Conversations With Ana

24

24

When I woke up, I didn't actually feel like I was awake.

My mind felt fuzzy and my limbs felt numb.

I clutched my blanket tightly, pulling it closer to me.

My chest ached like my heart had been throwing itself against my ribs hard, trying to break free.

My skull throbbed as if I had banged my head against something repeatedly.

There were grooves in my palms from where I had dug my nails in and around them was dried blood.

I reached up and touched my bottom lip, wondering why it hurt.

My fingers brushed against a scab, leaving me to conclude I had bit down hard on my lip in the midst of my panic attack.

I dropped my hand and looked around.

My room was empty and the door was closed.

I pushed myself up into a sitting position, scanning the room for my wheelchair, taking deep and even breaths.

I could feel my voices in the back of my mind, sitting and waiting.

I didn't want to be alone when they hit.

I let out a shaky breath, summoning as much bravery as I could, reaching out and pulling the wheelchair close to me.

Falling was the hardest part, they say.

That's what I've heard about love.

I believe them.

They failed to mention that falling out of your hospital bed hurts like a son of a gun too.

I gasped, pressing my cheek against the cool linoleum floor.

It was probably germ infested but I just didn't care.

It took several moments for me to pull myself together and convince myself to get off the floor.

I pushed hard then pulled myself into the wheelchair.

Ten minutes.

That was how long it took for me to wheel over to the door, get it open, and get out of my room.

I wheeled down the hall, looking around.

It was quiet and there was few people walking around.

Most of the doors were closed, leading me to believe that it was now night time.

I stopped in front of Rose's room, wondering if that was where Shane was, visiting before they both had to say goodnight.

I sighed and reached up, knocking on the door, holding my breath.

I waited three minutes exactly and when no reply came, I knocked again.
Another three minutes.
Still no response.

Rose was either sleeping or was not there.

I sighed and kept rolling down the hall, becoming exhausted quickly from the amount of energy I was exerting to get the wheels moving.

I paused outside of a room with an open door to catch my breath.

My head was tucked down and I was taking deep breaths when I heard his voice.

My head snapped up and a smile spread across my face.

"Gordon!"

Everyone in the room turned and looked at me, confused looks taking over their faces.