undercover s.w

twelve.

asher.

it's been two weeks since I've said a word to him. he's called and texted me so many times trying to say sorry but I haven't replied a single time. of course I miss him. there hasn't been a night that I haven't crying myself to sleep. somehow he managed to make me fall in love with him in the short period of time we had been reunited. even if he was faking it during that time I was obviously too stupid to realize that.

now here I am with sophie getting ready for winter formal. she's been helping me keep my mind off him but it's hard as hell. I do the finishing touches to my outfit as she rushes me and tells me how late we'll be if I don't hurry.

half an hour later were at the school's entrance and it starts to dawn on me that I'm about to see sam looking hot as always maybe even more than usual if that's possible. my palms start to sweat and my legs stop working. sophie stops walking and turns around to check on me.

"what's wrong?" she asks raising an eyebrow.

"I can't do it. I can't make him think he hasn't hurt me when that's the only thing he's done to me. I can't watch him dance with other girls and not be in the same pain as myself because he never truly cared about me." I pout taking a seat on the curb. she huffs and sits next to me.

"did you seriously not see how in love with you he was and still is? that boy hasn't taken his eyes off you since that night of the party." she explains. I shake my head in denial.

"it doesn't matter anymore. it's time I move on." I get up and sophie follows close behind me.

we walk through the doors and the first thing I see is sam dancing with nate and some other girls. sophie pulls me away before I can force myself to watch for any longer. we go to the opposite side of the gym and start dancing. a couple guys I recognize from around school come over and start dancing with us as well. I feel as if someone is staring at me and when I look around I see sam looking intently at me. I turn around so I'm now facing henry, a guy from my history class, as we dance together. it doesn't feel right at all but I can tell he's really into it. we dance together for a few more songs until I grow tired of dancing. I go to leave but he pulls me even closer.

"come on asher, I've seen the way you've been looking at me all night. how about we go out to my car and finish things up there?" he smirks.

"how about no way in hell." I scoff before turning away to walk off.

"not so fast cutie." he grabs my wrist forcefully. "I'm not finished with you yet." he continues smirking.

"get the fuck off me asshole." I scream trying to get out of his grip.

he pays no mind to me saying no or how I try to get away. he instead leads me outside to the parking lot. sophie is in the bathroom and everyone else is inside having a wonderful time. I refuse to cry in front of this prick so I just keep punching him. he pulls out his keys and I manage to get free while he does this. he screams at me and chases me down.

"what the fuck are you doing out here?" someone shouts walking towards us.

"just having a little time to ourselves." henry says wrapping his arm snugly around me and gives me a sloppy kiss on the forehead.

"can it asshole. she's all bruised up and looks like she'd rather be anywhere but next to you." the other guy says. he steps closer and I see the beautiful face of the boy I wish I didn't love, sam.

"shut the hell up wilk. everyone knows you were just using her." henry chuckles. his grip on me loosens I take this as my chance. I lift my leg up and kick him in the crotch. he lets go of me completely and bends over in pain.

"bitch." he winces out.

I try running away from both of them but sam wraps me in his arms. henry hobbles over to his car and speeds away. I try to escape sam's grasp by hitting his chest but it's no use. suddenly all the tears I had hidden away all day and with henry suddenly came flowing out and it didn't look like they were going to stop anytime soon. sam shushes me but it only makes me cry more.

"I'm so sorry. this is all my fault. I should've never listened to nate. I love you so fucking much. if we would have never made this plan this would have never happened to you. I'm so fucking sorry." he rambles. I start to shake my head.

"quit fucking lying to me samuel. I don't want to listen to you blame nate or some stupid plan. I'm not going to stand here and listen to you say how much you love me. you never once told me you loved me before you realized you'd fucked up. if I would have never found out about the shitty plan you would never say you love me and I would still be a heartbroken nutcase." I rant.

"but that's where you're wrong." he says turning me around to look at him. "I didn't want to go through with the plan."

"do you expect me to believe that shit?" I laugh as tears continue to fall.

"would you just listen to me?" he growns. "I've been in love with you ever since you were sick in bed and we spent that entire day together. you probably barely remember it because you were so sick. you looked so fucking beautiful without even trying. now I've got to look at you crying because I'm a screw up and made the worst decision of my entire life. I'm supposed to stand here and know I'll never get to admire you like that ever again because I was a dumbass and let the best thing that ever happened to me go. I've got to stand here and watch you look like our breakup didn't even affect you. these past two weeks I've seen you at school and basketball games and you haven't looked the least bit hurt." he complains. slowly tears start to fall down his cheeks and then more and more come more rapidly.

"what the fuck do you want me to do? walk around school crying? I'm so sorry I wasn't handling the breakup how you wanted me to. does it make you feel better to know that in these past two weeks I've cried myself to sleep every night. or maybe it's a huge ego booster for you to know that I started cutting again. all thanks to you." I wish I could take back those words just as quickly as I had said them. his jaw drops in utter shock and he starts to cry even more.

"I never meant for this to happen. why the hell would you do that to yourself?" he shouts. for a second all of my tears dry up.

"you made me feel pathetic. absolutely worthless. it's okay though because now I know that it doesn't matter how much you love someone, because if they don't love you back, you'll just waste your entire life on someone who doesn't deserve you. and I'm not going to let you apologize and then forgive you instantly. we obviously don't work together and this is obviously the end. I refuse to let you playing hero and saving me from henry or whatever that was make me fall back in your arms like some disney movie. this is real life and that's not how shit works." I say with my head held high. it seems that with every word he starts to break even more. it hurts me more than anything to see him like this.

sophie comes out and when she sees me she looks relieved. after realizing who I'm with and seeing my tear soaked cheeks she looks even more worried than earlier. before she can ask too many questions I get her in my car and we drive back to my house where I explain everything.

****
I suck at updating