Aries:
Lord Farquaad: What's that? It's hideous!
Shrek: Well, that's not very nice.
[looks at Donkey]
Shrek: It's just a donkey.
Taurus:
Princess Fiona: [hears a roar] You didn't slay the dragon?
Shrek: It's on my to-do list, now come on!
GEMINI:
Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
Donkey: Example?
Shrek: Example... uh... ogres are like onions!
[holds up an onion, which Donkey sniffs]
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes... No!
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry?
Shrek: No!
Donkey: Oh, you leave 'em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs...
Shrek: [peels an onion] NO! Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers... You get it? We both have layers.
Cancer:
Donkey: You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings!
Shrek: [hiding in the toilet] Go away!
Leo:
Princess Fiona: [after Shrek and Donkey rescue her] The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
Shrek: Uh, no...
Princess Fiona: Why not?
Shrek: I... have helmet hair.
Virgo:
Donkey: Shrek, remember when you said that ogres have layers?
Shrek: Oh, aye?
Donkey: Well, I have a bit of a confession to make: donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right there on our sleeves.
Libra:
Donkey: Whoa. Look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?
Shrek: That, would be my home.
Donkey: Oh... and it is LOVELY! You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder.
Scorpio:
Shrek: Really?
Donkey: Really, really.
Sagittarius:
Princess Fiona: Where are you going? The exit's over there!
Shrek: [going to save Donkey] Well, I have to save my ass.
Princess Fiona: [shocked] What kind of knight ARE you?
Shrek: One of a kind.
Capricorn:
Shrek: Well, let me put it this way, Princess: men of his stature are in SHORT supply.
[chortles]
Donkey: Yeah! Though there are those who think LITTLE of him!
[laughs]
Aquarius:
[Shrek burps in front of Donkey and Fiona]
The Donkey: Shrek!
Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say.
The Donkey: But that's no way to behave in front of a princess.
[Fiona burps louder]
Princess Fiona: Thanks.
The Donkey: [to Shrek] She's as nasty as you are.
Pisces:
Donkey: Hey, what's your problem, Shrek, what you got against the whole world anyway, huh?
Shrek: Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with ME! People take one look at me and go "Aargh! Help! Run! A big stupid ugly ogre!" They judge me before they even know me - that's why I'm better off alone...
YOU ARE READING
Zodiac Signs
RandomAnything about your zodiac sign! It might be spot on or totally different, who knows? What is your sign? (I get a lot of these from Tumblr, I don't take credit for any of them.) I will try an update every week, 3 to 4 times a week, depending on how...
