Conversations With Ana

21

21

"Are you sure you're okay to drive?"

I rolled my eyes at Rose.

This was about the fifth time that she had asked that question.

It was nearly 11 PM and we were at a gas station.

We wanted to hit one more city before we went back to the group home.

"Ro, I'm sure. I can get us there by 1. Just give me the keys and get into Annie."

She sighed and dropped the keys into my hand.

I smiled and climbed into the driver's seat.

Gordon sat in the passenger seat, looking through his phone and probably texting Rena.

About a half hour into driving, everyone had passed out and it was just me, the road, and the radio.

I felt sleep tugging at my edges gently but knew I had to stay awake.

I glanced over at Gordon, wondering if I should wake him up and see if he'd keep me company.

I sighed and shook my head.

He had a horrible sleeping pattern, I had to let him sleep.

I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, turning the music up slightly.

My eyes began to slide shut some but I was abruptly woken up by a voice that had been absent lately.

Ana, she whispered.

I stiffened and gripped the steering wheel tightly, gritting my teeth.

I didn't answer her or look at her.

I just stared straight ahead at the road.

She rose her voice, calling my name again.

I winced.

I licked my lips then whispered: "What? What do you want?"

How've you been feeling lately? No voices bothering you?

I shifted in my seat some.

"I've been taking my pills. No voices. Besides you of course."

Ana, they won't leave you alone forever. They want you to kill yourself.

My knuckles turned white as my grip on the steering wheel got even tighter.

"They won't win. I'm stronger than them."

That's what you think, but Gordon's softened you up and we both know it. Ana, you didn't take your pills today and I can't stay to help.

My breathing quickened and panic settled in, my eyes widening.

"No. Please don't go. Please. I need you."

You don't need me anymore. You've got Gordon, Rose, and Shane and I know they're going to take good care of you. I swear. I've done my job, Ana. You're okay.

Tears formed in my eyes and I gasped for air, trying to remember how to breathe.

"You were never a hallucination from my schizophrenia, were you?"

No, I wasn't. You imagined me so you wouldn't be so lonely. In simple terms, I'm you. You imagined me but put aspects of yourself in me.

I shook my head, not accepting what she was telling me.

"Kylie, please stay. I can feel them. They're here already and I can't... Kylie. Please."

I'm sorry, Ana. It's going to be okay. I promise you. But I've got to go now.