Let It Snow (Bleach Fanfic)

Burning Ice

Two teal eyes clearly saw practically everyone trying to avoid him. The exception of course was Yamada Hanataro who always seemed happy to see him, but then would get a rather sad look on his face. The other young Shinigami would quickly apologize and explain that he hoped Hitsugaya Taicho would feel better. Hanataro of course never used his first name, but then a certain taicho always demanded people call him by his full name.

People though were hiding things from him, and treating him...

... they treated him like the people in his village did as a child. The fact they avoided him didn't escape Toshiro's mind as he watched Isane and the others come and visit. Mostly his visitors consisted of the fukutaicho of the first and forth divisions, plus of course Hanataro. Everybody else stopped visiting after a few days leaving the young taicho alone to his worries. Matsumoto of course never visited once. Thus he knew something was wrong with her.

"I can't blame them for not coming by. I did after all mess up big time. Shan't be surprised if they strip me of my title either. I wouldn't have minded if my title had been stripped back when we were fighting Aizen 'cause I honestly did what I felt what I had to do. This time though..."

"You may not care about your position as a captain, but you do care about being a disgrace to others. At least when it came to Aizen you wouldn't feel like you were a disgrace. I don't though think young master that this is what is going on."

Toshiro turned his head to look out the window to see the snowflakes falling outside, but his mind didn't register the fact his inner world was ending up outside his mind. He did register his own reaction when Isane tried coming to check on him, and he knew the way he reacted wasn't okay.

He was surprised when that Quincy came to see him. The young Shinigami didn't like how he felt with the man around, or the questions he asked. He didn't like the fact the man had Matsumoto Rangiku's necklace. Thankfully Bazz-B was gone and he could sink back into his own dark thoughts. The man's rieatsu bothered him. "That's because I got my ass whupped by him big time. I wish taicho or Kurosaki had been there to save me. Matsumoto to."

"There's no reason to be thinking such things."

"Yes there is. I'm weak. I'm pitiful. I'm absolutely useless."

"At least you can sense other people's rieatsu. I don't think either of us want to know what would happen if someone actually managed to touch you."

"I've let Yamada take care of me."

"You still trust Yamada."

"It's rather hard not to trust him. Maybe he'll come visit. I feel better when he's here. Safe." Toshiro kept his head buried in his arms. "I know that's strange as I know in a battle I'm more likely to protect him."

"You trust him to never hurt you on purpose and you trust him to never judge you, but instead accept who you are."

Something brushed against his hair. Toshiro felt his body tense up, and his head jerk up to see who it was. He couldn't help but stare at the female in front of him. "How? I'm really good at sensing rieatsu. Why can't I, why couldn't I sense her approaching me?"

"I know you." The girl sat down on the bed, and he felt his body tense up even more.

"You know me, so does that mean I should know you?" The girl of course asked the same question and Toshiro wracked his mind of who she was. He remembered then that she was the Quincy, the one turned into a zombie. He could also tell the girl was upset with his answers, and the question came up about whether he was bothered with Quincy."

"I'm bothered by everybody right now, so..." The words came out as, "I don't know."

She then said "I know I don't like Shinigami."

"Then you don't like me?" Toshiro didn't know why this hurt. Hyorinmaru for once didn't say anything so he came to the conclusion on his own. "I've been rejected again."

"I think there is actually a misunderstanding going on between you two."

Surprise over came him when the girl moved closer to him so they were both looking each other in the eye, and the young taicho found himself frozen and unsure what he should do. The Quincy who injured him during the war however came to his rescue and chased her off. This time the man stayed with him to keep him company, and eventually the man asked if he was afraid of him.

"Am I afraid of him? I've honestly reason to be afraid of him more then anybody else, but truth is I'm afraid of everybody. All I have left is Matsumoto, right? Kurosaki has to go back home, and everybody else is going to move on and forget. And I messed up."

"We need to talk."

"Don't want to." Something cold touched his neck, and his head moved so he could see Rangiku's necklace again and he remembered he'd seen the man with it earlier. "Matsumoto. Where is she?" The young taicho looked up at the man not sure what he was hoping to do by glaring at the man, but Toshiro felt like he needed to do something.

What the man said next surprised him. "What have they told you about your fukutaicho?" The truth then came out of the man's mouth, and Toshiro couldn't help but sink as the thought of losing Rangiku settled in. The man said something about self-centered reasons, but Toshiro simply didn't care anymore. The tears began to fall, and yet the man stayed with him despite the fact it had to have made the man uncomfortable.

"Why? He says it's for self-centered reasons, but then why..." Another thought crossed his mind. "I'm not alone right now." The emotions he felt confused him. "Shinigami aren't supposed to feel emotions." Nanao came in soon after and chased the man off. The young taicho couldn't help but over hear the conversation the two had with each other. A lecture finally came about controlling his emotions. "She's only doing it because she's my legal guardian. She's my legal guardian because I've become a major burden to the Shinigami."

Somehow he found himself no longer crying as it felt like his feelings weren't wanted, and an empty feeling settled in. "Is this what it's like to not feel emotions."

After some unmeasurable amount of time Nanao spoke up again. "Hey, have you been eating?"

The small taicho shrugged his shoulders. "Does it matter?"

"Let me go and get you some fresh food."

"You're looking for an excuse to leave me here." Toshiro felt when she left and he found himself looking around the room in a rather dull manner. The nasty empty feeling wouldn't go away, and one hand reached up to clutch the front of his clothing. Somehow his feet touched the ground and he found himself standing up in a manner which wasn't completely stable. Then he was moving silently through the halls to the outside.

The cold and wetness of the outside pierced his body, and he took a deep breath as his muscles relaxed. The urge to run crept deeper in and somehow he took to the roof and hurried off without seeing anything. An ice cold sleet fell around him chilling his skin and piercing through the thin garment he wore. Toshiro also felt the tips of his fingers and toes go numb, and the wet ice stinging the bottom of his feet. "I've got to get away."

Every time he said this Hyorinmaru told him to go back. Toshiro didn't listen as his mind felt as numb and hurt in the same manner his hands and feet did. The young taicho also didn't care that his vision was bluring either. He had to run. One wrong step due to lack of energy and he found himself falling from the roof, and his teal eyes looked up at a dark sky as the fear he felt deep down quickly escalated.