I Hate You, I Love You

Chapter 12: Dinah's Flashback

After much fondling and making out, but no more than that, we fell asleep in each other's arms. The next morning I woke to light kisses along my neck and shoulder. Pretending to still be asleep, I rolled onto my back, giving her better access. Her lips moved across my collarbone before dipping between my breasts. She licked around my nipple then sucked it into her mouth. When I arched into her she laughed.

"Morning, beautiful."

Blinking my eyes open to peek at her, Dinah smiled. I smiled back and pulled her up, hugging her as I buried my face in her neck, inhaling her scent. "Morning," I kissed her neck. "How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough to memorize the rise and fall of your chest as you sleep," she started. "The way your hair falls over your face," she twirled my hair around her fingers. "And the place where your shoulder and neck meet which is slowly becoming one of my favorite parts of you to kiss," she said, running her fingers along my neck.

When she kissed me time seemed to slow down. I felt our hearts connect and in that moment I knew that she was the only person that could make me feel both happy and sad with a single kiss. Happy that she was real and here with me. And sad because it took me this long to realize that this is where I belonged. "I really like waking up with you," I said.

Pulling back, she searched my face and the sweetest smile spread across her face. Dinah kissed me again. "We should get up. Ally's been banging around the kitchen for a while now." After we dressed and made ourselves presentable we went to go see what Ally was up to.

"Look who's up," Normani said from the couch.

"Shut up," Dinah said.

I padded into the kitchen in sidled up next to Ally. "Breakfast?"

"Of course. I hope you're all hungry."

When breakfast was over we helped clean up then gathered our belongings and said goodbye with the promise to get together again soon. Normani, Dinah and I exited the building.

"You need to come by sometime this week to let me fix that mess of yours," Normani said pointing at Dinah's head.

Dinah rolled her eyes. "I'll call you."

When Normani walked away I turned to her. "So, you're going home?"

"Yeah. I have a lot of unpacking to do." She smiled. "Why?"

I moved my bag to the opposite shoulder. "I thought we could hang out?"

"I don't know..." she trailed off. Standing there watching her think about it made me want to take it back, but I wanted more time with her. She tapped at her chin with her finger and I sighed. Why was she doing this to me? Finally, she nodded. "Yeah, let's hang out. I can unpack later."

"Or," it occurred to me, "we could hang out at your place so you can unpack." Half an hour later, I pulled up in front of Dinah's house to see her hefting luggage out of the trunk.

Going to help her, she waved me off. "I got this." Instead, she handed me her keys, instructing me to open the front door.

I crossed my arms. "You know, I can help."

"I know," she said. Setting her luggage down in the driveway, she uncrossed my arms, wrapping them around her waist then wrapped hers around my waist. "Could you open the door then come back to help me, please?"

"Oh." I stepped away from her, dazed. Past and present blurred together for a moment and memories I thought I had buried found their way to the surface. Images of her flooded my vision. Closing my eyes didn't help to erase them. Instead, the back of my eyelids acted as a projector.

Hands caressed my face, tilting it upwards. "Lauren, are you okay?" It wasn't her. This was Dinah. Dinah, whom I was starting to care immensely for. The same Dinah that put so much thought into our first date. The same Dinah that touched me so tenderly. She would never compare to Dinah.

Taking a deep breath, I looked at Dinah, trying to focus on the present. "I'm fine. I'm fine," I said, willing myself to believe it.

"What happened? Do you need to sit down?"

"Nothing, no." I attempted to move away but she held me close, looking at me with a ferocity I hadn't seen in her before.

"Someone hurt you." Her voice was hard.

"Not physically."

"As glad as I am to hear that, it doesn't make me feel better." She took the keys from me and went to open the door. I stood there until she came back. Grabbing her luggage with one hand, she offered me her free hand. Taking her hand, I walked with her inside. She left her suitcase by the door then went to the kitchen. "Make yourself at home," she called. The last time I was here I hadn't taken the time to look around, seeing it now it noticeably reflected Dinah.

Curtains draped two large windows at the opposite end of the room that let in an ample amount of light. Pictures filled the wall behind the couch and the large entertainment center on the opposite wall. In quite a few of the pictures, Dinah's face was smiling back and she was surrounded by people. There was an obvious resemblance to many of the people in her photographs, but the rest bared no likeness at all. The entertainment center held various ornaments I assumed she'd gotten from all the traveling she did for work.

The couch and love seat sat in the middle of the living room, including a beautiful cherry wood coffee table. The remainder of the space was littered with lighting equipment, tripods, camera lenses and scopes, and other photography equipment. I took a seat on the couch and picked up a leather bound portfolio. The pictures in the portfolio were unlike the ones that smiled back at me. These were of people of all different colors and ages and each of them seemed to be experiencing a full spectrum of emotions. However, none of them seemed happy.

"That's my latest project," Dinah came back into the room with two glasses of water and set them on the coffee table. She pointed at the picture I had flipped to. It was of a man, his face weathered, his eyes sad, his mouth set in a perpetual frown, he seemed defeated. "He's one of the sweetest people I've ever met, but life has been hard on him. I met him when I was working in the bay area." She took the portfolio and flipped through it. "I started working on this when my ex left me and I felt like breaking. These were the people that helped me through that."

"Tell me about her."

Dinah sipped her water. "She wasn't the person I thought she was."

When they met, Dinah had recently graduated high school and had only started photographing wedding parties. Leah was part of the wedding party. She introduced herself when Dinah was packing up her equipment and asked to take Dinah out. They hit it off and spent every moment they could together. After a month, they moved in together.

A year or two into their relationship, Leah got sick. As Leah got worse things started to change. She became bitter and abusive to the point of throwing things. Dinah stuck by her side, knowing that dealing with the reality of having cancer couldn't be easy. When Leah started chemotherapy, Dinah thought things would change, but they only got worse. As Leah started losing her hair, she grew distant and every word that escaped her meant to hurt.

One day, Dinah had finally had enough. She sat crying in the hallway outside Leah's room when one of Leah's nurses took a seat next to her. It was Ally. She'd let Dinah cry on her shoulder and when Dinah was done told her that she'd get through it and gave Dinah her number in case she ever needed someone to talk to.

"We were still together when she finished chemo," Dinah continued. "But when we got home she was going out every night. Ally answered every call and listened to every word. Even when I had no words and all I could do was cry, she listened." She took another sip of water. "Leah came home one day and started packing. She told me she had met someone. That's when I started working on this," she picked up the portfolio. "I thought what I was going through was rough, but seeing these people and hearing their stories really opened my eyes."

"Dinah, that's...I don't even know what to say. I'm glad you had Ally."

She smiled. "Me too." Turning towards me, she took my hand. "Want to tell me what happened out in the driveway?"

"Can we take a break first?"

"Sure. We'll get the rest of my stuff from the car."