Say Goodnight

Chapter 11

Ludwig hated watching his brother cry. The strongest person he knew breaking down in tears was a nightmare for him. The sound of sobbing made Ludwig want to hug him, yet his body stayed frozen like he couldn't move; He wanted to call out to his brother, but his dry mouth and scorching throat couldn't produce squeak much less a voice. 

He knew that Gilbert didn't know he was up and honestly Ludwig didn't even know if he was awake. He hoped he was dreaming, but the pain that occurred in his head was real and it made him grind his teeth with pain. His eyelids drooped, all he saw was a blur, and he felt himself doze off in a sleep-state. 

Ludwig didn't want to sleep still his eyes proceeded to sink down until all he saw was black and until his head stopped thinking. 

___  

Gilbert watched his little brother, who's eyes were closed and his breathing slow and steady, sleep through watery eyes. A large bandage wrapped around his head and chin and cords were stuck in his arms. Just the sight made Gilbert cry out- he tried to hold back any tears. He cried so much in a short period of time that he feared he was losing his masculinity. 

His attempt failed and tears strung down his cheeks like a cascade of water. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest and his head yearned for pain-killers. 

After hours of waiting for the surgery to be over and hours of waiting for his brother to awake, Gilbert was exhausted. He wanted to crawl into his bed along with Ludwig at his side and wake up to find out it was just a dream. 

Mumbling came from Ludwig's mouth, weak and short- the pain was too intense. Ludwig's body stayed still but his eyes that slowly opened. Glossy blue eyes stared at him as though he wasn't there. Like his eyes opened yet his soul hadn't awoken yet. 

Ludwig forced a word out of his boiling throat,"G-gil..." Gilbert was surprised he spoke to him through the chapped lips. His voice sounded brittle and fragile- it made Gilbert have to sharply listen for him to speak again. 

Gilbert leaned in after wiping his tears away. He hoped that he didn't see a thing,"How do you feel?" He whispered to him.  

"...Thirsty..." He had to drive the word carefully out of his throat. The word was louder this time and the nurses came rushing over to see how he was doing. 

Gilbert informed them that he was thirsty and urged them to get a drink for Ludwig.

One shook her head, "He'll throw it up," She told him. "We can get ice chips for him though." 

"Please do." Gilbert was quick to reply. He wanted his brother to feel comfortable. 

Gilbert carefully took his hand into his own, Ludwig didn't seem to feel it, his half-masted eyes looked at him. He didn't look like the little boy that Gilbert was playing with just last night. He looked older- like the surgery took some of his childish innocence again- his eyes were bright blue instead they were like ice formed above his eyes while being puffy and swollen ; his cheeks didn't look chubby and red with life, just normal cheeks that were pale and didn't make Gilbert want to pinch them. 

Gilbert felt uncomfortable under his dead eyes, no expression was on his face- no little smile, no moving eyes, no fingers wrapping around his. 

The nurses came over to him, one holding a bucket of small ice chips, another held a empty bucket. One nurse slowly brought one small ice piece to him. It's cold water dripped on the white blankets, leaving a watery trail to him. 

Ludwig gratefully opened his mouth with hesitation- his throat felt like it was ripping in half when opening his mouth wide. She dropped the ice, it landing on his tongue and its water moistened his dry mouth. He swished the ice gently around his mouth, feeling the saliva in his mouth return. 

The cub fully melted in his mouth and his attempt to swallow the water. It slowly moved down his throat, coaxing his throat in water until it was down. 

"Gilbert," His voice sounded better, still puny but louder. "Can I move?" 

Gilbert looked up at the nurses, they nodded and one spoke: "Just move your legs, Ludwig." 

Gilbert saw his legs wiggle under the blankets- they were hesitant and scared to move freefully around the bed. 

"Ludwig, how do you free?" A nurse asked. She had dark skin along with long dark brown hair in pigtails- her gold eyes watched Ludwig with care. 

"Fine," He managed to speak out. 

"Is there anything bothering you?" 

"My head," 

The nurse giggled lightly, "It's going to be like that for awhile." 

Ludwig shot a glare at Gilbert as though he didn't warn him about it. 

"Are you ready for another ice?" 

He nodded in reply and open his mouth, she plopped the small chunk into his mouth and watched him lap his tongue around it. 

The nurse walked back over to the other side of the room, glancing up at the two every once in awhile. 

"Ludwig, are you alright?" Gilbert asked while he squeezed his hand, "Do you feel different?"

"My throat really hurts and my head too." He told him quietly. He feared the nurse would do something to take away the pain that he didn't want. He didn't want another surgery. 

"You'll get better." Gilbert mumbled. "I brought some of your favorite stuffed animals." He smiled through the pain and picked up a plastic bag full of colorful furry animals. He grabbed one dark brown dog that's fur was matted and eyes were hanging from a string. He was an old dog that Gilbert had as a child. 

Ludwig's arms reached up to grab it, he held it close to his chest and shoved his nose into its fur, smelling the fragrance of home. 

"When can I go home?" 

"In a while- a couple of weeks, but don't worry it'll go by quick." Gilbert tried to reassured, still Ludwig look scared with his swollen eyes trying to widen and his hands beginning to shake as they hung to the dog. 

"I can't leave until then?" He questioned, looking at the nurse who did paperwork. 

"Well," Gilbert shifted in his seat, "Ludwig, do you know what cancer is?" He already felt the tears attempting to string down his cheeks. 

Ludwig heard the word before- not a good a way. "Kinda," He notice his brother's expression and he feared for the worse. 

"It's like a disease, you have it in your brain where your tumor use to be. You have to do something called Chemotherapy that'll help your cancer. Have you ever heard about it?" 

"Feliciano's grandma had it," He muttered, "She died." He was silence, they both were. "Did she die from cancer?" 

Gilbert bit his lip, tasting hints of blood explore his mouth. "I think so. The Chemotherapy would help, but you have to stay in the Hospital longer and have to have medicines. Does it make sense?" 

"No; what kind of medicine? Does it taste good?" 

"It's not one you drink, you put it in your veins... like a needle." 

"Gilbert?" He whispered, "Am I going to die?" 

At that sentence, Gilbert burst into fat tears. He attempted to keep his mouth in a straight line and mute all of his sobs, but they somehow made his way out, making a gross sob. He didn't want his brother to get even more scared after seeing his cry. 

"Y-you're going to be f-fine." He told himself that, holding back tears.