I stared at my phone. Dinah had tried calling me a handful of times over the next few days and was still trying. I looked up as my instructor began writing on the board. It was the assignment for tonight and was due in two days.

My phone rang again. I answered.

"I can't talk right now. I'm in class."

"Sorry, I just wanted to confirm our plans for tonight."

I sighed. After dodging Dinah, I was exhausted and not in the mood to be around anyone. I wanted to paint. "Riley, I'm sorry but can we reschedule? I have an assignment due soon that I need to work on."

"Sure," she said, sounding very disappointed. "We'll talk later."

*****

"She wants to see you," Ally was saying.

My daydream about Dinah and I arguing before having hot, passionate sex ended abruptly as I saw Dinah walk passed the store front window. I tried to speak, but words failed me. Ally was lucky in that regard because I didn't have nice things to say. To my utter surprise, in walked Dinah a moment later. Our eyes locked instantly before I looked down, now completely embarrassed by the daydream I'd just had.

"For you," was all she said as she slid a bendable Brian Griffin keychain into my view and took a seat across from me. It took me back out very first outing - with Ally of course - and the stuffed Brian Griffin she'd won for me. He'd found a permanent place on my nightstand since that day and every night when we're cuddling I give him a little smack hoping that Dinah, who used to be thousands of miles away, would feel it.

I ignored the keychain and glanced at Dinah before glaring at Ally. "Ally?"

Ally reached slowly for the bag she'd hung off her chair.

"Ally."

"Gotta run." She put on a big smile as she stood. "I almost forgot I have a-uh...an appointment. Somewhere."

"Oh, real believable Ally," I called out to her as she fled the scene.

*****

I looked everywhere else but at the person sitting across from me.

"Lauren."

I sipped my coffee and noticed an interesting notch in the wood table top.

"Please look at me." Dinah sighed. "At least hear me out."

With my coffee in hand, I eyed her as I stood. "Why, so you can tell me some more lies?" I walked out, leaving the keychain behind. She followed me out and down the street and around the corner and across the street and for five more blocks until I reached a park where I tossed my now empty coffee cup. An old wooden bench faced a small man-made lake and the setting of the sun cast a warm glow over the area. I took a seat and released a long sigh.

"You walk a lot faster than I remember," Dinah breathed as she sat next to me.

"Maybe I run too slow."

After it seemed like she had caught her breath, Dinah walked to the waters edge just a few feet away. "You hate me?"

I stared at her back. Her shoulders were a little more broad and her legs were toned. "I fucking miss you." My voice gave away all the emotions I tried to keep bottled up and I hated myself for it. "But you lied to me."

She spun around. "I never lied to you."

"You told me you loved me."

"I do, Lauren." She was in front of me, kneeling. Her warm hands on my exposed thighs. "I loved you since the first time I saw you and I love you still."

My hands, against my own free will, rested themselves atop hers and our fingers began to dance. "You left me," I said quietly.

"Not because I don't love you." Her fingers wrapped around mine, holding them still. "Because I love you too much and needed space to clear my head."

"Well?" Her eyes met mine. The deep brown spotted with golden flakes twinkled at me. She was up to something.

"I did a lot of thinking."

"Ok?"

"Don't worry," she smiled. "I'm here to stay."

"Dinah..."

"Babe," she stood and pulled me up with her, taking me into her arms. "I'm not going anywhere. That's a promise."

Ugh. Her smell. Still the same. I put my arms around her and held on tight. This is what I'd needed since the day she'd left. Just to be in her arms. To know she wasn't going anywhere.

"Come home with me?"

I answered with a nod. We held each other a little longer and then held each other through the night. Her kisses calmed me and her touch filled the void I'd been feeling these past six months. Laying beside her though, it felt like no time had passed.